School class WhatsApp groups for parents. Are they a nightmare?

[caggie3]

My son has just started school and I've said hello/goodbye to the other mums at the school gates but I haven't made conversation more than that. I've heard about school mum cliques and drama on here and I'm not interested. I'm just there to drop my kid off. We've had a note in his bag that some mums have started a group chat on WhatsApp and to text one of them to join and I didn't do anything with it. My husband has found it and is saying I should join it for our sons sake, get friendly with his potential new friends mums, be invited to things. I don't really know what to do now but I feel like I don't want to be in it, is that wrong of me? Or am I right to avoid and just keep a bit distant?

I also found it useful for piecing together what the parents names were and which ones belonged to which child. There were too many introductions in the beginning and then once you've lost track it's too late to ask the name of the ones you chat to each day.

It really depends on what the class is like. One I have is really useful and not much chat, just friendly questions and answers, the other is chatty and questions about EVERYTHING so I have muted it and just look occasionally.
It's probably worth joining as it's handy when you forget about things!

Ours is fine and really useful for social activities, last minute lift shares and more reliable than school for new parent info.

There was a bit of competitive COVID earlier in the year during a school outbreak, but other than that it's been great.

They can be a bit much but are useful for remembering stuff and asking questions. Also helpful to forge relationships with other parents which is helpful for friendships. I always feel a bit sad for the kids of the "I just swoop in and drop off" parent. Lots of party invites are given out based on the parents friendships early on, plus frankly the PTA do need help occasionally otherwise your child won't have the good things the PTA organises (school fairs, discus, yearbooks, leaver hoodies etc....). School is a community. A small, gossipy, frustrating, annoying community full of people you probably wouldn't choose to hang round with and that you probably will be desperate to move from when the kids are older, but you heed some presence to support your child.

Ours is basically dates and times for terms and trips, whether or not clubs are on or off, what’s going on with the food ordering system, and lost and found jumpers. No drama. Quite useful though.

We have one and I've made some nice friends through it.

Oh and also ‘Such and such has just vommed everywhere / got covid, Godspeed everyone’ 😬

Mine's mostly full of shite with the odd snippet of useful information or reminders. A few have left the group, a few never joined, most don't contribute very often (I'm one of those). It's mostly the same five people talking about themselves. No fights to date sadly nothing that interesting ever happens.

Don't join if you don't want to or worry about not contributing, nobody is policing the replies of 30 odd people and the chatterboxes very soon become apparent 😂

Your child definitely won't miss out either way.

Ours is fine and actually quite supportive. It's just reminders of stuff and questions like what is the homework. Everyone is lovely

It’s up to you but my DD has started reception and I’ve been to a couple of play dates that were initiated on the WhatsApp group so yes I do think she’d miss out if I was anti-social myself

I think it's worth joining in case you ever have a query (anyone got the list of today's spellings? is it uniform or own clothes for the trip tomorrow?). And sometimes social events are organised which you might be interested in. No one will care / notice if you don't post much.

@caggie3

You are massively over-thinking this. Only on MN have I seen drama re what's app groups. I've 3 DC, once what's app started being used, it transformed my life (kids-wise at least!)

I could quickly check re announcements, homework, organise parties & play dates & teachers' collections. I'm a single mother, work f/t, so massively helpful.

For some classes, we used them to arrange mum meet ups too, it depended.

I've never seen anything remotely bitchy or dramatic, just boring child info!

While yes, it should really be both / either parent, invariably it's mums. I agree with your DH & can't understand why you wouldn't join.

Then again, I also get perplexed by the decided 'only here to drop off' school of thought on MN. I don't have friends at the school gate, and I do just drop off as I'm always headed to work but I enjoy being able to have a quick chat with other parents when opportunity arises. I can't imagine thinking about it much more deeply.

I've been on parent whatsapp groups for 7 years and don't recognise any of the drama here. Non-uniform day reminders, PTA requests, all boring admin stuff - average once or twice a week. It's very useful as well if your LO wants Phineas to come for a playdate you have Phineas's mum's contact details.

I'm quite sad, I love a bit of WhatsApp argy bargy.

Useful for all the reasons people have said. All mums are on it. Some say a lot, some say nothing at all. Both is fine. It looks far stranger to not join if your child is in that class than join and say nothing (in my experience.)

Ours has been good today as we had class meetings to explain plans/expectations for the year ahead but not everyone could make it, so those who did have provided updates.

Mostly though it’s just double checking term dates, which our school is weirdly cagey about sharing, and reporting outbreaks of chicken pox/tummy bugs and other contagious delights of small children.

Ours is really useful. Lost items, date reminders, birthday party invites etc. No drama. Occasional bitching about the class teacher but quickly shut down by one of the sensible mum/dad's.

Ours is great - a godesend actually. The times I've had ask if it's PE today, or what the homework is etc. It's really useful.

Lots of party invites are given out based on the parents friendships early on

Interesting, most reception parties have been all class affair - goes to show all schools are different really.

I am on school whatsapp group and it is used for dates, times, etc. Useful information. No bitchiness. I hardly reply but will always thank the parent for information I haven't seen. I am a Hi and bye mum. Not in any click.

Ours is great - a godesend actually. The times I've had ask if it's PE today, or what the homework is etc. It's really useful.

Yeah this is the part I find kind of annoying really. One off fair enough - but often it’s just the same ones asking inane questions all the time because I guess they can’t be arsed to read a letter properly, or re-read if they’ve forgotten something, or write things on a calendar like everyone else.

Ours is fine it’s literally questions People who forgotten which day is PE Or some other school event, and people posting local events in the area which may benefit children know really chitchats on the group I will join it and see if you don’t like it you can always exit

You sound horrible @beenieteen

I'd say join it and see how it is. Every class in our school has one, and there's been absolutely no drama in any of the ones I've been in, just the usual 'anyone taken home Laura's blazer/ heads up Fraz has covid/does anyone have the blue groups spelling words handy'? Just a couple of msgs each week and a good way to do whole class party invitations!

Ours is fine. Reminders of mufti day etc and queries about minor school matters. If parents decide to do a whole class party, they usually post it on there. There are parents for 27/30 kids on there so I think those that aren't get forgotten about for the big parties sadly.

Ours is almost all mums though annoyingly! Despite lots of dads doing school runs.

Ours is really useful. It's a tiny village school, so I think every mum is on it. It's just 'don't forget xxx class are on their trip today' etc.

And our mums appear to be reasonable and not reply that haven't got Freddie's jumper- only the one that has replies.