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Parenting

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Original poster

Blended baby

63 replies

Baby2023 · 15/10/2022 08:41

my partner had two kids from his past relationship ( 3) and I have two from a past relationship (6) and (3). We are expecting our first baby in April. We currently don’t live together.

I was wondering if I am in the wrong for feeling upset about some of the things he has said. I asked him the other day if he will be there for the babies birth and a few days after and he said yes unless his kids needs him which I think is unfair as that a very important day(s) which shouldn’t be missed. The next is he is planning a week long holiday when the baby is newborn with just his kids. Makes me feel like it’s just my baby we are not a family and makes me feel very alone.

i asked
him if he wants me to look out for any baby stuff for his house and he said no cause the baby won’t be at his which again makes me feel very left out his kids have a room at his house even though he just has them at weekends.
i feel like preparing my self to be a single mum cause I am always going to be on my own. At the moment I see him for a few hours after work in the evenings before bed. I don’t see him at the weekends as he is with his
kids.

OP posts:

Whatsleftnow · 15/10/2022 12:29

This must be a very hard thread to read @Baby2023 I hope you’re okay.

GalesThisMorning · 15/10/2022 12:29

Survey99 · 15/10/2022 12:14

Op, you are bringing a child into the lives of two people who already have enough on their plates with the children they each already have, with a man you barely know and are not even in a committed relationship with.

What on earth did you expect? Get your head around it and prepare to be a single mum of 3.

Did it feel good typing out that empathetic, helpful and constructive response. Jesus what is wrong with people??

OP, you have a lot on your plate. He's no good for you and won't be a help. Don't let him drag you under - cut ties now focus on you and your kids. You can do it, stay strong

GalesThisMorning · 15/10/2022 12:38

Also OP, you are not bringing a child into the lives of two people blah blah blah. You got pregnant with a man who is as entirely and equally responsible for his actions as you are. Together, you created a child. You will probably wind up having to do all of the hard work of raising the child because that's what women do, and he will fuck off and leave you to it, because he can. But life is long, children bring joy, and the baby can't and shouldn't be wished away. It's his loss, not your burden

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Parker231 · 15/10/2022 12:41

Make sure he pays proper maintenance

mrsjimhopper · 15/10/2022 12:49

@Baby2023 some quite harsh responses on here OP.

Have a good think- if you didn't put any effort in would it fizzle out?

Enjoy your pregnancy and new baby.

Minimal contact. No expectation of a relationships and see what he does. Tell him the scan date and the due date.

One word replies unless he steps up.

Baby has your surname and don't put him in the birth certificate is standard as of in here. ( although it pains me to think why any woman give the child their partners surname)

MajorCarolDanvers · 15/10/2022 12:54

He's not behaving like your partner. He's a date or a boyfriend

Survey99 · 15/10/2022 13:36

GalesThisMorning · 15/10/2022 12:29

Did it feel good typing out that empathetic, helpful and constructive response. Jesus what is wrong with people??

OP, you have a lot on your plate. He's no good for you and won't be a help. Don't let him drag you under - cut ties now focus on you and your kids. You can do it, stay strong

Show quote history

I actually do think it is helpful for people to accept the reality of their situation and take accountability for their own actions that led them there instead of feeling like a victim. Everyone here can see what has happened apart from the OP, they have made a mistake, there is no point pussyfooting around it.

Owning it and moving on is more positive and empowering than continuing to wallow in it or wasting time and heartache giving ultimatums or trying to change the father into something he never was.

BadNomad · 15/10/2022 13:38

Yeah, he's not your partner. He doesn't want to be a family. It's going to be you with your kids, and him with his current two. He'll come around to see the baby if he isn't busy with his other two, then when the baby is older he'll take the three of them out together.

GalesThisMorning · 15/10/2022 13:46

@Survey99 Oh you were empowering her! I get it. By telling a vulnerable pregnant woman that she's bringing a child into a family that is already overburdened, you were just trying to help. I missed the positivity in your comments then, but I'm sure your intentions were kind 🙄

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/10/2022 14:59

Hopefully he’s employed and you’ll get child support. Open a claim once the baby’s born. Hopefully your ex plays towards the two you already have. Hopefully you have your own income and can support yourself and 3 children. Hopefully you’ve got stable housing and support from family or friends.

You must really want another baby and are happy parenting alone. Best of luck with it all.

Sushi7 · 16/10/2022 08:29

Baby2023 · 15/10/2022 10:23

Baby wasn’t planned but he seemed happy especially after our scan. But little things keep popping up like not buying anything for baby but spending £100s of pounds on his current kids.

Baby wasn’t planned and you’ve only been together for a year? Were you not using contraception? If you didn’t use reliable contraception then the pregnancy wasn’t an accident. I feel sorry for the other dc. How confusing for them.

Original poster

Baby2023 · 16/10/2022 08:35

@Sushi7 last time I checked you literally know a tiny bit about me and only what I chose to share. My coil moved if you must know I am very lucky it wasnt ectopic. I feel sorry if you have any kids! You are very quick to judge some one you don’t know.

OP posts:

Original poster

Baby2023 · 16/10/2022 08:35

Thank you to everyone who actually was helpful and not rude.

OP posts:

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