Will my 3 year old be in my bed forever - and does it matter?

[BarbaraVineFan]

I'm a single mum, working full time and my DD has just turned three. When she was a baby we coslept and I think she just got used to it.

So for about a year or more now, she has been going to sleep in her bed fine, no problem at all, no crying. Story, cuddle and then I sit in her room (but not near her) until she falls asleep, which is usually only about 10-15 mins. She is usually asleep by 7.30 at the latest.

But then EVERY NIGHT at some point between 10pm and 2am she wakes crying and wants to come into my bed. To be honest, I never even try to persuade her not to - I just take her into my bed and she falls asleep again and sleeps until morning- has to wake up for nursery by 7 but at weekends can sleep until 7.30 or even 8 sometimes.

So my question is, is this a problem and should I be making more of an effort to get her to sleep in her own bed? Or should I just leave it and let her grow out of it by herself? I'm not sure whether to go through all the disruption and stress of it unless it is damaging her.

To add she's the most confident out of all her peer group to do the things like camp. Goes off barely saying goodbye. Never a hint of worry

My dd moved out when her brother was born and my ds moved out at 6. He's 8 now and absolutely refuses to share a bed with me these days and I miss it. If it isn't a problem for you then it isn't a problem.

Not an issue at all if you are happy. My DP co sleeps with our 3 year old. Although unconventional it works for us as a family and we all get the much needed sleep! My DS loves sleeping with Daddy and I get to starfish every night 🤣

Co-slept with both of mine. I'm a single parent too.

DS1 I had to make him sleep in his own room when he was 4 because I had DS2 as a newborn, and they would wake each other up. I used to take him back to his room when he woke at night, and I still feel guilty about it.

DS2 co-slept till he was about 6.5. He would start the night in his own room, but come into mine in the early hours. It never bothered me. Then one day he announced he was staying in his own room all night, and that was that.

They're both teenagers now and if they were unable to sleep, they're more likely to get up and get their phones than bother me!

If there was one thing I could go back and change it’d be how ridiculously stringent I was about not co-sleeping! Youngest dc had never been allowed to sleep in my bed till she started night waking and struggling to get back to sleep 6 months ago. Now I wonder if she’d be less anxious if I’d made her feel safe (co-slept) sooner. If it’s not causing you distress just carry on!!!

It would drive me bonkers - but if you are happy with it there is no reason to change it. (if you do get fed up with then pick a week and take them back to bed every time - it should only take a week)

Mine would always sleep better on their own. I was a bit jealous of the cosleepers - I love a cuddle! Until we went away and there was no cot! Omg it was a nightmare! Maybe a case of the grass is always greener!

Mine moved out of the bed when the next baby came along and the last one needed her own space at around 4/5. They’re all young adults now and long gone - I’m still happy to have a cuddle if they want one though! It feels like this stage will go on forever op but rest assured it doesn’t.

If it works for you, go with it. I wondered if DD would ever grow out of coming in with us, but she did around 8 or 9. Now DS (5) does what your DD does. Goes off to sleep in his bed, then at some point before morning he climbs in with us.

The only thing you could work on is getting her to just come in rather than cry for you, but that's only if it disturbs you.

Enjoy it. It won't last forever 😊

I co-slept with my mum until I was 9. I'm mid 40's now and never had any problems sleeping alone.

I co-slept with my youngest until she was 11.
She's 16 now and quite a prickly character. I cherish the days we'd have a good chat before rolling over and settling to sleep.

I was a single mum when my daughter was little. She slept in with me, her choice, until she moved out of her own accord at about 7/8. We both slept brilliantly.

Towards the end of it we were going up to bed together and we'd watch something and have a chat and she'd drift off until I finished reading or whatever and went to sleep myself. I have really nice memories of it. She's 12 now and requests the occasional sleepover, she normally brings a face mask to sweeten the deal.

My almost 3yr old in my bed too although squeezing in between my dh. So I have no words of wisdom but if there's plenty room I'd just leave her. I do love the snuggles but I hate when she's up against me and annoying me.

It also now turned in to she just never goes in her own bed. We put her to sleep in ours but she often wakes when we try to carry her through and screams her head off. We are going to try and address it early next year. We need our bed back!

Thanks for all these responses, everyone! I feel a lot better now and confident that eventually things will change.

Indeed!
Enjoy every minute! Certainly won’t last forever. Mine moved out at 11.

If you are both happy then it's fine. I was a single parent to a dd. She's 25 now and has slept on her own for many years!

I'm a single parent and my son sleeps in my bed and he is nearly 7! He has his own room but prefers being in with me. I've explained other children don't get to sleep with their mums and he is horrified!

co slept on and off with both of mine - like one pp said I wish I had coslept more with my first dd but I was too nervous and followed advice rather than my own instincts. They're both in their own beds now (4 and 7) although sometimes come back from time to time. I much prefer either to my DH as he's boiling hot and too tall for our bed!

I miss it tbh, they are so gorgeous and angelic looking when they are asleep

It's really not.

Why?

My dc (age 4) is only starting to ask to share my bed now and I wish she'd done it sooner! As others say, they won't always want to do this so lap it up if it makes you happy.

If it doesn’t bother you I don’t see the problem. DS prefers his bed but sometimes comes in if he’s had a bad dream or feels poorly - I love the cuddles, but with DH on the bed to it does get a bit cramped (hence why he does take himself back to his own bed after half an hour or so). If we had a massive bed I’d be happy for him to sleep there all the time 😄

Because I think it’s too old and seems codependent.

No they won't be in your bed forever and it only matters if it bothers you. I'm happy for both my DDs to come through to us if they need in night for however long they want to. Super king bed is a good investment!

But two adults sleeping in the same bed isn't?