Can I manage w/ new baby + "weekend husband"?

[New2Mumming]

Hi, hoping to learn from your own experiences as my (28) husband (28) and I decide where/how to live with our first on the way.
We're currently based in London, OH works full time in the office, I'm remote.
We'd like to buy a place, can't afford anything in London, and don't want to raise a baby there.

Ideally I'd like to be close to family for the support with baby.
His parents are closer to Manchester, but OH has had no luck finding work there.
My parents are about 90 mins to London by train - too far for daily travel if you factor in door to door travel (would be over 2hrs each way).

Our current plan is OH will pay a Mon-Fri let in London and join me at my parents' on the weekends. Baby is due early November, so we'll have her there for sure and this will be our reality for the first few months.

He currently sees this working away in the week as a long term solution. It'd mean we buy something a lot cheaper than we'd hoped for, in my parents' town, so we can keep up mortgage payments + his Mon-Fri let. He keeps the job he loves, I get the support from family while he's at work.
I'm not so keen: like anyone, I want as close to a normal life as possible ie living as a family through the week.
OH has stopped looking for other jobs. His is good, but not megabucks - he's on 50k, and in these conditions I don't feel that's enough to warrant the lifestyle he's planning (london rent plus mortgage). It would be tight.
I don't want to pressure him to leave London and get a local job he'll find boring. But I don't think weekends is enough for a normal family life. I'll need a break from baby but will also miss him so much, so don't want to do separate stuff at the weekends, and I'm worried how we'll establish a good routine for kid(s), plus our relationship and his relationship with baby. I don't think it's fair to expect my parents to fill in for him when I need support and he's not there. They already have other grandchildren too.

I've read a few forums here about OHs who work away from home, both sides of the story, and I'm interested to get experienced parents' opinions on the situation.

Another option is we move to a town closer to London, but means we won't have support from family or friends at short notice if we need it. I wonder if anyone can share experience of this, if it's a big deal or not.

There's also a chance that once baby comes he'll see things differently ie prioritise his mornings and evenings with her over what job he has. Is that likely?

After maternity I'll also return to work, probably 4 days a week, so will either put baby in nursery that time or hybrid nursery/my mum depending where we live. I know it depends how the baby is, but apprehensive about possible bad nights sleep by myself with her plus working. Plus if we have a second, how I'll cope then with pregnancy , little one etc.

Thanks for reading! Would love to hear advice and wisdom. I might sound like I want everything perfect, I know that's not reasonable, but want to hear what you would prioritise here.

(In case you wondered why last minute: surprise baby and 2 house purchases fell through leaving us at this stage)

Glad it helped OP!
Before my DS was born my DH was considering a job with lots of unsocial shifts - naively we thought it might be a good idea because we wouldn’t need much childcare because one of us would be home most of the time. MN was really helpful in making me understand how hard it would be for both of us rarely cross paths and be on our own with the baby all the time.

Now I’ve had DS I know how hard it would have been but at the time I had no idea.

Don’t know what I’m wittering on about really, it’s just nice to see a thread that actually helps someone occasionally.

Maybe it would work with an older child (age 3+) but certainly a terrible idea with a baby.

My DP has resumed going on a couple of holidays a year connected to his hobby, meaning I’ve had a few weeks of solo parenting, but our DD is nearly 4 and she goes to bed at 6.45pm and predictably sleeps about 12 hours, uses the toilet, sits and eats with minimal mess, and plays quite independently now. I actually quite like it when DP goes away - I get some me-time and enjoy doing my own hobbies in the evenings and I enjoy the 1:1 time with DD. With a new baby though, your days are LONG and the nights are hard. There is no rest. You’re in the trenches and “on call” 24/7. It’s a whirlwind of sleep deprivation, quite possibly depression, mess, recovery, endless feeding and washing. You get run down and irritable. You need to manage the hard times of newborn life together - learning how to cope together. I couldn’t imagine doing that part alone all week. A sure fire way to build resentment and relationship breakdown.

we have no family anywhere nearby, have a toddler and baby and we manage fine. our support is our childminder (who we pay). my DH works 6 days a week at a local private school. I would absolutely hate the situation you're describing where I didnt see him for the week, only at weekends. it's bad enough as it is only seeing him a short while in the evening!

Just to add, I found London and amazing place to have a baby. My baby group was lovely and just about every day of the week we could message and find someone going to a group or cafe and meet up. There were baby groups everywhere, in the pub in the library in the woods, mum and baby wine tasting, baby screenings at the cinema. Shops just up the street so I could grab what’s needed, we didn’t get to the stage of needing to meal plan to make it through the week until much later. Beautiful woods and parks for walks and lunch… I was so happy to be there, it would have been very different in our house in the same city as family on the other side of the world.