Please help! 5 day old baby won’t settle at all

[Samiibaby]

Hi guys
my son is 5 days old and absolutely gorgeous however he just doesn’t settle at all during the night
I’ve been awake since I had him! he fusses and cries if I even attempt to put him in his basket
I’ve had literally no sleep apart from a hour here and there and I’m at wits end that I’m doing something wrong :(
ive tried everything to get him to settle but he’s just not having it

any advice anyone?

These early days are tough. Will baby sleep if you keep them on you just not alone, or will they not sleep at all?

@BuffaloCauliflower hes currently fussing on me I took him out his basket and placed him in my arms
he keeps flailing his arms about and moving his head from side to side really fast
I don’t know if he’s in pain or something his legs go stiff to when he’s like this
genuinely don’t know what to do I’ve changed him fed him boob and bottle and still nothing :(

Moving his head side to side and moving his arms sounds like hunger cues. You say breast and bottle, are you trying to establish breastfeeding but giving bottles as well?

It's still very very early days for you both and he is probably still adjusting. My daughter was very difficult to settle and was eventually diagnosed with reflux. For just now it is okay to lay your son next to you in his cot and you can lie next to him holding his hand. That way he is safe and you can doze safely while still soothing him. If you find yourself getting angry or distraught it is absolutely okay to go to another room and leave him warm and safe in his cot while you calm down. Tomorrow if it is possible enlist a friend or partner to help.Give them the baby to soothe between feeds, pop your ear plugs in and sleep, and let them just bring the baby to you for feeds so you can get a bit more rest. Ask for help with as much as you can so your priority is resting, and feeding the little one. Good luck, and I hope he settles soon. Xx

Does he sleep during the day? If yes then just sleep during the day. Sleep when you can, young babies don't have circadian rhythm yet.

Congratulations on your baby!

This is completely normal behaviour from the baby. They have absolutely no idea what night and day is, so to them it makes no sense why they're suddenly being removed from the safe arms of their mum, so they cry. DS was like this for about a fortnight (sorry - probably not what you want to hear!) and then would accept being in the next to me crib so I could get snippets of sleep between feeds. So I'd recommend keeping trying to put the baby down, but don't hold out much hope for a little while.

Do you have a partner who you can take shifts with holding the baby? DH and I did 3 hours or so (or until DS wanted feeding again) each on the sofa at at a time just to get through this phase with the other one getting a short bit of sleep in bed. If you're breastfeeding, working out how to feed lying down in a cuddle curl so you can doze at the same time can be an absolute life saver (but I'd recommend trying it out when you're not as utterly exhausted as you are now, and have someone else watch you nearby to start with until you've got your positioning right so you don't roll)

Congratulations again - the first few weeks (and months....) really are something else, but babies change so quickly and whilst it'll feel like it may last forever, just repeat to yourself "this too shall pass" just like every phase before it will have done, for both pregnancy and parenthood

@BuffaloCauliflower so I’m mix feeding because I don’t think I’m producing enough milk for him so I give him bottles as a top up
he last had a bottle around 1am he fell asleep for about 10 minutes and then woke up and started fussing
last night I stayed awake all night because he was asleep on my arm I didn’t move! haha
I’ve noticed too that his breathing is a little fast but he has no fever he’s just really really unsettled

I have no advice really but just wanted to give some support.

I'm currently up feeding my 12 day old son, who cried solidly for the first 7 days and nights of his life. It was awful and I actually cried to him more than once begging him to tell me what I was doing wrong! Our first son was an angel who barely knew how to cry as a newborn, so this was a total shock.

We just had to cluster feed our way through that first week and I now have a much more content baby who will sleep for a couple of hours at a time (under no illusion that this will all go out the window soon enough though!). I'm not joking when I say he fed almost constantly for 72hrs. My husband supervised me napping on the sofa whilst he fed as a way for me to get some rest in.

Keep going, you will get through this He just needs his mammy right now. I'm sorry there's nothing more helpful I can offer

@ECPCR2 thank you :) he’s absolutely gorgeous but he’s being a pain right now! haha
my partner tried his best to get him to settle to but nothing :( so I sent him to sleep on the sofa for a bit
I feel like I’m doing something wrong :( it’s making me feel really low and upset I’ve cried and cried nearly all evening because I feel like I’m falling my son
I’m so utterly exhausted and really low mood

So breastmilk is supply and demand and at this stage if you want to be establishing breastfeeding, giving bottles as well will be working against you.

It’s best not to introduce bottles or formula for 6 weeks (unless there’s a medical need) because the more baby is at the breast the more they’re telling your body to make milk. If you’re then giving a feed from a bottle instead your breasts think milk for that feed isn’t needed so makes less, your body responds to your baby.

At 5 days I’d expect to be feeding a lot around the clock to get your body to make more milk. It’s really common to think that baby needing to feed so much means you’re not producing enough, but actually they’re feeding so much to make you produce enough. If you’ve heard they should be fed every 3 or 4 hours or something, throw that out! Has anyone checked babies latch?

Can your partner bottle feed him today so you can sleep?
At least he's had some sleep , take it in turns to sleep ?

Also my son literally wouldn’t sleep separately from me, we bedshared following safe bedsharing guidance from day 2. It’s completely normal and natural for them to need to be with you to sleep (holding his hand in his cot wouldn’t have done a thing) we both got more sleep sleeping together m.

Its absolutely possible to bedshare safely, as long as parents don’t smoke or drink alcohol and the bedding is kept away/mattress isn’t too soft

www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/co-sleeping/

Mine was the same, she would feed all night and would only sleep on my chest. Set up that bed so it’s safe, pillows and duvet out the way. They are fine to sleep on your chest, just make sure you are propped up, they can’t be flat on their tummy. In the end I just started bed sharing (look up lullaby trust safe cosleeping). At that age they will be cluster feeding too so feed if they give signs. It’s normal for them to feed little and often as their tummy’s are so small.

@WildPoppy thank you for your support it’s really appreciated
his grandparents come and look after him during the day for a few hours but in that time I should be getting rest I’m up trying to do the house work and making myself feel better by having a shower and putting on clean clothes!
i keep thinking that tonight might be the night he settles but it’s a cycle!
that’s all I’ve been doing is crying! i remember the night he was born this one midwife took him away as he was unsettled and when she came back he was asleep! I want her to live with me! Haha

In the same boat with my 3 week old tonight, haven't slept a wink yet 😭 he had such a good night last night as well so I'm even more upset that tonight is going shit. Hopefully tomorrow night will be another good one. It's completely normal though for newborns to be like this, they're used to being close to us. It will get better x

Thanks guys for all your advice and support
I’ve just gave him a bottle as he was really rooting for something to eat and obviously my breasts weren’t enough! he also gets hiccups every time I bottle feed him is this normal?

You need to sleep when the grandparents come. Never mind about the housework.

Are you winding him enough? If you are bottle feeding you shouldn’t be offering the whole bottle at once - give 1/3, pause and wind then the next 1/3 etc

Hi OP,

pleased he is more settled. I couldn’t establish breastfeeding but just wanted to say there is some good advice on here.

Good luck - I do remember those first few days being tough but it will get better!

Glad he’s more settled now. Are you pace feeding the bottle with him upright? Or lying him down to feed? The second may be causing hiccups as it’s too fast. If you want to breastfeed please get support as the more bottles you give the more it’ll be working against you establishing breastfeeding. If you’re happy to formula feed instead that’s totally fine, but look up paced bottle feeding

He’s 5 days old, you shouldn’t be doing any housework! Partner/family should be doing that and all the cooking. You should be in front of the tv just feeding and recovering. A walk in the fresh air during the day so the baby knows it daytime.

@Samiibaby are you swaddling him when you put him down none of my babies slept without being swaddled in the early days

This too 100% - the more formula you feed the less your breasts will make, it’s supply and demand and the first 6 weeks are crucial to building your supply. Definitely pace feed even if you don’t want to EBF x

Update guys! After a long hard battle with the hiccups and the bottle he’s finally asleep! now comes the tricky part of getting him into the Moses basket. I tried to feed him sitting up but he’s so greedy he just wanted his milk! Haha his grandma did make a comment that she had a greedy grandson hehe his grandparents are both retired doctors so she’s coming over on Friday to show me how to bottle feed him correctly as I had a feeling i was giving him too much air
I bought some swaddles and he hated that boy oh boy did he hate that! Never again
im absolutely exhausted my eyes are red from the sleep deprivation
tommorow it’s grandads turn to look after him while I go to sleep
newborns eh! love them to death but they don’t half drive you insane lol

Hi OP, just wanted to echo what others have said that just because he keeps rooting does not mean you are not making enough milk. He is cluster feeding to up your supply, and they do do this at night a lot in the first few days. I know it is super hard, and it's up to you whether you want to continue, but please don't think that him rooting a lot means you're not producing enough. It is obviously possible that you have low supply, but don't assume it from this behaviour as it's normal. And the more bottles you give the less likely it is that your supply will establish. His tummy is the size of a marble, you don't need to produce much!

To settle him better you could try heating up the mattress before you put him down. Also try putting him down on his side first as they usually settle better that way, then you can try to tip him onto his back after that. If all else fails look up cosleepy on Instagram for how to sleep as safely as possible with the baby on your chest.