School class WhatsApp groups for parents. Are they a nightmare?

[caggie3]

My son has just started school and I've said hello/goodbye to the other mums at the school gates but I haven't made conversation more than that. I've heard about school mum cliques and drama on here and I'm not interested. I'm just there to drop my kid off. We've had a note in his bag that some mums have started a group chat on WhatsApp and to text one of them to join and I didn't do anything with it. My husband has found it and is saying I should join it for our sons sake, get friendly with his potential new friends mums, be invited to things. I don't really know what to do now but I feel like I don't want to be in it, is that wrong of me? Or am I right to avoid and just keep a bit distant?

Our secondary one is exhausting.

Several classes. Kids in different sets and none of the parents can grasp it.

"Is it PE today". Might be. Depends on the class your child is in.

"What is the French homework?" Again different homework for different sets.

And the sheer panic when the school bus broke down and they were worried their kids would be scared.

The school communication is excellent. But nobody seems to read the letters or take time to understand the timetable.

I didn't realise what a hands off parent I was.

I'm in two parent WhatsApp groups. There has been no drama, only helpful reminders and the odd social organised. I would leave too if they were unpleasant but I have a tendency to like people and the school mums I know are a fun, happy bunch. It does the kids well too.

You are overthinking it OP. They are actually dead useful for reminders about stuff (non uniform days/PE kits/school trips etc. There’s no bitching on the one I’m on, and if you never post, no one will notice.

It’s useful and I agree with the comments about the whole class parties.
but maybe I’m one of the nightmare posters… who knows!

I’ve not checked one before for a few months when it got too much. Other than that I find them really useful.

Mixed bag here. With one DC it was fine. Useful reminders about cake sales, own clothes days, light hearted and amusing group of mums - all of us as disorganised as each other. As for my other DC's class, it is a nightmare. There is a core group of mums who moan about bloody everything. The school cannot do anything right.

haha op trust me no one’s trying to be your friends it’s about knowing what’s happening in the school that’s all. I hate this I’m far too busy to receive a WhatsApp crap- no one is made to respond, it’s a helpful tool that’s all.

You don’t want to join. Don’t join! You can get all the reminders elsewhere

I'm not sure what you are expecting to learn from this thread, it's not like all groups are the same, each one is unique as it depends on the members

Poster A - my group is brilliant, full of helpful reminders
Poster B - my group is awful full of Queen bees and bitches
Poster C - no one ever posts in my group
Poster d - my group is full of dad's chatting about the football

Etc

How does that help you decide?

There's only one way to find out

Ours is quite funny. They are all so nicey nicey on the group but in the queue they are very cliquey and don't want to know you 🤣. It's handy to have in terms of reminders etc so I am on it. I don't engage in chit chat or any sort of teacher/school/ policy bashing. I don't engage with the "if we all get together on this we can get the policy changed " brigade either. If someone has a question about something school related which I know the answer to I'd reply and that's it. I keep out of everything else. It's not rude not to respond unless someone has tagged you into something , even then you can pretend you've missed it, oops!

Ours is useful. No bitching etc, just a handy place to check things. All parties are on there, it is the best way to get RSVPs and in holiday times there are open invites to play in different places. My DC would have missed out if I were not on it.

Well, to be fair absolutely no-one has said B or D. Maybe one person said C. Everyone else has said A or A but with a clause that sometimes it's annoying.

Based on the data from this thread I'd say the OP and her DH would be best giving it a try, that's the clear consensus.

I find ours super useful to ask questions and get reminders. It's also useful for arranging playdates as you've got all the numbers available.

So far the parents all seem nice so I don't know how representative that is.

You could just join and if there is drama just don't get involved in it. I don't think you have anything to lose.

I'm a bit surprised the school are getting involved handing out notes about it.

Either you and DH both need to be on it, or neither of you. You may be doing the school drop off but he is equally responsible for your DC and all the school stuff that comes with them!

It's in the school's interests that everyone has a place for questions and reminders without having to trouble the school/class teacher.

I'm a fan. There is occasional shit-stirring on ours but it's practically visible from space and easy to avoid/treat as entertainment.

All play dates and party invites get dealt with via WhatsApp. I would think your kid would get left out and you'd appear fairly unapproachable so some mums would avoid inviting your kid via other means. Just put it on and mute it if you like.

We have m groups for each year and I'm 5 years in now and there's never been drama. It's mainly just a way for the PTA and school to communicate with everyone and everyone asking practical school related questions and sharing forms etc.
Loads of people on the group have never commented in 5 years and noone cares. It's just practical.

Depends on the type of people you have on it.

I’ve been on a few and useful for reminders, lost kit, trip info, if someone is running late-can you hold child til I arrive etc.

The worst one (and it’s not that bad) has a bit of Queen Beeing about it, but I find that quite amusing when I see it. Occasionally someone leaves the group if it’s not for them.

Occasionally low level bitching, odd teacher/school witch hunt kind of posts, but I mute and don’t get involved in that, just use for info. My friend has 4 kids, she doesn’t have WhatsApp and doesn’t get involved in anything with other parents at school apart from light convo in the playground at pick up and it has never done her kids any harm.

My experience when kids were at primary was both class groups were fine but had one mega-sensitive mum who made a big drama of something once or twice a year and flounced from the group.

Secondary ones are pretty sedate though!

They can be anything from friendly and helpful to very cliquey and unpleasant, but if you don’t join then you’ll never know and both you and your child may miss out. Try it, it might be worth it, you can always mute it or leave it!

They're also useful to make contacts especially if you work and can't take your child to X after school for example.

There needs to be reciprocation of course but my children would have missed out on several fun things recently without me putting in some effort to make contacts.

You might even <gasp> make friends! I've certainly made some genuine friendships over the years. Not with everyone of course.

The only drama on one group came years ago when parents started to discuss a problem child. The school got wind and the conversation was quickly shut down. But that's common sense in general not to discuss individual children on social media.

And quite a few dads on the various groups I'm on. Doesn't have to be mum but your child is likely to miss out on party invites if neither of you join.

Ours is helpful on a practical front - there’s always the super organised mums on there who are in hand to remind everyone of dates, PE days, school events etc….And I’m the clichè school mum who really doesn’t have her shit together 🤷🏻‍♀️😂 So find it a big help.
Theres also often people pop up with information about little local events on weekends and school holidays that others may not have known about.
I’m glad I’m on there for those reasons, but I give the social side of it a wide berth, purely because I just don’t really fit in 😬

Ours is handy and people send reminders of things to remember. Nothing more than that really. Think I would feel out of the loop if didn't have it.

ours is friendly and supportive. It has saved my bacon with reminders a couple of times. All party invites are on there - wouldn’t occur to me to invite in another way - will need to check everyone’s on it. And parent coffee meet ups. I’ve met some wonderful people through these over the years.

I would agree with your husband that your kid may miss out if you’re not on it. You don’t have to reply to stuff - apart from invitations or to say thank you if someone’s put something useful on there. And it can be delayed. People understand that everyone has other stuff going on.