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AIBU for asking grandparents to have an appropriate stair gate at top of their stairs?

64 replies

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:31

Hi,

I current have 1 DD with another on the way and my parents have moved closer to us as they are getting on a bit etc.. and they just want to be closer to us which is lovely.

So now they have moved their old baby gates that they used at their previous house are pressure fit ones which were find when little one was well little. Now she is bigger we have a screwed in gate at our home which is some much more safe. For some reason my father is stubborn about putting a screwed in one in their house, even one that can be taken off the mounts when DD isn’t over.

So my question is is it unreasonable with me asking him to put a screw fitted gate in? I am more then happy to pay a decorator to come and fill in the holes professionally after the time comes to not need them anymore.

Thanks.

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Chdjdn · 22/09/2022 22:08

My DH was funny about putting screws in our bannister so we have what is essentially a half baby pen (gate and panel each side) around the top of the stairs and kept secure by being tied to the bannister. It works for us and the space we have

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RagzRebooted · 22/09/2022 22:09

Bigtom · 22/09/2022 21:34

We never had stair gates even at our house. I don’t think they’re necessary and certainly wouldn’t insist on them at someone else’s house.

Yeah, this. But I never had safety catches on cupboards either, I taught my small children not to mess with things and I supervised them.

Totally unnecessary unless you plan on leaving your toddler unattended upstairs at their house, which would be odd.

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GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 22/09/2022 22:11

Can you not put the stair gate the other side of the door on her bedroom?

I'm not sure how to explain - if you look at a door that is shut, there is a band of wood that the door shuts against. One side of the band the door is tight against it, the other side of the band there is a flat bit of wood - put the gate on that side. The side that the door doesn't open towards.

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Xmasbaby11 · 22/09/2022 22:12

Hmmm I think the one on her door is the best idea as it won't affect them when she isn't around. I get that it's their house, but a few childproofing measures are not unreasonable if your dd is over on her own. My DP did nothing to make their house safer and every time we went over, it was stressful following them up and down the stairs!

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ApolloandDaphne · 22/09/2022 22:12

My DP never had stair gates either and no child ever fell down their stairs.

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Itstarts · 22/09/2022 22:14

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:06

@Margo34

Sorry I missed that, she is 4, but since we have another one on the way I honestly thought it would make sense to have something in place for future sleepovers with the younger one.

My daughter is a pretty good kid, but since my parents just moved I don’t want her to forget herself and take a spill down the stairs since they are literally right next to the room she sleeps in.

Not only is it the light he moans about he then moms about having to get up to open the gate when she wakes up in the morning 🤣 He is getting proper grumpy in his old age.

You shouldn't use stairgates at all with a 4yo. Completely unsafe as most 4yos will climb over....and then tumble down the stairs with a big drop at the beginning. Pretty sure most stairgates actually advise only up to 2years.

Your dad is being the sensible one.

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PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 22/09/2022 22:14

A 4 year old does not need a stair gate.

If you’re still pregnant with number 2 they won’t need a stair gate literally for years.

you are making problems where there are none. They don’t need a stair gate.

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TwiggletLover · 22/09/2022 22:15

A 4 year old shouldn't need a stair gate!

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Itstarts · 22/09/2022 22:15

"EU guidelines say you should stop using stair gates when your child is 2 years old. They may be able to climb over or dislodge the gate at that age and injure themselves. Remove the gates sooner if your child is able to climb over them. When a child is old enough, show them how to slowly and safely clim b the stairs."

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pastabest · 22/09/2022 22:16

My four year old would be more than capable of climbing over a stair gate.

the thought of a pressure fit stairgate at the top of the stairs is absolutely terrifying for a number of reasons.

Far more dangerous than not having one at all.

a four year old shouldn't need a stairgate even in a different house.

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Nopeforme · 22/09/2022 22:20

Why does your 4 year old need a stairgate and why can't your parents just shut her bedroom door when she stays overnight?

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MysteryandMaltesers · 22/09/2022 22:22

YABU I wouldn't make my parents put a trip hazard at the top of the stairs.

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WildfellAnne · 22/09/2022 22:23

Gosh, I hadn’t realised your DD was four. There’s no appropriate stair gate for a four-year-old. They’re really dangerous. That completely clinches it - no stair gate.

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feliciabirthgiver · 22/09/2022 22:24

4!!!! YABU

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Mythril · 22/09/2022 22:24

I think you are being unreasonable insisting on baby gates. It's their home, and plenty of people don't bother with gates. I did have some when my kids were babies but that was to keep the dog out (and the pressure ones kept my 25kg dog out just fine)

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Schoolchoicesucks · 22/09/2022 22:24

Never used stairgates here either. Taught dc to come down stairs safely as soon as they were crawling.

At 4, I'd go with shutting the bedroom door, having a nightlight on the landing so she can see the stairs if she wakes and leaves the room. Surely your parents can shut the door to their room to avoid light coming in?

Agree that a stairgate with a threshold at the top of stairs is an accident waiting to happen.

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KoalaCape · 22/09/2022 22:25

Please do not let them put a pressure gate at the top of the stairs. It is so dangerous for them and your DD because the bar at the bottom is a trip hazard. Not only that, but if you do trip there is a risk the gate will come down the stairs with you. I've tripped up the stairs (on to the landing) on a friend's one and that was terrifying enough!

If your DD needs one, put it on the outside of the frame on the bedroom door and teach her how to open and close it so she can safely do this. If she's awake enough to open the gate, she won't fall down the stairs.

Your other option is suggest a retractable one as they don't have the floor bar like the pressure one. It will need screws but it will be tidily tucked away when no grandchildren are around so they may not find it as annoying. Our top stair gate is screwed in and is a lift up and latch style but obviously it's always there and opens on to our small landing. A retractable one would have meant we could keep more landing space and when no one is upstairs it wouldn't still be visible.

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ladydimitrescu · 22/09/2022 22:29

It's more dangerous having a gate for a 4 year old

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Cantbebotheredwithchores · 22/09/2022 22:30

My daughter is a year younger than yours and I took the stair gates off before she was 3. They were annoying me and she basically liked to close the gates and shut them after us.
We had a stairgate at the top of the stairs incase she was unsteady on her feet and fell down the stairs when she was learning to walk after that they were a nuisance.
We live in a town house and only one stair gate.
Both grandparents provided childcare and had stair gates but not ones that would damage walls and she was always supervised anyway.

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Hercisback · 22/09/2022 22:33

Never had them here. 18mo went into a bed he could climb out of and we've never had a problem. Seems like you're creating an issue where there isn't one.

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lannistunut · 22/09/2022 22:39

YANBU to trust your own instincts about your children. YANBU to find it frustrating your dad is being grumpy about this.

YABU to think you can change your dad.

You might have to just make excuses for a bit.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 22/09/2022 22:43

OP it’s really not normal to have a stair gate for a 4 year old. She’s practically at school.

I suspect your Dad is over at granddad net complaining about his fusspot daughter, with some cause.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:50

@Luredbyapomegranate

LOL you’re probably right. We only ever close the gate at night just to make sure she doesn’t accidentally fall during the night that’s all, we took all the other gates off when she was like 2, 2 and a half.

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pastabest · 22/09/2022 22:52

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/09/2022 22:43

OP it’s really not normal to have a stair gate for a 4 year old. She’s practically at school.

I suspect your Dad is over at granddad net complaining about his fusspot daughter, with some cause.

She quite easily could already be at school if she turns 5 in this academic year.

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FruitPastilleNut · 22/09/2022 22:57

Four?!

You're off your rocker op.

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