Is it selfish to send dc to school when they clearly need a break?

[upandmummin]

They have just started half days in school and it's a big adjustment but their behaviour has gone downhill and I think she's just exhausted by it. Problem is I'm 7 months pregnant and also exhausted and her mornings are the only break I get a lot of the time. I have been so busy this week the house has gone to absolute shit and if she goes to school tomorrow I will have the morning to get on top of it but after a difficult day, loads of huge tantrums and a clearly very child tired I feel like really she needs a day off tomorrow to chill. I feel like I'm trying to pick whose sanity to save! It's selfish to send her in for my benefit when she needs a break isn't it?

@Discovereads a 4 year old doesn’t need & should not be having ‘mental health days.’ More sleep, patience & chill time after school will ease her through this tricky time.

Even though it’s “only” nursery, I would be a bit wary of giving her a “day off”. Kids at that age are super clever and she will make the link between her behaviours (meltdowns etc) and getting to stay hom. I’d be concerned you will find her behaviours worsen as she attempts to repeat the trick. In my opinion, it would be better to leave her in and then maybe pick up early (or even after an hour). The act of going on and leaving on a consistent basis is very important and not inadvertently rewarding bad behaviour

Based on your update, I would keep her off if she's that exhausted.

Catching up with the housework can wait

If she is going to cut back when you are on mat leave anyway, just do whatever you want. Neither option is dreadful or perfect.

First, she is 3 not 4, she has over a year to work up to full time school days, there is no urgency. Secondly, it’s not compulsory for her to attend given her age. Thirdly, the “tough it out” approach doesn’t work for every child. Fourth, the attitudes on here are clearly why younger and younger kids are having mental health crises at historically high rates because there is a general denial that young children do have both physical and mental health needs.

If an adult were shattered and exhausted, we’d say take a day off work to recharge. Why is it different when it is a child involved? It shouldn’t be.

Send her in.
Ignore the housework.
Get her to bed a bit earlier each night and have really chilled, relaxed weekends.

I mean I probably wouldn’t tell an adult who had worked a few mornings and had afternoons off to take a day off to ‘recharge.’ I’d tell them to just chill in the afternoon.

Obviously I don’t think it’s a big deal for op to keep her child off nursery if she wants too, but I think it’s daft to equate someone who is burnt out from work taking a mental health day with a 3 year old who is so exhausted from two mornings at nursery that she needs a day to ‘recharge.’ Also, you could easily send her in and let her teachers know she is tired and may need some quiet activities or extra attention. My work don’t tend to look lightly on me saying I’m a bit tired so need to curl up in the quiet corner when I’m feeling like it, while nursery would encourage this. So that’s why it’s different. Because it’s two entirely different situations.

Unless she is unwell, she needs to go in. School isn’t optional. Earlier bedtime if necessary.

It's only Tuesday ! How can she be 'exhausted' from three hours at nursery ... surely they are just playing not exactly learning their times tables . Early night ... quiet afternoon.

@Kanaloa
I mean I probably wouldn’t tell an adult who had worked a few mornings and had afternoons off to take a day off to ‘recharge.’ I’d tell them to just chill in the afternoon.

This 3yr old “works” two full days and is now in the process of adding 3 half days to that. It’s a lot for a small child to jump into. They’re not capable of a forty hour schedule like an adult is, so I agree with you in that it’s a different situation but it’s because an adult can do more hours than a 3yr old can. And there’s nothing wrong with gradually ramping up instead of going from home all day 5 days a week to home only 2 days a week all within a week or two. It a massive schedule change.

I was utterly confused with your OP as I thought that you were talking about twins (they) and that 'she' was their teacher or nanny!
However, in reading the replies to you, it appears that you're talking about one child (a girl) and there is no nanny lol.

My dd started school at 4 years and 11 months. Now that dd was a sleeper. Slept about 13 hours a night and then had a little nap any time she was in a moving vehicle, even AFTER HAVING TAKEN A NAP. Her first grade teacher told me at my first ever parent/teacher meeting 1 month into school that my dd had fallen asleep on one occasion at school. I had to try to explain that she sleeps a lot, that she eats a healthy diet and that she's super energetic. Thankfully, that teacher was a friend of my sister so knew that my dd was not in any way neglected. I was most concerned though as while I knew that she was a super chilled baby, maybe there was something wrong. The teacher told me not to worry at all, that a lot of them do it. The first month is exhausting on them.

Think of it like a new job. New hours. New environment. Exhaustion.

In fairness if a 3 year old is used to doing 2 days and has changed to 5 days, across 2 settings, they will be tired. Doing them the kindness of staying at home as a one-off while they settle in sounds reasonable, given the OP would be at home anyway, so prioritising child over housework / own tiredness.

I didn’t say there was anything wrong with keeping her home if that’s what her mum wants to do. I was simply pointing out that you’re being daft to try to conflate working full time with attending nursery for a few hours in the morning - attending a setting where you can nap anytime you want simply not the same as working full time. For obvious reasons.

If an adult were shattered and exhausted, we’d say take a day off work to recharge. Why is it different when it is a child involved? It shouldn’t be

Erm we really wouldn't, that's not a functional model for a workplace. Most people who work for a living are kind of expected to deal with a bit of tiredness. Especially if they'd just had a 2-day weekend to recharge and had a bank holiday coming up.

Absolutely.

Yes Ms Turnbull

Sorry, but how did you minimise “shattered and exhausted” into “a bit of tiredness”?

Please change the title to say 3YO and nursery!

I think your little lady might just need a nap when she comes home from nursery.

It’s nursery , not school so you don’t have to send her. Keep her home and have a chilled out day.

It's all go go go at nursery for them. It's three hours of fun and frolicks and learning and rules and mean kids and making friends and boys being mean. Your little girl needs her daytime nap. That's all.

I’m not conflating the two, you are. You are just not getting the fact that expectations for 3yr olds are lower than for 30yr olds, because they are toddlers some still in nappies. They will become exhausted doing far less than what would exhaust an adult. Two full days plus three half days can be too much for a 3yr old to jump into all at once. It is the age adjusted equivalent to an adult working full time.

Also would she have a nap after nursery on her half days. My dd had a nap every day after coming home from nursery for about 6 months,.