Don’t let husband go out alone with my 2 year old I feel like he won’t take care of him properly 😩😩

[NishaaS123]

So I have a 2 year old, I don’t let him go out with my husband alone it gives me anxiety he won’t take care of him properly he’s gone to the park with him now and when I very rarely let them go alone I have the worst thoughts of the worst happening to my DS. Is this normal?

Apologies for bad post. On my phone and need glasses

But then why suggest that “everyone” does? You do understand surely that most children have two parents who live together.

I can totally understand this. Admittedly it's not "normal" but I felt the same after having my first son. He was a very traumatic delivery and in scbu afterwards very poorly. I didn't let him out my sight and didn't leave him with anyone including his father for a long time. I ended up on beta blockers and antidepressants which did help.

I wouldn't say it has totally gone away. He is now 9 and my youngest 3. I'm fine with their father taking them out (can't say I don't still worry but it's not major) but if someone else has them (rarely due to circumstances) I do worry that something will happen or they won't be looked after properly. It's hard but they are just so precious aren't they?

Seriously just filter out the negative and listen to supportive people. There’s some very angry people in this world. Anxiety does make you feel this I can confirm I have and do feel this way and I’ve lots of help for anxiety. Don’t feel like you can’t post and don’t even defend yourself against them. Ignore the bullshit.

I’m not sure “most” do live in a two parent setup. There are lots of different family setups nowadays.

OP, you have completely changed your story. What is the point of posting if you describe a problem but when questioned completely deny it and get angry at people for having believed you and trying to help?

Do they? Actually me and my dd have a very happy privileged life. Good for you for staying together. Didn’t work out that way for me but we have a very good coparenting relationship and do things together.

You don’t believe the data? Why not?

www.gingerbread.org.uk/what-we-do/media-centre/single-parents-facts-figures/

I suspect the fact that your DH isn’t available to or doesn’t instigate taking his son out by himself is feeding into this. Sounds like you need some professional help but also DH and DS having a regular weekly appointment eg swimming or weekend toddler group will give you some space and left you/him build up confidence.

Of course you do, hence describing your child as “my” not “ours”…

We’ve got ourselves a smug. Don’t get too smug my darling!

@SianNotAMan that link says a quarter of children grow up in single parent households. It doesn’t list children in care, those with grandparents and those in blended families.

Haha it does make me laugh. We are not a couple so that just doesn’t feel right. Trust me we have been apart for a number of years and OUR child knows she is number 1 priority and we will work together to give her the love and support she needs. Our personal differences from the past do not factor in.

For goodness' sake both of you. Give it a rest.

People say 'my DD' and 'my DS' here all the time, btw, even if they are happily partnered up with their child's other parent.

I agree it’s a non argument. It’s just picking. I don’t think someone seeking advice for her feelings should be picked at. Any Lilly’s scrap and the vultures are are in there. Laughable

@MsChatterbox I agree that exposure really helps, it’s like most things, the more you do it, the easier it gets.

My DD (17) is currently out with DH. I expect he’s let her eat some things I’d prefer her not to, but she’s generally safe.

When they learn to drive…now that really tests your anxiety. 😂

Hi OP - if you feel up to it you can self refer to the NHS for CBT which will help you to find ways to manage this anxiety. Best of luck to you xx

It’s a sad state of affairs when you see a post you can relate to and would like to share and offer support but end up just hiding the thread. There’s so many reasonable posts and questions and all of sudden people are told that their husband shouldn’t put up with them yada yada. If you don’t feel like it something you can connect with just go on another thread and discuss things that relate to
your life.

You aren’t the thread police. You can report any posts that you think are inappropriate.

OP I completely understand! I found with both of mine age 2 was peak anxiety inducing time!!! I promise you it gets easier. Gradually increasing exposure is the way forward. And be gentle on yourself. Anxiety is a fucker.

The thread police haha no but I possess empathy something that some people clearly obviously lack. Why come into a support forum to be blatantly unsupportive and sometimes downright rude.

OP, I get like this sometimes and my husband and son are always going out and about together and are as thick as thieves, having a great time and perfectly safe (as much as you can ever be!) It's anxiety, pure and simple, for me. I also have OCD and I think this affects it too. I just have to sit with it and let it pass, and by the time they are back from their outing I will have forgotten about it.
Some days it's not an issue at all, but some days it is- is this the same for you, or do you always feel it?
Today, they went out in the car and I thought either they were going to crash, or that my husband would abduct my son. I know it's not real, they are just intrusive thoughts.

OP some people do understand it and I’ve seen friends with anxiety go through this. You don’t need to feel ashamed about it. Sounds like you love your family but you are anxious. It will get better and easier. I am not a very confident driver so I would drive the long way around to avoid roads that I consider dangerous. Not rational really and I know that but I was extremely anxious when she was a baby. It went through the roof. It all part of PND and I think it’s abhorrent that anyone would critic you. Excuse my language but anonymity brings out the beasts.

I have a friend who co-sleeps with her four year old since birth (just mum and baby) and has never ever not gone to bed with the child including naps. Not a single meal out even. Feels her husband won't be good enough to parent. Posts on Facebook about what a wonderful father he is though. So you're not the only one OP.

She probably gone like everyone else who comes to this support forum only to find a bunch of judgemental twats.