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Original poster

Blended baby

63 replies

Baby2023 · 15/10/2022 08:41

my partner had two kids from his past relationship ( 3) and I have two from a past relationship (6) and (3). We are expecting our first baby in April. We currently don’t live together.

I was wondering if I am in the wrong for feeling upset about some of the things he has said. I asked him the other day if he will be there for the babies birth and a few days after and he said yes unless his kids needs him which I think is unfair as that a very important day(s) which shouldn’t be missed. The next is he is planning a week long holiday when the baby is newborn with just his kids. Makes me feel like it’s just my baby we are not a family and makes me feel very alone.

i asked
him if he wants me to look out for any baby stuff for his house and he said no cause the baby won’t be at his which again makes me feel very left out his kids have a room at his house even though he just has them at weekends.
i feel like preparing my self to be a single mum cause I am always going to be on my own. At the moment I see him for a few hours after work in the evenings before bed. I don’t see him at the weekends as he is with his
kids.

OP posts:
Nothingbuttheglory · 15/10/2022 08:42

I feel like preparing my self to be a single mum cause I am always going to be on my own.

That's probably a good idea. I'm sorry.

Branleuse · 15/10/2022 08:43

Are you sure hes even single

pictish · 15/10/2022 08:47

Yes you will be on your own. I’m so sorry. He is showing you how he feels and how he intends to go on. I am going to assume you feel too afraid or have been unsuccessful when confronting him already.
It doesn’t sound like a relationship of equals.

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SquishyGloopyBum · 15/10/2022 08:53

He's showing you where his priorities lie.

But, you don't live together. He sounds awful. How did the decision to have a child together come about?

KangarooKenny · 15/10/2022 08:55

Was this baby planned with him ?

User38899953 · 15/10/2022 08:55

He is being honest and telling you you and the new baby are not a priority.

So sorry, prepare to do it all on your own.

LIZS · 15/10/2022 09:00

He has done all this before so is not that into it. His current kids are his priority and you need to fit in. Did you plan the baby together? Do not expect his support and plan am independent life. Do you stay at his now, with his kids present? If not why would the baby need to?

Goldbar · 15/10/2022 09:00

Are you planning to claim CM? If he's not living with you and the baby and contributing, what financial support has he offered?

Hillrunning · 15/10/2022 09:04

You hardly see him as it is and you don't live together so at best this was going to be a similar set up as separated parents andway (him occasionally having the baby) so why are you all shocked. How did you picture it working out?

Did he actually lie to you and say other things when you discussed having a baby or is it that you just imagined he would change?

ChaseDreams · 15/10/2022 09:10

He's giving you absolutely no signs whatsoever that he wants to be or is going to be involved.

It's you and your two children whose lives are going to change when the baby is born.

From now on, I'd only talk to him about money. That's all the 'help' you should be trying to get.

And whatever you do, give the poor baby your surname.

Loachworks · 15/10/2022 09:11

Why would you plan to bring a baby into this shitshow when you don't even live together? You have two children and if you are reliant in anyway on govt. help then you're lowering the standard of life of your existing children.

Georgeskitchen · 15/10/2022 09:13

He doesn't sound particularly supportive. Is he planning to take paternity leave to support you when the baby is born?

jays · 15/10/2022 09:14

How long have you been together and why has it ended up so casual, as in not seeing each other very often etc, is it still early days? Was the pregnancy planned? Did you both sit down and talk about how to proceed going forward? Personally, I think a lot of women would have liked him to have said ok let’s move in together and make a proper go of it, and it sounds like he hasn’t. Would need a little bit more information OP to try and figure it out why it’s headed down this direction but it must be very upsetting for you. It’s certainly not how I’d like things to proceed and whilst I’d be bracing myself for life as a single parent, I’d be having a serious conversation with him now to sort this out because there’s no point in waiting until April. And yes, you’re 100% right to feel the way you do, something is definitely off’ with him,

cestlavielife · 15/10/2022 09:16

There is no blend
It s you and your dc including baby
Him and his dc
But get him to pay cms

Aquamarine1029 · 15/10/2022 09:17

He's being crystal clear, op. You will be completely on your own with this baby. Sadly, I doubt he will be around at all by the time the baby is born. He is telling you to have absolutely zero expectations, and I hope you're listening.

RampantIvy · 15/10/2022 09:21

At the moment I see him for a few hours after work in the evenings before bed. I don’t see him at the weekends as he is with his kids.

I'm sorry, but this doesn't sound like much of a relationship. I agree with pp that you need to prepare for single parenthood.

BambinoBlue · 15/10/2022 09:32

You are on your own.

Really think hard about him being on the birth certificate. You can register on your own, with whatever surname you want (your own?)

If he steps up, you can add his details, but you can never, ever, ever get his name off the BC once it's on. He would have completely equal rights to you with parenting decisions. Why give him that power to mess you around for 18 years?

Think hard. Take advice.

PlasticsFantastic · 15/10/2022 09:37

He is telling you that you will be doing this on your own, with his actions. He may be coming to help out in the evenings but he can’t even say that it will be priority to be there for the birth of your child.
I hope you have other support.

GeorgiaGirl52 · 15/10/2022 09:43

ChaseDreams · 15/10/2022 09:10

He's giving you absolutely no signs whatsoever that he wants to be or is going to be involved.

It's you and your two children whose lives are going to change when the baby is born.

From now on, I'd only talk to him about money. That's all the 'help' you should be trying to get.

And whatever you do, give the poor baby your surname.

ChaseDreams has it right. This is YOUR baby - not his. He graciously provided the genetic material but he has zero interest in the life development. You wanted a child - he gave you a child. Now it is yours to deal with. Good luck.

Mariposista · 15/10/2022 09:45

Getting pregnant by this man sounds like an absolutely shocking idea. But what's done is done. Get ready to raise the kid alone OP, he isn't bothered.

NCHammer2022 · 15/10/2022 09:47

Was this an accidental pregnancy? Yes, you are going to effectively be a single parent when you have a baby with someone you already don’t live with and never see on the weekends.

Sushi7 · 15/10/2022 09:48

@Baby2023 how long have you been together? Why did you get pregnant when you don’t live together? This baby will be born into a family where his/her parents are already separated. It sounds like you’ll continue to be a single mum and have to share custody.

mrsjimhopper · 15/10/2022 09:48

As pp asked how long have you been together and was this planned?

I would be very hurt by his reaction and would want to go it alone now. He is essentially stringing you along and lick picking you and your baby up and down when he feels like it. He doesn't deserve you or your family.

I'd be more hurt if it had all been planned. If this is a surprise baby then just be prepared to accept that it hasn't worked out. It sounds like a fairly new relationship (less than four year) where you both have children to consider.

Wishing you all the best

Original poster
Baby2023 · 15/10/2022 10:23

Baby wasn’t planned but he seemed happy especially after our scan. But little things keep popping up like not buying anything for baby but spending £100s of pounds on his current kids.

OP posts:
Original poster
Baby2023 · 15/10/2022 10:32

mrsjimhopper · 15/10/2022 09:48

As pp asked how long have you been together and was this planned?

I would be very hurt by his reaction and would want to go it alone now. He is essentially stringing you along and lick picking you and your baby up and down when he feels like it. He doesn't deserve you or your family.

I'd be more hurt if it had all been planned. If this is a surprise baby then just be prepared to accept that it hasn't worked out. It sounds like a fairly new relationship (less than four year) where you both have children to consider.

Wishing you all the best

We have been together a year so not long

OP posts: