Is it selfish to send dc to school when they clearly need a break?

[upandmummin]

They have just started half days in school and it's a big adjustment but their behaviour has gone downhill and I think she's just exhausted by it. Problem is I'm 7 months pregnant and also exhausted and her mornings are the only break I get a lot of the time. I have been so busy this week the house has gone to absolute shit and if she goes to school tomorrow I will have the morning to get on top of it but after a difficult day, loads of huge tantrums and a clearly very child tired I feel like really she needs a day off tomorrow to chill. I feel like I'm trying to pick whose sanity to save! It's selfish to send her in for my benefit when she needs a break isn't it?

Of course you’re conflating them! You literally asked why they’re different. You have called them equivalent - they aren’t. A three year old doing a few hours at nursery then coming home to sleep and relax is nothing like an adult working full time. If you can’t see that we’re obviously not going to agree any more than I could come to an agreement in Mandarin with a monkey who only speaks French.

My very sleepy dd remains someone who sleeps a full night and then some. I think when they're bright and active, they exhaust themselves with everything. I always described dd as a spinning top. You're too young to know what that is, but it's an old toy which you pressed down on and it just spun around and around and around. Dd is like that. She still runs on full steam when awake and then just conks out completely.

This is a spinning top spinning top

I would send her in but then allow the afternoon to be very lazy. Bit of lunch wrapped in a fleece blanket in front of TV or a long nap.

Sorry, but how did you minimise “shattered and exhausted” into “a bit of tiredness”?

Because that's what we're discussing here?
A 3 year old who's feeling quite tired due to adapting to a new routine.
Unless there's a massive drip feed that she's recently overcome a major illness or similar then this is just a little person who's finding life tiring at the moment and needs more naps.
So no, an adult wouldn't expect to take a day off in similar circumstances.

OP said
it's a big adjustment but their behaviour has gone downhill and I think she's just exhausted by it

but after a difficult day, loads of huge tantrums and a clearly very child tired I feel like really she needs a day off tomorrow to chill. I feel like I'm trying to pick whose sanity to save!

I think adjusting to 2 different settings and going from 2 full days to 2 full days and 3 half days is too much

So it’s not just a new routine, it’s a much more demanding routine that OP thinks is “too much.” And the child isn’t “quite tired” they are described as “exhausted”, “very tired” and OP mentions her DD having “tantrums” (which could be overload meltdowns) and saving her DDs “sanity”

Generally, in our culture we tend to understate things….so when a mother is saying the above, I’m going to take it seriously and not minimise it into a “bit of tiredness” over a “new routine”. 🤨

Generally, in our culture we tend to understate things

Except on Mumsnet when we overdramatise everything!! 😆

Fair point.

Keep her home, let her chill while you do what you want to do, you say you'd like to get the house in order....let her nap or play quietly while you do it...or let her join in with you.

She probably has no understanding of what day it is/where she should be. Just don't mention it and keep her home.
You know her best, you say she clearly needs a break - give her a break.

I would do whatever makes you feel comfortable. Just to those saying it’s only nursery, keep her off, if using government funded hours, most nurseries will have an attendance expectation of around 85%. Lack of attendance will see funding clawed back from the nursery (by the council) So nurseries May not have the same relaxed attitude to attendance.

What a strange title. School and Nursery are totally different. She doesn't need to be in nursery.

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Talk to the school - when are you going to go on Maternity leave to move to 5 mornings because I assume it is within this half term.

What are the 2 days she is in - I would talk to the school about a temporary fix of only doing 2 mornings until you are on maternity leave? I assume they are aware of the 2 nursery days?

And the school may well have an opinion on this as well which means that having dropped 2 mornings a 3rd may not be ideal.

Could your partner take a day or two off ovre the next month or to stay at home as well on your work days. Or help with the cleaning.

I remember though - DS was born as DD started preschool (3 and a half year age gap) and it is an emotional time letting go of one as another is born

I agree. Totally misleading.

We're in Wales it's very much called school here? Private nursery is nursery and a nursery class in a primary school is school? Not sure what's misleading about that

I used to keep dd home from nursery if she was tired out.

Round here school is from reception age. Anything before that is voluntary and not compulsory. My ds never went to nursery in any shape or form so school to me is the compulsory school from reception.
I assumed it was like that everywhere.

I'm not having a go I just mean it will alter peoples answers.

I'm in Wales, I know what you meant but it's still nursery! The nursery class at school...confusing!

I wouldn't keep her off, she needs to get used to it and it's only 2.5 hours on her non-wraparound days, but just very quiet, lazy afternoons. My DS is the same.

My Welsh friend always refers to "starting school" at age 3 as well, but in England we do draw a distinction.

I hope you take from this thread that there's no right answer here OP. Not selfish to send her in as there are pros to establishing a predictable routine, but not a problem to keep her off if you think she's really struggling.

Actually no, if an adult was shattered & exhausted I wouldn’t tell them to have a day off work at all. I would tell them to relax after work & on the weekends, along with other suggestions.

Children should not have ‘mental health days’ off School (i hasn’t seen op update that she was in nursery so optional therefore fine to keep her off to relax).