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Original poster

Is it possible to have been denied access to your own child, but be a teacher?

59 replies

Evira · 05/10/2022 22:02

My friend is in this situation. Primary teacher, ex wife has denied him access to his child.

We have become closer, but I'm trying to find out more before committing to a relationship with him.

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 01:01

Any man who claims that his ex denies him access to his kids is an automatic no from me. Because what it really means is that either a court has decided he shouldn't see them, or he hasn't bothered going to court at all. Either way, bad news.

To answer your question, yes it is possible.

fUNNYfACE36 · 06/10/2022 01:11

MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 01:01

Any man who claims that his ex denies him access to his kids is an automatic no from me. Because what it really means is that either a court has decided he shouldn't see them, or he hasn't bothered going to court at all. Either way, bad news.

To answer your question, yes it is possible.

Or he is waiting for the case to be heard.

Vapeyvapevape · 06/10/2022 01:14

The wife could just be vindictive.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education General parenting
beachcitygirl · 06/10/2022 01:16

Automatic no.

Either a court has denied him access or he's too
Lazy/tight with money/disinterested to go to court.
Hard hard no

fUNNYfACE36 · 06/10/2022 07:26

So a person (male or female) sho u ld be allowed to lose their livelihood based on the says of an acrimonious ex

MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 07:44

fUNNYfACE36 · 06/10/2022 07:26

So a person (male or female) sho u ld be allowed to lose their livelihood based on the says of an acrimonious ex

No, that's not what OP is saying.

She's asking whether she should believe this man's story based on the fact that he's a primary school teacher - IE if it were true that he was denied access to his kids, would that have come up on a DBS check and impacted his career? The answer to that question is no. You can lose access to your kids and continue to work with children, unless you lost access based on a crime, in which case it is the crime that (potentially) ends your career, not the loss of access.

anotherdayanotherpathlesstravelled · 06/10/2022 08:06

Have to say in his defence if I decided to be vindictive and prevent access to our children to my STBEXH he has such a low income I can't see how he'd afford to be able to take time to court?

Original poster
Evira · 06/10/2022 08:08

Thanks, I am being told a vindictive ex who wants to keep her child to herself and within her own family.

He is saying he can't risk his job by going back to court.

I can't see the correlation of ‘risking his job’ and this only being about a vindictive ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
Evira · 06/10/2022 08:11

I say ‘only’ very lightly - not sure my comment reads as I meant?

I'm not making light of the possibility of a vindictive ex. I meant ‘only’ in terms of there not being other reasons.

OP posts:
GreyBlossom · 06/10/2022 08:11

His ex can't deny him access. She might have made it difficult (or might not), but he's chosen not to pursue access.

Yes, a feckless father can be a teacher. If there were criminal reasons the courts had denied him access, that might affect his work.

WeepingSomnambulist · 06/10/2022 08:11

Hard no.

Any man who says his ex denied him access if a liar. Yes, the ex could have denied access but going to court fixes that.

If they won't go to court then they either cant be arsed or know details will come out that will damage their career etc and they'll lose anyway.

Either he has something or he just doesn't care about his kid. Neither are good for a relationship. Also, he had an ex who will make life as hard as possible and I don't want that for my life so wouldnt get involved.

EvilRingahBitch · 06/10/2022 08:13

Hmm. I'd ask him to elaborate about why he thinks he'd risk his job by taking her to court. It's possible that he's simply confused, ignorant and paranoid about the law: a lot of apparently well educated people are. Or it's possible that he has a well-founded fear of such action triggering a legitimate criminal charge.

GreyBlossom · 06/10/2022 08:13

I can't see why going to court in a custody case could have any affect on his work. I suppose he might need some time off.

If there are some terrible revelations to come out in court, I suppose that could be a factor, but even then, unless they're persued separately, I don't think they'd affect work.

GyozaGuiting · 06/10/2022 08:13

Thing is, anyone with kids wouldn’t mind a break from them, if there’s a capable loving dad to help. I’m sure if single, we’d all appreciate a rest!

So when they say ‘my horrible ex’ won’t let me see them I think 3 things; 1) he’s not actually tried 2) he’s been a shit dad or in very rare circumstances 3) she really is horrible, but in my friendship circle, it’s 1 or 2 I’m afraid.

PorkPieAndAPickledOnion · 06/10/2022 08:14

I would be concerned that his lack of appetite for going to court means that something harmful to his career would come out there - possibly domestic violence, though I am not sure if that crime, or which others, would have an impact on a DBS check.

Fuuuuuckit · 06/10/2022 08:18

He is saying he can't risk his job by going back to court.

The only way going to court will be a risk to his job is if there is a criminal reason behind him not seeing his children.

And if this is the case I'd be contacting the safeguarding team at his school.

Red flags all over this one op.

ChaosMoon · 06/10/2022 08:29

Even if (big if) he'd done nothing wrong but the time off or just being in court would jeopardise his job - that means his job is more important than his children. Think on that for a second.

My DH would walk out of his (dearly loved) job in a heartbeat if it was a choice between that and DD.

iekanda · 06/10/2022 08:42

The thing is, whether she is vindictive or not is actually irrelevant.

  1. If she is just a normal mum, and he is making her out to be vindictive, excusing him not bothering with the child, then that is very bad news. “Psycho ex” is a common justification that men use to avoid parenting.

  2. If she is vindictive enough to prevent him seeing his child, then that is a very messy situation that you want no part of. You can think at the outset that you would be tolerant, patient, etc but it will turn out to make your life very difficult as well. I can’t see how going to court risks his job. As a primary teacher, he’d come across as a very competent parent surely.

eyeteevee · 06/10/2022 08:44

He is saying he can't risk his job by going back to court.

Logically, a man going to court to fight for access is not going to be viewed negatively by anyone.

Realistically he either can't be arsed and is blaming her or he has something massive to hide.

Either way he is not relationship material.

lannistunut · 06/10/2022 08:47

I would give this a big swerve.

How would going to family court, which is confidential, affect his job? Hmm

Avoid like the plague.

toddlingtortoise · 06/10/2022 08:48

MolliciousIntent · 06/10/2022 01:01

Any man who claims that his ex denies him access to his kids is an automatic no from me. Because what it really means is that either a court has decided he shouldn't see them, or he hasn't bothered going to court at all. Either way, bad news.

To answer your question, yes it is possible.

Depends on the age of the child. Primary school then I would be very wary. Teen, not so much because all the court orders in the world can't make a teen see a parent they don't want to see and there may be nothing about their parenting which prevents this, more a possible loyalty to the resident parent or even a desire not to deal with the split by pretending it isn't happening or any number of reasons.

Survey99 · 06/10/2022 08:50

He is saying he can't risk his job by going back to court.

Are you purposely drip feeding half a story/conversation?

What did he say when you said, how would it risk your job? Surely that is where the answer lies?

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 06/10/2022 10:26

So his job is more important than his child?
If his ex wife has just stopped contact this will have no impact. SS preventing access or a criminal conviction could possible.

MadeForThis · 06/10/2022 10:34

He's worried about what would come out in court.

I'm sure if he was totally innocent his primary school colleagues would support him fighting to see his kids. Not sack him.

Fuuuuuckit · 06/10/2022 11:10

SS preventing access or a criminal conviction could possible

If this is the case and he's not disclosed this to his school he could be in a HUGE amount of trouble.

So there is either a really bad reason he's not seeing his kids (like, career-threatening) or he's a feckless idiot.

Either way, run for the hills.