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Original poster

Active 9 month old coming across as bully

66 replies

SpikeyPorcupine · 09/09/2022 17:47

Hi, I just wanted a little advice if anyone has any experience of this.

My little girl is nearly 9 months but she is quite petite for her age. She is a confident crawler and cruiser having been doing both since 5 months old and she's starting to walk with her push along walker. I'm finding with other children her age and older that aren't quite as confident or not moving yet she comes across as forceful as she'll go over to them and want to see what they are doing, or if they have a toy she'll want to play with it, she won't grab it out their hands but will get up close and personal with the other child. Sometimes she will try and use the other child to get herself to standing. She does this with even older children too, and it make other children not want to be around her. I obviously stop her taking the other children's toys and talk to her about it either being their toy (I always have a mix of her toys when we are out that I rotate so its not boring for her and give her one of her own when she is interested in the other children's), or explain if its a class toy that we need to wait until the other child is finished, but she always wants what the other child has and hasn't got an understanding of what I am saying to her yet. I had a friend make a comment about having to put their daughter's toy away as their child was playing with it and my daughter wanted to look at it too and it made me feel really bad and that my daughter was spoiling her child's fun.

I obviously also stop her trying to use other children to stand/climb on before it happens, and I just am always picking her up and trying to re-divert her attention all the time.

I feel like whenever we go out to any classes or socialise I'm constantly worried and I live in fear that she is going to (accidentally) hurt another child or even an adult as she can sometimes pinch and has hurt me on occasion (mainly around the chest when she is breastfeeding). And today another child fell over at the park and was crying and she started laughing which made me feel so bad although the child was a little way from us so I don't think they heard my daughter laughing at their pain. I'm worried people are going to think she is some bully, ham-handed, naughty child, when really she is a very sweet little girl that is often just wanting to socialise and explore.

Is there any way that I can teach her to be more gentle? We have two cats that she loves and we practice gentle hands with them, and with her soft toys, I take her out to the park/soft play regularly to allow her to get her energy out and let her crawl and cruise about at home.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 09/09/2022 17:49

She’s still a baby!! This is perfectly normal

Brendabigbaps · 09/09/2022 17:51

don’t project adult emotions onto a baby! She wasn’t laughing at the other child, she was just laughing

Thesearmsofmine · 09/09/2022 17:51

She is doing what babies do, 9 month olds cannot in any way shape or form come across as a bully. It will be a long while yet before she will have any understanding of this type of thing.

Winterfellismyhome · 09/09/2022 17:51

Shes only 9 months and still so little. She'll learn eventually

InDubiousBattle · 09/09/2022 17:51

She's only 9 months old, totally normal! She's just becoming a toddler, they're mainly as you describe. You mention having to be on her, picking her up, distracting her all of the time- that's what having a toddler is like!

Thesearmsofmine · 09/09/2022 17:53

My best advise would be to read up on chidk develop, it’s quite odd to think your 9 month old was laughing at the pain child who had fallen over.

DoodlePug · 09/09/2022 17:53

A 9 month old cannot be a bully, there is a motivation behind bullying which she just doesn't have.

Obviously you'll need to keep a close eye on her and correct any behaviour which is excessive. You're doing right teaching her to be gentle.

Some mums, especially with their first kid may think badly of her but they're just protective, try to forgive them, they'll understand one day.

Thesearmsofmine · 09/09/2022 17:54

My best advice would be to read up on child development*

Urghh no idea what happened in my previous post

SillyFood · 09/09/2022 17:54

Don’t be so ridiculous. She’s a baby.

TheJudgment · 09/09/2022 17:55

lol this made me laugh. She’s 9 months old! Come back in three years time if she is still doing this!

jalu47 · 09/09/2022 17:55

She's 9 months old! The concept of sharing isn't really possible until almost 2, plus they haven't got a clue about what hurts and what doesn't. It's unrealistic to think you can talk to her about it and she'll understand. Babies all develop at different stages, tell your friends to chill out.. it ridiculous they would put toys away.

SheldonesqueTheBstard · 09/09/2022 17:58

She isn’t a bully.

She is a baby.

And I would think she would no rather be laughing at another child’s misfortune than reciting Kubla Khan.

MaryHoldTheCandleSteadyWhileIShaveTheChickensLeg · 09/09/2022 18:21

Have a word with yourself OP 😂

gamerchick · 09/09/2022 18:25

Bless you OP. She's a baby and you're projecting adult stuff onto her.

Your friend was being ridiculous as well, keeping toys out of reach. Of course the bairns going to want to look at it. She's little and curious.

I'm chuckling at the explaining stuff to her though. She doesn't get stuff like that yet. Stop beating yourself up, you're doing alright.

Hugasauras · 09/09/2022 18:27

God, she sounds like a right thug ...

Seriously, it's just called being a baby. Chill out, supervise your child as you are doing, and just wait until the toddler phase comes

Tiredmum100 · 09/09/2022 18:27

I kept reading this as I thought you were on about an older child. 9 months? A baby! Honestly a 9 month old baby is not a bully.

Cinnabomb · 09/09/2022 18:33

i don’t mean to pile on @SpikeyPorcupine but it’s really not normal to think like this about a 9 month old. Do you have anxiety? I mean that kindly. Because I doubt other mums are thinking that, especially if they have older children. Maybe youre projecting a little? I’d have a think about why you’re feeling like this as otherwise you’ll be in for a real shock once she reaches toddlerhood, as most do become thugs then!

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 09/09/2022 18:36

My second child was exactly like that. We got asked to move to the toddler class of an activity we did months early because she was so mobile compared to the rest of the group. She's 4 now, not a bully and no longer uses her peers as climbing frames. She's just a baby, don't worry.

SeasonFinale · 09/09/2022 18:38

You need to stop using the word bully. Not just for 9 months old babies but for young children in general. Otherwise you are opening yourself up to all sorts of problems going forward.

RoutineLow · 09/09/2022 18:45

She is a literal baby. A baby. 9 months old.

She doesn't have the cognitive ability to be a bully. It's not possible. Being curious, reaching for things (regardless of who is holding them), grabbing, pinching, laughing; this is all very normal, very developmentally appropriate behaviour. She isn't capable of laughing at somebody's pain; she will have laughed because the sudden movement caught her eye or there was an accompanying noise that amused her. That's it. It isn't anything deeper.

Please don't label her as a bully or anything else (or allow your friends to do so). It's not right to attach labels like that to someone who is far too young to have any of those intentions.

The solution is simply to closely monitor - as you should always do with a baby - and preempt any pinching/grabbing etc before she is able to hurt another baby. That's all there is to it. As she gets older, you keep very gently correcting her and she will naturally learn how to use kind hands and share.

Rainallnight · 09/09/2022 18:52

She has been on the planet approximately 190 days. She can’t be a bully or any of the other things you’re saying.

itsgettingweird · 09/09/2022 18:56

She's a baby. Not even a toddler yet.

She is using people to get her to standing because they are there. She's use them if they were a toy box or chair leg! She has no concept of them being human and personal space.

BeanieTeen · 09/09/2022 19:00

She’s 9 months old. Just pick her up if she’s crawling and cruising over others and if she takes a toy that’s not hers take it away and put it back surely?
I do think it’s quite comical with how much sincerity you’ve been trying to explain the rights and wrongs of this to you baby. This will definitely induce a few eye rolls and is probably what’s irritating the parents more than anything rather than your baby’s behaviour. Just a ‘no’ and taking action will suffice.

megosaurusrex · 09/09/2022 19:20

DS is 15 months and will rugby tackle other children if they have toys he wants. Obviously I intervene, but I wouldn't use words like "bully" or "naughty" to describe it, especially not at that age. Think you're over-worrying!

Skinnermarink · 09/09/2022 19:27

She’s socially gregarious…. So is mine… the word ‘bully’ would never have entered into my mind! Where in earth has this notion come from?!

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