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How important are “school mum friends”
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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 13:57

I’ve never made any mum friends at my kids school despite everyone saying once my kids go school I would have loads of mum friends, I’m shy and socially awkward so unless I really forced myself it hasn’t happened naturally, no one really speaks to anyone and there isn’t a class WhatsApp (only heard about them on here!) play dates don’t happen and dd year 1 has never had a party invite though she does have friends, i just don’t think these are things at their school as it was the same for my older children. Anyway moving on how important are mum friends? Does anyone still stay in contact with the mums their kids were friends with at primary school when they leave school? I don’t know anyone who does still have a friendship with mums their kids went to school with so just wondered?

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Stickmansmum · 22/09/2022 14:01

I’ve loads of mum friends, and 4 WhatsApp’s which are handy for each child. Most mum friends are just people I can chat away with. Some come in and out if my life depending on how close friends they are with one of my children at that time. But I do have a really close group of mum friends. We are closer due to tragedy as it’s brought us into a unit. We have so much fun when out together, there is 8 of us. And all incredibly different personalities. Such a hilarious group of women. I’d say we’ll stay friends a long time.

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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 14:02

Personally as I said I don’t know anyone who is still friends with mums they met at the school gates now their kids are older and no longer primary kids so I wondered if a lot of the friendships are just due to the kids

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Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 22/09/2022 14:04

Have you invited anyone on a playdate or to a party?

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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 14:05

Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas · 22/09/2022 14:04

Have you invited anyone on a playdate or to a party?

Knew I would be asked this, I’m not bothered they haven’t been invited that’s not what I’m asking about. I don’t expect invites I’m just adding context.

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Anoisagusaris · 22/09/2022 14:09

Vital for me. I’m friends with parents of all my children’s friends. We live in a village though, so kids go to one primary school and two secondary schools, and to the same activities. We share lifts, have days out and occasional night’s out.

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Anoisagusaris · 22/09/2022 14:10

No one is ever stuck for childcare (on an ad-hoc basis, there are no CFs like I read about here who expect ongoing childcare and lifts without reciprocating).

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bigbadbarry · 22/09/2022 14:11

You need friends but they don't have to be 'school mums' (that said, my kids are teenagers now and I have two close friends I met in the playground when they were at primary school). It's a good idea on a purely practical note to be at least a bit friendly and approachable - they can save your life with lift sharing and emergency pick-ups as long as you are willing to do the same in return.

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LGBirmingham · 22/09/2022 14:13

My mum is still friends with one of my primary school friend's mum. I'm not still friends with her daughter though. I think it is more to do with living near each other in a small town and less to do with me. However they met after I became friends with her daughter.

I think any situation is what you make of it. You don't need to make friends with other parents but can if you want to? Same as making friends at work? If you feel like you would like more friends other parents from school might be a good place to start?

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whereareyousleep · 22/09/2022 14:13

Nope not for me I have a couple I say hello to I have the number of a couple when my eldest has been over for play dates but that only started last year when the kids arranged them themselves and I just double checked with the mum. I wouldn't consider them as friends at all. It's never really interested me and doesn't bother me. No class what's app either thank god. I never really get the school mum friends but I don't blame other for having them if that's what works for you it's just not for me!

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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 14:14

My mum isn’t friends with anyone I went to school with she was chatty and friendly with them but I couldn’t imagine her being friends with them now! Maybe depends where you live so small village ok but we are in London.

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1000yellowdaisies · 22/09/2022 14:18

I don't have any school mum friends... DC does breakfast and after school club so i don't do the normal school run ever so that i might meet mum's... it does bother me but not loads i can do about it as a working single parent...
Ive thrown parties for DC and invited the whole class and met mums that way and chatted to parents at sports day but weve never become more friendly than saying hello when paths cross. At lot of the school mums seem quite aloof and clichey and tbh i cant be bothered trying to win them over.
Dc are happy at school and always come home talking about their friends. They've only been invited to one kids party in the last 12 months, i know there have been at least 2 parties she hasn't been invited to for kids shes friends with... i wasnt particularly bothered as assumed that the parents kept the parties small due to cost

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3WildOnes · 22/09/2022 14:19

I am still friendly with a few mums.
My mum is also still friendly with a few of the mums from my primary school!
We are also in London.
Are you sure there is no class WhatsApp group? No playdates? No playdates seems especially bizarre in London where I find these are much more organised as less children play out.

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Blix · 22/09/2022 14:20

I made contacts of all the other mums when DC were at village primary. Most of that is transient, once at secondary you seldom see another parent and DC grown up now. None of the friendships endured.

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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 14:21

How would you know if there is one? No one has invited me so I’m assuming not? Play dates no dd has said things like x invited me to his house but it’s not come from any mums so don’t think that counts!

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Youaremysunshine14 · 22/09/2022 14:22

I have a core group of mum friends from primary that I am still incredibly close to as our kids go through secondary. Our families even go on holiday as a group. The caveat, though, is that we all met first through nursery first and the dads got on brilliantly too. I think without those elements, especially the latter, the friendships wouldn't have been as strong.

Is it crucial to make friends at the school gate though? No, it's not. It's just nice if you can.

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ZaZathecat · 22/09/2022 14:23

I guess they are only important if you want for friends.
I was never in a group of mum friends, but used to chat to people who were on their own. I am close friends 10 years later with 2 of these people.

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ClivePowermax · 22/09/2022 14:23

We have a class WhatsApp group and I'm Facebook friends with a few nice mums who I chat to in the playground. They're good people so I think if I had a real emergency one-off I could ask them for a last minute favour (and I would help them, but they've got other mums they're close to so I doubt I'd be asked), but I doubt they'd think of me as a friend friend, if you get me. I've got close mum friends from when our DC were babies but the DC all go to different schools.

I don't mind for myself because I find friendships stressful generally, but I do worry that my DC will miss out if I'm rubbish at being brave & proactive about playdates and so on. But I don't feel like I'm missing out for myself. I'm happy with surface-level pleasantries at the school gates, personally.

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SouperNoodle · 22/09/2022 14:25

We don't have a class WhatsApp but I'm friends with a fair few mums.
I met them at various baby groups and became close and some I met when dd was in preschool. Now the kids are in school, we're all good friends.

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cavamonster · 22/09/2022 14:26

I am in London, I've loads of school mum mates. Love it, good chat, lots of nights out, the kids know their kids so works if we are all out even if they aren't best friends. Mostly I just like a little natter when we collect in the playground but we have also rallied round when emergencies happen.

However the importance of having them will be individual, you don't sound like you can be arsed which if is the case then obviously it's not important to you, so in your case I wouldn't bother.
You also don't mind no parties or play dates where as my daughters are at a party or a play date every week and really enjoy socialising with their friends out of school, I don't mind rocking up with her as most times there's an offer of a glass of wine and a laugh so it's important/enjoyable to us

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InDubiousBattle · 22/09/2022 14:26

I'm friendly with lots of parents at my dcs school and there are 3 or 4 that I'll go for a coffee with. Not best friends but we'll help each other out in bind and have a quick chat at drop off/pick up. I would say it's pretty unusual to have had no party or play date invitations at all in reception.

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Parker231 · 22/09/2022 14:27

Never had any school mum friends. We used breakfast and after school clubs so rarely saw any parents other than drop off and collect from parties. No WhatsApp group - thank goodness! DT’s had no trouble making friends and had more party invites than we could manage.
My friends don’t have any connection with DT’s.

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lizziesiddal79 · 22/09/2022 14:27

I have school mum acquaintances.

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itsgrownbacknow · 22/09/2022 14:28

My son is 19 now and I'm only really in touch with 1 mum friend from infant years. Our sons have grown apart but we have a friendship that's based on other things. I interact with others occasionally on social media but wouldn't meet up etc

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SpinningFloppa · 22/09/2022 14:29

Yes that’s what I thought haven’t received any at all but I guess if I haven’t done any that’s why though her birthday was may?! So they weren’t to know she wouldn’t have one 🤔 when I mentioned London I was referring to my own mother not being friends with my school mums friends now 30 years later, she was friendly with them but she isn’t friends with them now, not saying that it speaks for London now. Just saying you are more likely to still remain friends in a small village where everyone is still living.

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Youaremysunshine14 · 22/09/2022 14:31

I'm in London too, close school mum friends, see above.

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