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Original poster

Sick of my bratty kids. Have I over-reacted?

74 replies

MrsSnape · 26/01/2008 10:29

The kids (7 and 9) have been playing on the xbox all morning.

After a few hours I went in and asked if they wanted to go to toys r us to choose the bike that they wanted for their birthdays (next month).

Anyway, DS1 whinged "no! I wanted to go swimming today, I've told you what bike I wanted on the internet, just buy that one". He was really nasty about it I told him that bike was out of stock so he shouted "so! doesn't mean it will be next month".

So I said to DS2 "do YOU want to go and choose a bike?" and he shouted "NO!" really nasty.

I'm sick to death of them, they got a fortune spent on them at christmas and have bothered with sod all but the xbox, even being ungrateful about stuff they were opening on christmas morning and there I was going to spend another £80 each on the brats when I'm struggling to get the money together as it is.

I was upset and went over and turned off the xbox saying "Until you can speak to me with respect, the xbox stays off". So ds1 ran upstairs and shouted "bastard" at me, ds2 started calling me a "git" and "fat arse" telling me to shut up etc and they've carried on shouting insults at me ever since.

I really feel like I dont like them this morning, they're horrible. I was going to treat them in yankee land today and everything.

Now I'm SERIOUSLY considering NOT buying them bikes for their birthdays at all, they both have a bike each anyway thats just a bit small so I'm thinking of just spending about £30 each on them for their birthdays.

I begrudge even doing that at the moment.

Have I over-reacted?

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malovitt · 26/01/2008 10:34

If my two boys called me a bastard, git or fat arse, their Xbox would be at a Cash Converters within the hour.

charliecat · 26/01/2008 10:35

It sounds to me like they have xbox itus. My kids get horrible if they veg out on the playstation too long.
They have ben horrible. And I wouildnt let them back on the xbox or a week or the name calling. And would have a serious chat about it as its NOT ON.
Warn them that unlss they start being nice they will be getting fark all for thier birthday.
But you have to mean it and follow through.

Once you have told them off for thier attitude I would take them out to the park to run off some steam. You would all feel better I bet.

GoodGollyMissMolly · 26/01/2008 10:35

No you have not overreacted at all, and I wouldn't buy them a new bike for their birthdays. £30 spent on them for their birthdays seems more than reasonable, if not too reasonable when they have spoken to you in that manner.

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posieflump · 26/01/2008 10:35

are you on your own with them today?

ConnorTraceptive · 26/01/2008 10:55

I would definately NOT be buying them bikes for their birthday.

Slubberdegullion · 26/01/2008 10:55

My goodness, imo you have under-reacted. If my DC spoke to me that way then there would be fireworks of the most astronomical proportions.

x-box would be confiscated.

ditto serious chat that being spoken to that way is completely unacceptable.

ditto improvement in behaviour or no presents

oh to hell with it....what charliecat said .

Lulumama · 26/01/2008 10:58

x box goes

tv goes

they stay in the house and colour or read for the rest of the day and earn back their xbox privileges

Original poster
MrsSnape · 26/01/2008 10:59

I'm on my own today as I'm a single parent and its "my weekend" with them (they go to their dad's every other weekend).

I'm banning the xbox for a week. The way I feel I just don't want to take them anywhere today at all, they don't deserve it.

They speak to me like shit all the time and punishments just do not work, they don't care and more often than not carry on calling me names once I have punished them.

Youngest has just said he wants to live with his dad and to be honest, I wish he could. He's a pain from the minute he gets up, won't get ready for school in a morning CONSTANTLY making us late. He shouts stuff at people in the street causing trouble, he causes trouble at school (so much so that I've already had a letter from them saying he's close to being banned from staying at school during dinner times). He causes trouble on the way home from school, causes havok when he gets home, talks to me like crap 24/7....sounds awful but life would be so much easier for us if he DID live with his dad.

OP posts:
nutcracker · 26/01/2008 10:59

The xbox would be confiscated for a considerable length of time if my kids spoke to me like that.

5yr old ds has his DS confiscated for alot less than that.

LIZS · 26/01/2008 11:08

yup no xbox and no swimming either. They need to learn some respect and calm down.

Hassled · 26/01/2008 11:20

It sounds like things have got a bit out of hand - you don't say how long you and their dad have been apart, but are they maybe copying his behaviour/attitude to you? Or is there still some resentment re the split? I know that when I split from my first husband, DS1 hated me for months - heartbreaking at the time, but it did pass.
Whatever, they need to respect you and to an extent you have to earn their respect. Confiscate the X Box for at least a week, have a zero tolerance policy for bad behaviour with punishments that they actually care about (e.g. one offensive name calling = one hour deducted from X Box time, or 50% of their pocket money removed etc), and also spend time trying to have fun with them.

posieflump · 26/01/2008 11:34

How are you getting on?

Alambil · 26/01/2008 11:34

absolutely NOT over reacting - NO bikes for their birthday.

What an awful situation though; has their dad been saying things about you to them?

That is no excuse for acting like they have though, they are plenty old enough to know what is out of order - what would really hurt them, punishment wise? Being grounded? No x-box/tv/pc?

VictorianSqualor · 26/01/2008 11:41

I agree with everyone else, not overreacting at all.

If either of mine dared speak to em like that theyd spend the day in their room with nothing.

DD had her Tv removed just for not tidying her bedroom for a few days let alone speaking to em like that!

No x-box, no bikes.

sparklylucy · 26/01/2008 11:45

I agree too. My kids get stuff put in our loft if they are rude. Stick to your guns. I fyou do for long enough, it will be worth it

notjustmom · 26/01/2008 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

staryeyed · 26/01/2008 11:57

They sound like they may get too much IMHO. If they are being that ungrateful about what would be a lovely birthday gift I think maybe they have too much to even care whether they get a bike or not. They certainly shouldn't be treated at all, not with behaviour like that. Maybe you could mention that if they behave themselves then next week you will treat them.

I agree with Hassled about zero tolerance for bad behaviour. My advice would be:

Make the rules clear n the first place ie its unacceptable to call you names or to back chat you. There needs to be immediate punishment eg xbox goes off, go to your room. If they keep being rude to you after punishing then punish again. Once the punishment is over go back to normal and not bring up the bad behaviour- telling other people or throwing it back at them. Be consistent and punish each one every time they misbehave because even letting one rude name go will be breaking the boundaries. Never threaten a punishment and not carry it through MY mum used to do that with us when we were younger and we just didnt take her seriously.

I would also spend some parent and child time with them and have some fun. Something you can be actively involved in not just watching from the sidelines. SHow then you can be fun.

How os your relationship with your X could you get him on board telling them that they should be treating you with respect and being consistent with punishments (because if you dont let then have Xbox and their Dad does not only is it ineffective its undermining you and making you look like the bad guy. If any of this behaviour is stemming from their Dad it really has to be stopped.

katylessbumpy · 26/01/2008 12:03

notjustmum,i just have to say that your post is one of the most honest and refeshing posts i have read on the subject of behaviour.i am very lucky in that i have a supportive dh who will back me up when punishing ds1(11) and ds2(7) .it is hard and frustrating but so worth it in the long run.
good luck mrssnape

staryeyed · 26/01/2008 12:24

Just re-read my post don't mean to sound preachy, just trying to help. Good luck

Original poster
MrsSnape · 26/01/2008 12:24

Thanks everyone for the advice I feel a bit better now although I am still furious with the kids. Both have now apologised of their own accord but only when they realised I was serious about the xbox being put away for a week so I still don't think they really mean it.

You are right, they are extremely spoilt. Most of the little money I get goes on them. They got almost £400 each spent on them at christmas and some of it is still in its wrapper not bothered with.

I asked them if they would like bmx's for their birthdays and all I got was a shrug and a "yeah if you like" attitude. Even so, I have been saving up since christmas for the sodding things like a mug.

I have decided now anyway, definately no bikes. They can use their old ones which to be fair...they've only had a year anyway.

DS1 wants a "my chemical romance" hoody so that is all he'll be getting from me. DS2 will be 1 xbox game which is about the same price as the hoody.

I am friendly with their dad and we have been split for 3 years now...I'm not sure if they copy him because to be honest, they've always been rude and ungrateful because they get away with it.

Today has been a real eye opener, time for a stricter regime I think.

OP posts:
VictorianSqualor · 26/01/2008 12:43

They havent even opened their presents???

Crikey, mine would be putting them on ebay to sell them on and pay for their hoody and game out of that.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 12:50

I can't believe you are only considering not buying them bikes. If money is tight you should be more sensible. These kids are showing no repect or appreciation for what they have and imo they don't deserve expensive birthday presents.

My eldest 2 had been naughty so they got books and vegetables in their Christmas stockings. They did get other things later in the day but the point was made.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 12:51

When they do earn the xbox back I recommend you limit it to so many minutes a day.

NAB3wishesfor2008 · 26/01/2008 12:53

Stick to your guns and good luck.

Those boys need to learn some respect.

CarGirl · 26/01/2008 12:56

£400 for christmas far too much too young IMO

perhaps you could get them to have a clear out of what they don't really want anymore and sell it, they may rediscover some toys/activities that they enjoy playing with.