Don’t let husband go out alone with my 2 year old I feel like he won’t take care of him properly 😩😩

[NishaaS123]

So I have a 2 year old, I don’t let him go out with my husband alone it gives me anxiety he won’t take care of him properly he’s gone to the park with him now and when I very rarely let them go alone I have the worst thoughts of the worst happening to my DS. Is this normal?

Lots of people with older kids moan that their other half isn’t hands on enough but this is where it starts.

@MeredithGreen This is exactly what my friend says-but she’s never given her DH the chance to do it! I didn’t have much choice with work and doing a degree when mine were young, DH had to pitch in-and it’s been much better, he’s a great Dad.

My DD is 4, we lift share to school with my neighbour, on nice days she takes DD on her bike (her DS rides his bike). I suffer from anxiety. The first time she took her I was terrified, despite having done the same myself many times and seen her do it. I had to rationalise that NDN can keep her own DS safe so can keep my DD safe too, also NDN is a teacher so knows the duty of care she has, and then let them get on with it.

If you suffer from anxiety, parenting can be scary, and there will be (many) times you need to give yourself a good talking too, for the sake of your child and their normal development. I often have to take a step back and let DH take the lead, or think back to what my friends did when their kids were DD age. I also have the added issue that I'm a paramedic so have a somewhat distorted perspective of child mortality, but I'm aware that this is a specific problem and remind myself of that fact when I start getting anxious.

At the moment you're damaging your child's development jeopardising you marriage.

Your poor husband. I think many people would struggle to be married to someone who doesn’t trust them with their own child.

What help have you sought for your anxiety, OP?

I understand that anxiety requires treatment, just as a physical illness does.

Interesting that you say ," my DS ".

The impression I get from this thread is that many people have no personal experience of anxiety and are not being very sympathetic.
I think it’s pretty normal for people who may never have experienced anxiety have their first experience when they become parents. It is such a huge responsibility, and it is good to take it seriously. Also good to recognise this is what it is and allow the other parent to take sole responsibility, but it is perfectly understandable. Most posts on this thread make it seem odder than it is.
Do none of you remember having any “perfect first born” moments?

Okay everyone needs to calm down guys. First of all I have NEVER stopped him from going out my our DS. He RARELY goes out with him alone because my husband works long hours.
secondly my husband and OUR son have a great bond together! So NO I am not spoiling there relationship in any shape or form.
as he rarely takes him out by himself BECAUSE he’s got a very busy schedule not due to ME. Whenever he does take him outside I just feel very anxious and think fo the worst things that’s due to my anxiety which I am getting help for.
everyone is just lashing out at me, but thanks to the few people who understand anxiety and how hard it can be to manage specially when you have a child who is at home with you 24/7 and his dad is not around much due to his busy working schedule.
I was just having these thoughts so wanted to talk to other mums who might have it aswell!
maybe I didn’t word my OP correctly so sorry for that.
but hopefully you guys will understand my point more now.
and once again thank you to the few mums who actually understand how anxiety works.

@MeredithGreen
thank you this!
maybe I didn’t word my op correctly I was having anxiety at the moment so I just wrote it but I have explained what I actually meant in my previous comment hopefully people will be a little less judgmental now

Totally understand OP but you did say in your op that you don't let him out with your DH on his own

And sorry guys but what’s wrong with me calling him “MY DS”? Yes he is his son but he’s mine too a lot of other people on this post have also said MY DS?!?

@edel2
yes I agree but it wasn’t meant to be that way I was having anxiety so just wrote down my thoughts that’s why I cleared it in the comments

I’m diagnosed with GAD and one way I handle anxious thoughts is to picture the worst-case scenario and then consider how likely it is to happen. From what you’ve said, the likelihood of your son coming to any harm when out with his Dad is minimal, no higher than when he’s out with you. 💐

@Cameleongirl
yes definitely I am trying to work on my tenchiques but sometimes as you must know the anxiety just takes over and it’s the worst 😩😩😩

It gets easier as they get older and develop a bit of their own common sense. 2 year olds are at the peak cross over between being mobile, wanting to be independent but having no sense of danger.

Plenty probably know full-well how it can be, hence the suggestions that the OP seeks medical help, as “not allowing” a father to take his own child out of the house is absolutely not acceptable.

We do no allow medical issues to break up a marriage or deny our children time with a parent without seeing if anything can be done first.

In a debrief after a fatal paediatric trauma job, the A&E consultant said to me, "a big part of the reason these jobs are so difficult and catch as of guard is because they are so exceedingly rare".

I remind myself of this when I start to get anxious over what could happen to my DD (and also kept her rear-facing for much longer than average!!).

I was exactly the same. The only way I got over it was exposure. The more times they went out and came home safely the more I trusted them. I was probably so annoying constantly checking they're okay. I think if you explain your feelings to your husband and explain you want to get better then it should help with understanding and patience.

It does yes but I take anxiety meds and it doesn’t completely eliminate. I’d love not to have it. I’ve had lots of therapy too. I am way better than I used to be so I’m not overbearing but she does get a little irritated that I’m always quite cautious

My dd I mean

Everyone does🤷‍♀️

No, I’d generally say “our.”

That actually does make me feel better. That it’s rare. Obviously I have some sort of attachment issue and I just love my dd so much I worry.

I used to feel like this in the beginning. I had post natal anxiety.
But you have to try let go and trust your husband. My husband was very understanding and would send me pictures every now and again so I knew all was ok. In the beginning, he'd come back after half an hour (DS was breastfed anyway and couldn't go out for too long with me in the early days) and we worked our way up. It sounds so silly but anxiety isn't logical and it is paralysing. The more he went out with DS, the less I worried and the anxiety decreased. DS is now 2, has the best relationship with his dad and they go out all day sometimes to let me study and I don't worry at all. It's tough when you have anxiety but you can get through it op. Speak to someone, get some help for it and start off making small changes and work your way up.

I would say my dd because I haven’t been with her dad since she was 2

She is asking for advice, she know la she has anxiety and knows it’s over the top. No need to say that really.I really feel for vulnerable nee parents posting here. Luckily some people are very supportive. Others not so much