Is it possible to have been denied access to your own child, but be a teacher?

[Evira]

My friend is in this situation. Primary teacher, ex wife has denied him access to his child.

We have become closer, but I'm trying to find out more before committing to a relationship with him.

Right now you're in the brilliant position of not being entangled with this man. You want him to be above board presumably, because you fancy him and want to think you could be happy with him. But you know in your heart he is not. The little of his story you've posted is flimsy and ill-constructed. You're asking because you KNOW. Listen to yourself now while it is easy to extricate yourself.

Run. He ‘cannot risk’ going back to court due to his job because he has done something and it would come out during the case. Do not risk yourself.

Even if he's done nothing wrong at all, and is just confused about the law and how it would affect his job - surely any decent parent would sacrifice a job for being able to see their own child?!

I probably wouldn't get into a relationship because either way its going to be stressful.

Hes linked forever to a woman who thinks a man should have to fight for his right to see his child. She will just keep causing problems needlessly and use the child as a weapon

Or theres a valid reason the ex is doing it so he's a looser father. You wouldn't want him anyway.

He has either done something that would come out in court and risk his job, OR, is a deadbeat who hasn’t bothered to arrange access to parent his kid. Either way-trash.
The obvious fact that shouldn’t even need explained is that a bare minimum parent would sort a parenting arrangement with the person they chose to have a kid with. Either between themselves, or by court. This bloke hasn’t bothered. That’s all you need to know.

Nothing in the world would drop me trying to access my child. Least of all my job.

Makes no sense. Unless the court were to uncover some proven horror, why would it affect his job?

No from me too.

It’s the I’m not an abusive/deadbeat dad script. “I want to see my kids but… She denied me access. The courts aee in favour of the mum. She is mentally unstable. She will make false accusations against me if we go to court.”

Court is £300

@KhaleesiDothraki

If only you knew how easy it was for a vindictive ex wife to deny access, and how many tens of thousands it costs to fight it.

Can you tell us?

Nah.

And that’s his choice to pay a solicitor, he doesn’t need one.

Thank you for helping me.

I've talked with him some more. He does pay regular maintenance. He did have access to his DC in a contact centre but ExW didn't always turn up.

She claims she is keeping their DC away to provide stability.
My friend has been to court. This was when he was living with a previous gf and her children. He was scared that he would be asked to move out or gf would have her children removed.
He is frightened, he says, that his ExW will be able to make accusations in court that will stick. She has already sent in a long letter detailing his behaviours and that of his family (also teachers).
There is no criminal behaviours.

Can his Exe make unfounded claims without any criminal record? Would this prevent him seeing DC? Would this lose him his job? Would I be at risk, like his previous GF of endanering my children?

It doesn't add up. I thought that the courts really fought to give fathers access.

Your right it doesn’t add up.

If it’s as he says and it’s a simple “she won’t let me have access, keeps the child to her own family only” then going to court isn’t going to affect his work at all.
If he were to take her to court for access and a history of DA or child neglect or whatever should pop up, that could be an issue. Especially if she decides to make it official by pushing a report through. This would be a red flag if he expects this to happen.

there's a reason people have to see their children in a contact centre
just don't get involved

No. Block. Move on. Denied access to his children? Not good.

Never yet met a mother who isn't willing to risk a job to go to court to get access to her children

Fathers on the other hand, those that don't see their children, one excuse after another

Behind every deadbeat dad is a supposedly vindictive ex

Contact centre access is so hard to get, this really doesn't sound good OP.

Everyone has thousands just sitting about to throw at legal proceedings in the midst of a cost of living crisis dont they?

Sadly I worked briefly with a woman who was definitely a 3). She was perfectly open about the fact that he'd done nothing to deserve it, but that she wanted her child to herself (she also wanted to take him to live abroad) and she was prepared to make baseless accusations about him if he took it to court.

She was an unspeakably awful person. It saddens me that most women would automatically rule this guy out and believe her.

There are women who use their children as weapons and make up all sorts of terrible lies to stop the father seeing his children and the courts believe them with no evidence, my friend went through it and it was hell for him.
It might be the case here or he might be lying 🤷‍♀️

I think some of the responses on here are really unfair.

My DH was prevented from seeing his child by her mother, who made life incredibly difficult. He didn't go to court. It's not that simple. It's incredibly expensive, with funds that he didn't have and ultimately we knew that the mother would have presented this to the child as daddy had forced her to see him. He didn't want her to have that message either.

He didn't see her for 6 years a result but on the other hand, she came to him of her own accord once she was 16 and instigated a relationship.

I think it's unfair and naive to claim that court is the automatic answer and that this man needs to be labelled with a red flag for not going to court. I doubt a primary teacher could even afford it.

As to the concerns about his career, that might be something to give additional thought to but it doesn't mean he has done anything wrong.