Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

Will my 3 year old be in my bed forever - and does it matter?

83 replies

BarbaraVineFan · 27/10/2022 22:05

I'm a single mum, working full time and my DD has just turned three. When she was a baby we coslept and I think she just got used to it.

So for about a year or more now, she has been going to sleep in her bed fine, no problem at all, no crying. Story, cuddle and then I sit in her room (but not near her) until she falls asleep, which is usually only about 10-15 mins. She is usually asleep by 7.30 at the latest.

But then EVERY NIGHT at some point between 10pm and 2am she wakes crying and wants to come into my bed. To be honest, I never even try to persuade her not to - I just take her into my bed and she falls asleep again and sleeps until morning- has to wake up for nursery by 7 but at weekends can sleep until 7.30 or even 8 sometimes.

So my question is, is this a problem and should I be making more of an effort to get her to sleep in her own bed? Or should I just leave it and let her grow out of it by herself? I'm not sure whether to go through all the disruption and stress of it unless it is damaging her.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Intelligenthair · 27/10/2022 22:06

Meh, I’d leave it if it isnt bothering you and youve no plans to bed share with anyone else! She’ll grow out of it.

Airymanning · 27/10/2022 22:07

Nope. I co slept with 2 of my children. My ds co slept till he was 8(!) Moved out naturally when he was 8 and decided too. No issues. He's 18 and at uni and sleeps fine alone!

Dd co slept till 5. Again, her choice to move out of our room. She also transitioned into her own bed totally fine. Sleeping had always been a calm/safe thing for her so never had any issues with sleeping in own room when she was ready.

Don't listen to what people say.

SunshineClouds1 · 27/10/2022 22:08

If it's working for you both then just go with it.

I cosleep with my 3 year old and tbh I love it!
We are both well rested and happy.

Enjoy the cuddles for now.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families

MossGrowsFat · 27/10/2022 22:09

Loads of grown ups say they can't sleep when their partner is away.

Does it work for you? If so then do it. I listened to everyone saying they must sleep alone, I was making a rod for my own back. I regret it, they are little for such a short time.

Cuppasoupmonster · 27/10/2022 22:10

I would leave it if she settles nicely in her bed but just wakes up, as long as it isn’t bothering you of course. One day she’ll probably sleep through randomly and it’ll go from there.

I do find sleeping with an 8 year old really odd though, sorry 😕

Lesina · 27/10/2022 22:11

No they won’t and no it doesn’t. My wee boy now sleeps in his own bed… and I miss him 😂.

InvincibleInvisibility · 27/10/2022 22:12

I still regret not co sleeping with DS1. I listened to everyone else and the only person who suffered was me.

I co slept with DS2 until he was 3 then got him into his own bed easily. But a big move overseas when he was 8 saw him back in my bed (and DH in his - its a double so he's happy) and for the moment we re not forcing a move as he's unhappy being alone in any room in the house during the day, let alone at night.

If it ain't broken don't fix it.

Make sure she knows she has a bedroom and her bed and she'll move when she's ready.

Shelbellsanddoodles · 27/10/2022 22:12

My Dd was the same, co slept until she got a bed at 2 then appeared at some point every night until she was 6. Now she's 8 it's only a rare night if she's sick or has a bad dream.
If its not a problem to you it's really nobody's business.

MassiveSalad22 · 27/10/2022 22:12

Will my 3 year old be in my bed forever - and does it matter?
—no and no. Enjoy it!

rockingbird · 27/10/2022 22:13

Nah, enjoy it! I Co slept with my 2nd child until 3/4yrs old. He had terrible reflux so needed to be watched quite a bit. He slept like an octopus but we got by.. god I miss those morning snuggles. Now I have two children I barely see in the bedrooms door closed - I get the occasional hug. Embrace it, nothing last forever

Original poster

BarbaraVineFan · 27/10/2022 22:14

Thanks everyone, this is very reassuring!

OP posts:

Blughbablugh · 27/10/2022 22:14

My 3 year old dd did this and then when I redecorated her room out for her 4th birthday and got her a new bed (she had a cot bed before) she slept in her own room happily. She now just comes in for morning cuddles just before we get up.
You will get people saying you have made a rod for your back and that she will have trouble sleeping on her own. However the way I see it is that they are so little and will absolutely be able to sleep on their own. My dd is now a wonderful sleeper!

AreYouAFeminist · 27/10/2022 22:17

Gosh no! Enjoy. I sometimes think I'd prefer my children in the bed vs DH!

Butterbeer4All · 27/10/2022 22:17

My DD was like that when she was little, and by the time she was 6 or so, she was staying in her own bed all night.

sashagabadon · 27/10/2022 22:18

No it’s not a problem and no she won’t do it forever

Dinoteeth · 27/10/2022 22:20

Op as was pointed out to me, the last place she'll want to be when she's 16 is YOUR bed, she'll out grow it in her own time.
And it might be a slow gradual thing. The first time you wake up without her, to the odd night she still appears.

Vapeyvapevape · 27/10/2022 22:20

I often woke up to a little body next to me despite her falling asleep in her own bed , I wouldn't worry, it doesn't last forever and there's nothing as gorgeous as a warm toddler snuggling up to you (despite her habit of kicking the duvet off)

HyggeandTea · 27/10/2022 22:20

My DD was the same. She grew out of it. They are only little and sometimes need a bit of reassurance in the night ... it struck me that we often make the smallest people in the house sleep alone!

gamerchick · 27/10/2022 22:21

No and no. Sleep is king, if it works then it works and they definitely grow out of it eventually.

gamerchick · 27/10/2022 22:22

Tbh just look at all the posts you get on here whinging about sharing a bed with their partner and how they can't sleep or other waffle. But we expect little kids to sleep alone. It's weird.

CoastalWave · 27/10/2022 22:22

Well, my then 5 yr old was badly affected by Covid and started sleeping with me - he's now 8 and still sleeps with me every night.

Really hoping it doesn't last forever but he's happy . DH sleeps better anyway in DS's room as he gets up v early for work.

I say it's none of anyone's business!

Unexpecteddrivinginstructor · 27/10/2022 22:23

I always maintained that they wouldn't still be there when they were 15 so there would be a natural end to it and lo and behold they no longer want to be in our bed.

skgnome · 27/10/2022 22:23

As someone once told me, I’ve still to meet a teen that wants to sleep on their parents bed
they all move out to the own bed at some point… and then you do miss the cuddles… although you gain the space…
honestly, if you’re happy and she’s happy, don’t worry

Medoca · 27/10/2022 22:23

If you’re not getting a good night sleep and are unable to function properly, then yes. If it’s not too much of an issue, and the chore of having to get them into their own bed outweighs the chore of waking up in the middle of the night, then leave it. There will be a point when it has to change, do it when you feel ready and comfortable.

Whataboutno · 27/10/2022 22:24

Co slept with both of mine! I loved it! Definitely does not matter in the long run and makes them feel safe and secure.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Swipe left for the next trending thread