Parents of children who play football matches on a Saturday morning

[gorillalala]

Just a quick question to understand what other people do really :

Is it desired/expected/required to watch your child (who is 10) play for the whole match?

Or is it accepted for parents to leave their child there and pick them up afterwards?

@saraclara

Well this must make single mums with more than one child feel really shit.

They just need to ask someone else to be in charge in case of injury really.

Practically, yes. But all these posts about how important it is for the kids that you're there, and 'how can you possibly not stay?' implying that even asking the question is an indication of crap and uncaring parenting, is a bit unthinking when there must be many who simply cannot, or at least not without it being at the considerable expense of other siblings or family. I know at least one person who often used that time to do elder care for a relative, for instance.

Leave for training, stay for matches.

Training no way. Total drop and run.

matches. One of us watched every match from U8 - U11. After that we watched all home games but if they were mikes away usually did a rota with another parent or it was a whole day out. By about U14 watched most of them but generally not the ones where we knew they were goijg to get thrashed as we knew most of the teams. U16 usually dropped off, got a coffee and watched the second half, U18 he could drive so finally managed to avoid watching in the freezing cold pissing rain and watched important games or when the weather was ok,

it’s ok to not watch all games. Anyone with 2 or even 3 kids playing in 2 or 3 different teams simply can’t and need to do rotas and the kids get used to it and deal with it.

Does it not ruin your weekends and make plans really tricky. I feel slighted guilty but I've put off letting my son join for this reason.

Well no, because that is your plan

Once you have dc then your weekends are obviously different from before you had dc.
Once your dc are of an age where they have their own hobbies, then that is what happens at weekends.

Many, many posters have said on this thread that they have made good friends from taking their dc to football or rugby on a regular basis. Plus of course the dc make friends (as well as learning skills, not just sporting ones but 'coping with defeat' or disappointment, or being graceful in victory, and as well as being active, out n the fresh air, and keeping fit and keeping off screens for a few hours). I really miss watching my youngest's team, now they re away at University and it is too far for me to watch matches.

Yup stay and watch. Ours played on a Sunday and the home pitch had its own climate and liked to be 10° colder than anywhere on earth I'm sure.
Home and away... you have to stay no matter what the weather or how bad the hangover is.

Well no, because that is your plan

Sadly whole families are supposed to plan their weekends around the sporty member of the family. We were lucky that the only other sibling didn't mind, and that we didn't have other caring responsibilities. But our parents lived a distance away and it meant they didn't get to see us for weekends, for instance.

While I was happy to watch matches and it wasn't a problem for us, I do think it's wrong that it's seen as a complete parenting no no to not stay. Not everyone's life fits into that plan, and the other siblings matter too (as does the parent who might have other obligations and responsibilities, or simply need some down time from them sometimes).

Watching my son play rugby, improve, achieve and have a good time doesn’t ruin my weekend.

@Kite22 @Simonjt

Your responses are VERY judgemental.

In our case, all family and grandparents live 3-4 hour drives away (in different directions). Grandparents are getting older and struggle with driving to us. So, if we are going to see family we have to do it at weekends. I'm not saying it's difficult because I want to get my hair done!

In school holidays we do sometimes go to see them but I don't have enough days holiday to always do it then.

So yes, it would be hard to commit to a weekly match/practice session and my kids would miss out on seeing grandparents and aunties/uncles whom they are very close to.

I'm the week they go to 3/4 extracurricular activities each (two of which are sport but not a football team). I'm just loathe to take up weekends too!

LemonsAndCherries

Most of the competitive elements of any sports (swimming, football, cricket, dance etc) takes place at the weekend.

So much will depend on:

• your feeling about the competitive nature of sport. If you will parent on the basis of sport for sports sake or if you can see additional holistic benefits to competitive aspects of sport
• your child's desire to compete
• your child's ability in the sport

@saraclara honestly, don’t sweat it. I am ( for administrative purposes) a single parent. My kids know there’s two of them and one of me and if they want to play team sports it’s not always going to be feasible for me to watch. Lift sharing and calling in favours absolutely the norm in their clubs for training, matches and festivals, especially where there are non playing siblings in the mix.

@LemonsAndCherries clubs vary by how strict they are on commitment so weekends away still definitely possible. Mine play and train most Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings but the club has big squads so not everyone gets to play every match or festival and you’ll get some notice on this. I am pretty religious about Wednesdays ( whereas some people are less so due to work commitments or homework) but club isn’t the type to have a three line whip for Sundays so if we’re away I just let them know on the app.my view is that the kids enjoy it and need to show a decent level of commitment but I’m not going to organise my whole life around a sport which neither has the potential for international stardom. Basically avoid clubs with small squads where they need everyone to play every single week to make numbers. DD was in a netball team with a squad of 10 and it was an utter nightmare. I was getting hassled to send her when I was in the middle of a house move and she was staying with a friend for the weekend who wasn’t part of the team.

DH now helps coach DS’s team and I still go to pretty much every match. Unless severely hungover 👀

Could you be any more patronising.

you do it because your kids love it but it’s a royal pain in the arse if you have other kids. Constantly checking if there’s a game, sorting out your other kids who have a party / their own game / telling friends you can’t make other plans / dealing with siblings who have no interest in watching a football game, driving to the other side of the county for a game.

at times I did enjoy it, I loved that both my kids enjoyed it, I did like chatting to some of the other parents but seriously, once they were a bit older it was much more of a pleasure to be able to have an arrangement where you didn’t need to be at every game

and don’t even start on the stress each season as to who was staying who was going, who was ruining the game. Who was started: who was subbed.

im slightly tongue in cheek but you do NOT have to make matches your life once they’re in secondary. If they love playing they love playing and it’s a wonderful way for them to learn so many skills and keep fit and it will stay with them forever.

At 20 I’m sure my eldest still thinks a premier league team is going to realise their mistake and whisk him off to the emirates or somewhere. They’re not, clearly, but I expect he’ll still be creaking round a pitch when he’s 50 just like his uncles are.

@LemonsAndCherries There are other sports that aren't competitive or take up whole chunks of time.

DD used to swim competitively and the child attending both training x 5 nights a week and galas at the weekend were expected and a responsible adult had to be on site incase a child was ill/injured but one adult could be responsible for more than one child.

DD moved to Rugby and as long as they know in advance if you can attend they are flexible for both training and matches. Drop and run for training, stay for matches partly because injuries are more likely to happen.

DD also does tennis as a purely recreational hobby, trains Saturday mornings, no competition just instruction and tennis for tennis sake - as long as we notify the coach to let her know we're not attending that's fine. She walks herself there because it's at her High school.

So your children don't have to miss out, when you enquire into the different clubs just make it clear you want a recreational place not a competitive one and see what they say. There are lots of children who can't go everyweek due to contact arrangements if their parents aren't together etc.

@Energeticenoch . Not sure how it is patronising, to respond to another poster suggesting supporting your dc somehow ruins other 'plans'.

IMO - and of course anyone is free to disagree - part of being a parent is supporting them at things they take part in. I'm sure most of us have wished we were somewhere else other than standing on a freezing touchline (for some) / listening to 2 hours worth of boring classical music (for others) / watching a tedious and lengthy dance show which we have had to pay a fortune to get in to the theatre to see our little darling or their 3 min appearance (for others) / insert torture of your own choice (one of mine played chess competitively for a while !!) but it is all part of the parenting journey, for most of us, surely ?
For those lucky enough to have Grandparents still alive to visit, then there are generally all the other hours of the weekend I would have thought ? Or for many, their Grandparents will even come along and watch whatever activity their Grandchild might be involved in, sometimes.

Like illiterato , at different stages you do different things when you have more than 1 dc. All my dc know that I would support them when I can, and make arrangements to get them to where they need to be when I couldn't. What I said in my post, if you need it breaking down, is I never looked at supporting my dc as "ruining my plans" because, as we made plans, it included things that were important to them. As @Simonjt says "Watching my son play rugby, improve, achieve and have a good time doesn’t ruin my weekend" - Feel free to substitute dd, and substitute any other sport, or indeed, 'instrument' for rugby.

@LemonsAndCherries and that's fine - they are clearly getting lots of extra curricular activities. For others families, they might choose to do their extra curricular stuff at a weekend, and have tea / spend the evening with Grandparents every Tuesday when maybe yours are at Brownies or doing drama or whatever. The other families would enjoy going to watch their nieces / nephews / Grandchildren do something they enjoy at the weekend. Lots of Grandparents do that.

@saraclara - I agree with you all the way. I have had to say 'no' more than once to activities that were not possible to fit in to family life. But that doesn't mean it "ruins weekends" to support your child playing a match on a Sunday morning.

Sorry that was so long
Just trying to answer people who had tagged me or quoted me.

I am a single parent and share the weekend match run with two other parents. The matches are a 60 mile round trip so we each take our turn so I watch 1/3 matches. When it's my turn I have to drop my other children at grandparents as they just complain the whole time they are there so I have that detour to do too. If we have the opportunity to do something on a Saturday that can't wait until after the match finishes (holiday, visiting relatives the other side of the country) we let the coach know as far in advance as possible but generally it's a regular commitment. In return for the commitment, every child gets time on the pitch even if they aren't the best players.

I would wander off and walk the dog during the game

Just a little update from me so people don’t think I’ve disappeared, and to address some of the points. Thanks for all the continued responses.

A few people have said “why wouldn’t you want to?” type of thing. Well, because there are other siblings to consider. And, the weekend is the only time to do fun stuff together (key : together) and see friends and extended family. Also, if half the children are half-siblings, the only time they get to spend together is also on a weekend.

Our family set up is : me and DH, our two young DC and his two older DC (who we see every Fri/Sat, plus alternate Sundays) - with ages ranging from 0-10. So it falls to DH to take DSS to football every Saturday (at least 45 mins away in one direction). The decision is then - do we all go together and lug all the other children along (so we at least have ‘family time’) or do I stay home / do my own thing with some/all of the other children? Due to match times and the distance away and sometimes having to drop off DSC at their mum’s after, DH often wouldn’t get back until around 2pm so that’s more that half the day gone already. If I spend it by myself with the other children every Saturday that’s a bit shit. Obviously at the moment we’ve sort of been doing a mix of both options or if we’ve had plans on the odd occasion we say that DSS can’t play that match. But tbh I was hoping/expecting that not everyone stays to watch so that that leaves me guilt-free and able to make other plans some weeks where we can take the other three DC to do something nice while their brother plays football. One away match I went along to a few weeks ago had faaaar fewer parents on our side of the field than the home side, so I thought that it was ok not to watch - but this thread seems to paint a different picture. And yes in an ideal world of course DH would love to watch his son play every football match, but he has to think about the rest of the family too.

I feel saddened by the comments like “my DH’s parents didn’t watch him and he’s emotionally scarred”. Really? When I was at primary school our netball matches were always after school and zero parents came to them, and as far as I know it was the same for football. We just got in a mini bus with the teachers and went to wherever we were playing. I’ve never even thought twice about not having had my parents there.

It didn’t even occur to me about injuries actually. I guess I would assume that if someone got injured the coach would just phone the parents. But yes, it’s a valid point.

We don’t know any of the other parents really (DH has been chatting to some on match days but not friendly enough to ask favours yet I guess) plus they don’t live near enough to us to set up a car share anyway.

@gorillalala I think your situation is a little different as you have DSS every Saturday, is this because mum is at work? If not could mum take him Saturday and then Dad pick him up afterwards? She may enjoy seeing him play if she doesnt normally get the chance.

If the matches are away and you want to spend family time together afterwards why not look to see what swimming pools / trampoline parks there are in the area and take the non-footballing children there and then meet up afterwards for food whether eating out or a picnic and walk somewhere?

You will probably have to take turns.....some weeks all go with your H and other kids to footy, some weeks you stay home or do something different or some weeks you take DC to footy and leave other kids with H. It's worth noting that it's not every weekend? There will be breaks for summer and winter and some weeks with no football at all.