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AIBU for asking grandparents to have an appropriate stair gate at top of their stairs?
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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:31

Hi,

I current have 1 DD with another on the way and my parents have moved closer to us as they are getting on a bit etc.. and they just want to be closer to us which is lovely.

So now they have moved their old baby gates that they used at their previous house are pressure fit ones which were find when little one was well little. Now she is bigger we have a screwed in gate at our home which is some much more safe. For some reason my father is stubborn about putting a screwed in one in their house, even one that can be taken off the mounts when DD isn’t over.

So my question is is it unreasonable with me asking him to put a screw fitted gate in? I am more then happy to pay a decorator to come and fill in the holes professionally after the time comes to not need them anymore.

Thanks.

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MiseryWIthAStent · 22/09/2022 21:34

I think YABU tbh, it's their house

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Bigtom · 22/09/2022 21:34

We never had stair gates even at our house. I don’t think they’re necessary and certainly wouldn’t insist on them at someone else’s house.

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Pumpkinsnearlyready · 22/09/2022 21:36

Surely a pressure one at the bottom is fine? Is there need for dd to be upstairs?

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passport123 · 22/09/2022 21:36

I think pressure fit are dangerous aren't they, because they have a bar at the bottom all the time which adults can trip over. It's reasonable to ask. You can get ones where the fixings stay in place and you can lift the gate off when your child isn't there.

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WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 21:38

I don’t think you can insist. I wouldn’t ask either. My DC’s grandparents, both sets, didn’t have stair gates, and nor did we as parents have them at home.

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Fabuleuse · 22/09/2022 21:38

2 X kids and never had a stair gate at my own house nevermind the grandparents! Their house, their choice.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:38

@MiseryWIthAStent
I totally agree that it’s their house which is why I’m only asking.

My dad is something else though he is currently trying to make the old stair gate fit with cable ties and blocks of wood!

I do wonder about him sometimes 😁

What other solutions would people suggest if screwing in a gate at the top of the stairs is a no go?

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gretr · 22/09/2022 21:39

Why do you need a gate at the top of the stairs? We never had one as children and I don’t have them with mine.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:40

@Pumpkinsnearlyready

Yeah as my DD stays overnight at theirs sometimes and the bedroom she sleeps in is right near the stairs.

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WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 21:40

Why do you need a “solution” at all? Just don’t have any stair gates.

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gretr · 22/09/2022 21:41

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:40

@Pumpkinsnearlyready

Yeah as my DD stays overnight at theirs sometimes and the bedroom she sleeps in is right near the stairs.

Just have the gate on her door if you think you need a gate.

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Greensleeves · 22/09/2022 21:41

You say you're only asking, but then you also say that your father is being "stubborn" about it, which implies that you've already asked and he's said no.

It's their home, not yours or your DD's.

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HippeePrincess · 22/09/2022 21:43

I’ve never used stair gates either, til we got a dog and it’s only to stop her going up when she’s muddy 😂
i think you’re being a bit ott

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SeasonFinale · 22/09/2022 21:44

pressure gate for her bedroom door for when she stays there then.

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Anoisagusaris · 22/09/2022 21:45

3 kids here and we never used stair gates.

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JaffavsCookie · 22/09/2022 21:46

Hate stair gates with a passion, so no as a grandparent I won’t be putting screws in. Far better to teach your dc to go up and down stairs safely, even if they can’t walk up them they can learn how to ascend.

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Margo34 · 22/09/2022 21:47

Another that didn't bother with stairgates.

How old is your DD? Teach her to travel up and down the stairs safely.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:47

@gretr

that’s what we have been doing but then he is moaning about the light that comes through as the door has to be left open with how the pressure gate has to sit in the door frame. 😭

there is no pleasing him some times.

@Greensleeves

yeah he is stubborn and I only asked him once and he said he would make a make shift one for the stairs. All I’m asking is that he one that fits the gap properly as I have seen pressure fitted ones that have the extra adhesive mounts which would remove need for holes in the wall but even that isn’t appealing to him. My mum is all for having a screwed in one but my dad is just being stubborn.

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RandomUsernameHere · 22/09/2022 21:49

Fabuleuse · 22/09/2022 21:38

2 X kids and never had a stair gate at my own house nevermind the grandparents! Their house, their choice.

Same

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:50

@Margo34

She does go up and down the stairs really careful, this is more to do with if she gets up in the night sleepy or upset and not really seeing straight and goes to my mum and dads room.

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SatinHeart · 22/09/2022 21:55

Nope my parents have never had a stairgate at theirs at all and we stayed over with 2 young DC many times.

TBH if DC is being supervised properly a pressure fit one is fine at the top of the stairs for occasional visits. Or as pp said, put it across the bedroom door instead.

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Margo34 · 22/09/2022 21:58

@ColouringNinjaMaster stair gate on the door then? Or keep the door shut (better option for fire safety anyway). Baby monitor in the room to then wake your parents up if needed at night?

You still haven't said how old your DD is so it may be not relevant but I understand from my siblings that you can get taller-than-standard gate for an older or taller child.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:00

@SatinHeart

Yeah I think the only option is to keep the stair gate in the door and he will have to live with the “extra” light coming through the hallway into their room.

Either way he is going to moan. The gap for the stairs is a funny angle so a pressure fit one won’t fit properly hence why I suggested to him a screw one that can be taken off. 🤷‍♀️

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WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 22:03

The “only” option is to not have a stair gate. The only person being stubborn here is you, it seems.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:06

@Margo34

Sorry I missed that, she is 4, but since we have another one on the way I honestly thought it would make sense to have something in place for future sleepovers with the younger one.

My daughter is a pretty good kid, but since my parents just moved I don’t want her to forget herself and take a spill down the stairs since they are literally right next to the room she sleeps in.

Not only is it the light he moans about he then moms about having to get up to open the gate when she wakes up in the morning 🤣 He is getting proper grumpy in his old age.

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