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Parenting

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Original poster

Will my 3 year old be in my bed forever - and does it matter?

83 replies

BarbaraVineFan · 27/10/2022 22:05

I'm a single mum, working full time and my DD has just turned three. When she was a baby we coslept and I think she just got used to it.

So for about a year or more now, she has been going to sleep in her bed fine, no problem at all, no crying. Story, cuddle and then I sit in her room (but not near her) until she falls asleep, which is usually only about 10-15 mins. She is usually asleep by 7.30 at the latest.

But then EVERY NIGHT at some point between 10pm and 2am she wakes crying and wants to come into my bed. To be honest, I never even try to persuade her not to - I just take her into my bed and she falls asleep again and sleeps until morning- has to wake up for nursery by 7 but at weekends can sleep until 7.30 or even 8 sometimes.

So my question is, is this a problem and should I be making more of an effort to get her to sleep in her own bed? Or should I just leave it and let her grow out of it by herself? I'm not sure whether to go through all the disruption and stress of it unless it is damaging her.

OP posts:

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BringBackCoffeeCreams · 27/10/2022 22:24

It's only a problem if it's a problem for you. If it works and you're both happy with the arrangement then crack on

mynameiscalypso · 27/10/2022 22:24

I'd much rather have my 3 year old in the bed with me than my DH. I'm trying to convince DH that DS needs a bigger bed so that they can swap in the night.

Medoca · 27/10/2022 22:24

gamerchick · 27/10/2022 22:22

Tbh just look at all the posts you get on here whinging about sharing a bed with their partner and how they can't sleep or other waffle. But we expect little kids to sleep alone. It's weird.

Haha, yes and the opposite! The bloody snoring from my husband, I’d be happy to be in a bed on my own!!

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imaditto · 27/10/2022 22:25

My youngest would often co sleep till almost 11.

willingtolearn · 27/10/2022 22:28

It's not forever. It helps them feel safe and loved.

For us, night visits got rarer after 5 unless they were unwell and then around 7/8 stopped altogether.

I don't regret it now, but there were definitely nights when there were too many humans in one bed.

Singleandproud · 27/10/2022 22:32

My DD was the same, also a single working parent and it was easier for both of us if she was in my bed. It was frustrating at times, she went through times of sleeping in her own bed for weeks and then getting back into mine. One night during covid she just said she was too old to be sleeping in my bed but found it hard being in her bed alone as I was warm and squishy 🙄so I brought her one of those giant pregnancy body pillows and she's slept caccooned in that every night since.

Dancingwithumberellas · 27/10/2022 22:34

I coslept with my DC, DC1 suddenly decided at 5 to sleep in their own room. DC2 was 3 and wanted to sleep in their own bed to copy their sibling. Co-sleeping was the only way they would both sleep through the night. Once they had chosen to sleep by themselves both slept through fine by themselves.

PinkPrettyAndPointed · 27/10/2022 22:36

I tried to get dd1 to co sleep with me but she wasn't having it!

Dd2 slept with me until she was 3, then moved into a shared room with dd1. 4 years later she sleeps amazingly in her own room down the other end of the house.

Absolutely co sleep! I actually think it's good she starts the night in her own bed too.

willithappen · 27/10/2022 22:41

Aw this thread is so good to read!

My 9 month old dd often co sleeps with us. From about 6/7 months has done it where she'll wake about 2am crying and I take her in with me and she sleeps with us for the rest of the night. Her cot is still in our room with us even though she has her own room.
Been so worried I'm making her worse by keeping her in with us

Uurrjb · 27/10/2022 22:45

All of mine ping ponged in and out until they were ready, we had a super king sized bed and if one came into bed dh and I would be on one side and child on other with masses of room, if they get too big for your bed have a blow up mattress on your floor, it’s only for a short while

Whataboutno · 27/10/2022 22:51

I actually sleep worse without my 18 month old as I found I was listening out for her all night! So she stays with me and my other half gets the bed to himself 😁

Hatscats · 27/10/2022 22:56

I love sharing with my 2 year old and will do until she grows out of it, I’ll be sad when she does I am sure!!

Guessie · 27/10/2022 23:00

I'm a single mum who Co sleeps with 4yo. He sleeps at other people's houses just fine (aka grandparents). Works for us. It's natural and probably how we're meant to do it biologically! You're doing amazingly.

SaintVal · 27/10/2022 23:03

DS7 still gets in with me - probably 2 or 3 times a week he wakes up and just gets in. Sometimes I don't even feel him getting into my bed, I just wake up and he's there.

When he was about 3 doing this, some of my friends said oh you have to nip this in the bud now and try this and that method. Honestly, it stressed me out.

I actually love him being there next to me, it's natural. Although he's a bit of a wriggler!

Member869894 · 27/10/2022 23:03

I have three DCs . The twoe eldest had their own beds for 2 or 3. My youngest dd shared a bed with me until she was 11! Now she's 17 and like any self respecting teenager doesn't want to share the same oxygen as me. :) Just do what feels right for you and your dd

Dlc1991 · 27/10/2022 23:10

My DS who is 3 also has co slept with us since baby. Tonight he has decided so he wants to sleep in his room but in his brothers bed. I’ve just gone along with it with massive positive praise. He will most probs wake up in the next few hours and get in our bed but it was a big step for him.
just do what is best and works for you both

rockingbird · 27/10/2022 23:11

Isn't it interesting so many of us mamas loved the Co-sleeping years!! I wonder however if you'd get the same response from the dads 😊 I'd much rather the babies than may snoring husband. Precious moments, cherished forever.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 27/10/2022 23:14

She'll grow out of it. Enjoy the snuggles! DS was the same at that age. He's now 15, if I get a brief hug I'm doing well these days!

ncncncnc123 · 27/10/2022 23:15

It's fine! Cosleeping has plenty of benefits and not just for babies. She obviously feels she needs you, so no reason not to give her what she needs.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/10/2022 23:16

my youngest is 4 and comes in every single night, which would be absolutely fine if he didn’t keep my dp awake by kicking him 😳😂 it’s not a laughing matter, really. He’s still in a toddler bed so neither of us can go and sleep in his room. I co-slept with all of mine as babies/tiny toddlers, though.

Shmithecat2 · 27/10/2022 23:17

DS is still in with me 99% of the time, he's 7yo. It's just us for over 10mo of the year, so it's not really a bother. It means we both get a good night's sleep. Win win.

BrutusMcDogface · 27/10/2022 23:17

My little one said “I need to feel you and know you’re there!” 😍🥹

Dogtooth · 27/10/2022 23:24

No problem if it's ok with you.

I'd be wary of getting a new partner and suddenly turfing her out, though - if that's something on your horizon.

sosolongago · 27/10/2022 23:27

No and no.

liveforsummer · 27/10/2022 23:27

Dd is 9 now. She goes through phases where she sleeps with me every night, other times the odd night and atm she's keen and back in her bed. I've done things like buying her a mattress topper, teddy fleece bedding, cushions etc that get her excited for a bit then she wants her bed but tbh I don't mind too much and never make an issue of it. I think the fact she knows she has the choice makes her feel secure. She happily goes off to brownie camps, sleepovers etc so it's not affected her in that way

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