How important are “school mum friends”

[SpinningFloppa]

I’ve never made any mum friends at my kids school despite everyone saying once my kids go school I would have loads of mum friends, I’m shy and socially awkward so unless I really forced myself it hasn’t happened naturally, no one really speaks to anyone and there isn’t a class WhatsApp (only heard about them on here!) play dates don’t happen and dd year 1 has never had a party invite though she does have friends, i just don’t think these are things at their school as it was the same for my older children. Anyway moving on how important are mum friends? Does anyone still stay in contact with the mums their kids were friends with at primary school when they leave school? I don’t know anyone who does still have a friendship with mums their kids went to school with so just wondered?

I used to go to play dates etc with school mothers but I have completely stepped back and removed myself from the wattsapp group etc. The kids are at an age where they’re starting to fall out and it was becoming a whole load of unnecessary drama about playground antics. I have friends and I never really formed any strong bonds to be fair.

I have loads of friends but was never interested in having 'mum' friends as such. Lots of my friends have children so I wasn't short of people to go on play days etc with. No interest in speaking to the cliques at the school gates tbh! It's never hindered me in any way either.

I'm also in London and my really good old friends are scattered around the city and indeed the UK/abroad. To begin with I was a bit unsure about the idea of "mum friends"- I still am a little bit- but to be honest the more I've chatted with some people the more I've realised they're a) nice b) interesting and c) not just "mum friends" but- gasp!- actual adult humans who I like!

And, crucially for me they're local, which is really nice when your kids are small and getting out of your neighbourhood is tricky.

I like the other school mums at my dc school, but I wouldn't class any of them as good friends. But they are important as it is good for my dcs to have the odd play date and party invite. They are both definitely things at our school though.

We have WhatsApp groups, but I mainly ignore them 🤫. Only because they got a bit silly at one point and I'd rather avoid

Many of mine are now very dear friends. They are not “second rate” 🙄. One died recently and at the eulogy we very much featured.

Kids are all teens now only a few of them are still friends but we all are. It’s amazing having a local group of fun interesting women to do stuff with. But I work in law so any “work friends” I may make are deadly dull and utterly square.

They are not at all important.

Just because people have children the same age doesn't mean you have anything else in common.

I work so never did the school run and have a full set of friends already. I had no need for mum friends and no opportunity to make them even if I had wanted them.

There has been no detriment to my life or my children as a result.

Does anyone still stay in contact with the mums their kids were friends with at primary school when they leave school?

I think this ^ is a different question from

How important are school mum friends?

When my dc were at Primary school there were LOADS of occasions when it was really helpful to be friendly with parents of their friends - sharing lifts; going to 'wave' at them in an assembly or play or sports day you couldn't get to; scooping them up from school if one of you got delayed / stuck in traffic; taking them to school for you when you've had an operation or accident; looking after them when you've had to travel to a funeral in a different part of the country; collecting one from something late when you've had to put a younger sibling to bed; sharing pick ups when one class is late back from a trip; keeping one sibling to play so the other parent can take the other ones to a sports fixture or music exam or whatever.
So, for me, having a network of people that I could help and that could help me was invaluable to us all. So I'd say "very important" to your title question, but that has not nothing to do with remaining friends with them or not when you all didn't need that any more.

That said, I know loads of people who are still friends with other parents the met at the school gate 30, 40, 50 or more years ago, so plenty do become personal friends, over and above the friendship of it's time.

Not important for me, I was an outcast mum, ds was at a Catholic school, we weren't Catholic & I committed the ultimate sin of leaving my husband for someone else.

I would say it's pretty unusual to have had no party or play date invitations at all in reception.

This. Are you quite sure there isn't a class WhatsApp group, that you aren't on? Is there a PTA/class rep for Reception/Year 1 you could ask - is there one and if not how about starting it?

I'm in London and really don't recognise your OP - we're three weeks in and there's a trickle of party invites, parents chat a little bit at the gate, and a fair number head to the local park after school for the kids to have a run-around. I'm not sure I'd quite say friends (yet?) but you can find people for a friendly chat.

I'm also very much a "village" type - I want my children talking and listening to lots of adults, having adults take an interest in them and reciprocating with their kids. This afternoon I sat on a picnic blanket with various people's squidgy babies while the parents went and sorted the older kids (including mine). So I'd say school parent friends are quite important to me.

I think when I was younger it felt important and I made an effort. Organised nights out etc. It's quite hard work maintaining it all but I'd moved to a new town etc etc. 13 years later I had a second baby and was by now 42. I couldn't have cared less. The school gate mums were all a decade plus younger than me and it didn't really matter. Made a couple of friends who stood the test but otherwise I couldn't be arsed. We all communicate for the sake of the children and their social lives but otherwise it's not a dynamic that I'd want to do again.

Maybe some schools are just less friendly? I’m not the only one who has said there is no WhatsApp group, if there is one it’s never been mentioned? Don’t know how I can be sure without approaching strangers and asking them all I know is it’s never been mentioned at all, I have older children never once heard a WhatsApp group being mentioned, the parents don’t really speak everyone just queues up silently.

Had a few mum ‘ friends’ throughout my children primary years . Am still friends with about 6 mums from different year groups now .THe rest of them were literally people I new because our kids were in the same class! I really wouldn’t give it too much thought TBH

My dd is 14 and I have no school mum friends. Mainly as I'm on my own and work a 9-5 job so it was morning and after school clubs. I kinda wish I did. It would have been nice for events and concert nights etc and handy in general but I've been fine without it really

It depends on your circumstances too. If you already have a lovely local group of friends it won’t matter. For me I moved to a new city when pregnant with a toddler and was a sahm so frankly playgroup/ school was my route to meeting people.

Have a great local group now 16 odd years later. Now work for myself so no work colleagues either. We meet all the time coffee / Friday drinks / weekends away / paddleboarding/ walks / anything really. My life would be super boring without them. Not sure where else I would have met such a large like minded group.

I think it varies I had mum friends with my two elder dd not friends with any of them now (mostly drifted apart although a couple actively fell out) this was pre social media tho so I think it's easier to stay friends now. I have a group of current mum friends they are ok but I don't see a long term friendship

@Floweryflora I moved areas with dc. I knew nobody, why would I not make friends at the school gates and why is concerning that I had to do this?!

My DCs are 27-30. I still meet up with mums from their primary school every two weeks. It was an awesome school and supported many of us through some very challenging times (illness, bereavement etc) so we just carried on. Only one new friend added from secondary school - that place was a nightmare!

I love that you have been friends for all those years! I hope our friendship group keeps going for as many. We're 11 years (from nursery days) and counting!