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AIBU for asking grandparents to have an appropriate stair gate at top of their stairs?

64 replies

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 21:31

Hi,

I current have 1 DD with another on the way and my parents have moved closer to us as they are getting on a bit etc.. and they just want to be closer to us which is lovely.

So now they have moved their old baby gates that they used at their previous house are pressure fit ones which were find when little one was well little. Now she is bigger we have a screwed in gate at our home which is some much more safe. For some reason my father is stubborn about putting a screwed in one in their house, even one that can be taken off the mounts when DD isn’t over.

So my question is is it unreasonable with me asking him to put a screw fitted gate in? I am more then happy to pay a decorator to come and fill in the holes professionally after the time comes to not need them anymore.

Thanks.

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JaffavsCookie · 23/09/2022 19:36

Aargh no Op, pushed but not latched would be the most dangerous, if she leans on it thinking it is secure she will definitely fall as it swings.

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inheritanceshiteagain · 23/09/2022 09:05

But a decorator doesn't just need to fill holes. It I'll need the wallpaper, painting etc redoing.

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WithIcePlease · 22/09/2022 23:40

Another no stair gate family here
Not cupboard locks

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NewYorkLassie · 22/09/2022 23:39

Are you sure you have the gate on the door fitted correctly? That’s what we do and the door closes just fine.

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Queuesarasarah · 22/09/2022 23:29

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:06

@Margo34

Sorry I missed that, she is 4, but since we have another one on the way I honestly thought it would make sense to have something in place for future sleepovers with the younger one.

My daughter is a pretty good kid, but since my parents just moved I don’t want her to forget herself and take a spill down the stairs since they are literally right next to the room she sleeps in.

Not only is it the light he moans about he then moms about having to get up to open the gate when she wakes up in the morning 🤣 He is getting proper grumpy in his old age.

You really don’t need a stair gate at 4 yrs old and for new baby just shut the door.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 23:25

@lemonyanus

Yeah I agree, why you type things you can never hear the tone of voice. I can understand why it could be seen that way for sure!

I think we might start leaving our gate pushed too but maybe not latched. It’s a little bit of precious first born mentality 🤣🤣🤣 To be fair my mum was the same with me so it’s my only real example of how to handle things like this.

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Abouttimemum · 22/09/2022 23:17

I’d want a screwed in stair gate at the top of the stairs as well tbh. However if it was my parents and she wasn’t staying over regularly I’d let it go.

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lemonyanus · 22/09/2022 23:15

ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 23:09

@Isausernameavailable

paranoid yes, ungrateful never. I’m always grateful for my parents wanting to have my child over to spend time with her etc… She loves going to their house.

It does come across that way a bit with you saying he's moaning and getting grumpy in his old age and so on, but I know it's probably not what you mean and words on a screen come across differently.

You might find when you have two and one is old enough to escape their bed and need a stair gate they might not be as keen to have them overnight so I really wouldn't force this. The 4 year old will be fine although I would ask if they could keep a landing or stair light or nightlight on to light up the stairs if she does find her way down there at night or in early morning. My 5 year old does sometimes but he just comes upstairs again when he realises there's nobody there.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 23:09

@Isausernameavailable

paranoid yes, ungrateful never. I’m always grateful for my parents wanting to have my child over to spend time with her etc… She loves going to their house.

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gogohmm · 22/09/2022 23:08

Just pull a laundry hamper or similar across the top of the stairs as a reminder - worked for mine

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Isausernameavailable · 22/09/2022 23:06

You are so all sorts of unreasonable I couldn't begin. You are also seriously ungrateful that they have your child staying. If it's not good enough for you then say no to them staying

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gogohmm · 22/09/2022 23:05

Never had a stair gate at my house let alone grandparents. Why do they need one?

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 23:04

@FruitPastilleNut

Quite possibly, I wouldn’t put it past myself.

I only have the example from my mum and she had one up for me until I was around that age, just at night.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 23:02

@Cantbebotheredwithchores

Its something for me to think about. The stair gate at the top of our stairs won’t be coming down with another one on the way, don’t see much point, but maybe it’s time to start thinking about leaving it unlocked to what she does.

I think my mum had a gate up until I was about this age but same thing we do, just at night time.

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FruitPastilleNut · 22/09/2022 22:57

Four?!

You're off your rocker op.

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pastabest · 22/09/2022 22:52

Luredbyapomegranate · 22/09/2022 22:43

OP it’s really not normal to have a stair gate for a 4 year old. She’s practically at school.

I suspect your Dad is over at granddad net complaining about his fusspot daughter, with some cause.

She quite easily could already be at school if she turns 5 in this academic year.

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ColouringNinjaMaster · 22/09/2022 22:50

@Luredbyapomegranate

LOL you’re probably right. We only ever close the gate at night just to make sure she doesn’t accidentally fall during the night that’s all, we took all the other gates off when she was like 2, 2 and a half.

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Luredbyapomegranate · 22/09/2022 22:43

OP it’s really not normal to have a stair gate for a 4 year old. She’s practically at school.

I suspect your Dad is over at granddad net complaining about his fusspot daughter, with some cause.

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lannistunut · 22/09/2022 22:39

YANBU to trust your own instincts about your children. YANBU to find it frustrating your dad is being grumpy about this.

YABU to think you can change your dad.

You might have to just make excuses for a bit.

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Hercisback · 22/09/2022 22:33

Never had them here. 18mo went into a bed he could climb out of and we've never had a problem. Seems like you're creating an issue where there isn't one.

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Cantbebotheredwithchores · 22/09/2022 22:30

My daughter is a year younger than yours and I took the stair gates off before she was 3. They were annoying me and she basically liked to close the gates and shut them after us.
We had a stairgate at the top of the stairs incase she was unsteady on her feet and fell down the stairs when she was learning to walk after that they were a nuisance.
We live in a town house and only one stair gate.
Both grandparents provided childcare and had stair gates but not ones that would damage walls and she was always supervised anyway.

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ladydimitrescu · 22/09/2022 22:29

It's more dangerous having a gate for a 4 year old

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KoalaCape · 22/09/2022 22:25

Please do not let them put a pressure gate at the top of the stairs. It is so dangerous for them and your DD because the bar at the bottom is a trip hazard. Not only that, but if you do trip there is a risk the gate will come down the stairs with you. I've tripped up the stairs (on to the landing) on a friend's one and that was terrifying enough!

If your DD needs one, put it on the outside of the frame on the bedroom door and teach her how to open and close it so she can safely do this. If she's awake enough to open the gate, she won't fall down the stairs.

Your other option is suggest a retractable one as they don't have the floor bar like the pressure one. It will need screws but it will be tidily tucked away when no grandchildren are around so they may not find it as annoying. Our top stair gate is screwed in and is a lift up and latch style but obviously it's always there and opens on to our small landing. A retractable one would have meant we could keep more landing space and when no one is upstairs it wouldn't still be visible.

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Schoolchoicesucks · 22/09/2022 22:24

Never used stairgates here either. Taught dc to come down stairs safely as soon as they were crawling.

At 4, I'd go with shutting the bedroom door, having a nightlight on the landing so she can see the stairs if she wakes and leaves the room. Surely your parents can shut the door to their room to avoid light coming in?

Agree that a stairgate with a threshold at the top of stairs is an accident waiting to happen.

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feliciabirthgiver · 22/09/2022 22:24

4!!!! YABU

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