15-months and not sleeping through the night - at wits end!

[jazzibelle]

As the headline says, I have a 15-month old and he does not sleep through the night, and never has. There has been the odd one or two nights here and there, but generally speaking this boy will be up for at least an hour every night.

He usually wakes around 8am, has a 1.5-2 hour nap around 1/2, and goes to bed around 8:30pm. He eats three meals a day, with a snack after his nap. He drinks water during the day with milk in the morning and before bed. He’s on follow-on milk as I cannot get him to drink cow’s milk - he hates it.

No matter what we do with him, he is awake around 2-3am and doesn’t got back down until
around 5am. We’re exhausted and out of ideas.

We’ve tried night-lights, phantom feeding, increasing his calorie intake, snacks before bed, pyjamas, no pyjamas, baby duvet, blanket, co-sleeping etc. NOTHING IS WORKING 🤯

It’s not sleep regression, it’s all the time! Plus he has all his teeth now and he’s walking. Even on the days we do activities (like swimming) he wakes.

Any advice on what I can do to get this kid to sleep, I will be forever in your debt!

I’m at my wits end and need sleep 😩

Ohh no, that sounds rough. If it’s not a phase, I wonder if it’s maybe he needs a shorter nap in the day, or a later bedtime?

What do you do when he's awake? Do you leave him or sit with him? Do you have white noise/lullaby machine something like that?

Sorry not really any advice as I’m in the same boat with an 18month old, it’s so normal though! Sleep is linear up until around 2! Nothing your doing wrong!

@GentleparentJ sometimes he has a later bedtime, and we think “‘maybe he’ll sleep through” but he doesn’t 😩

@Topjoe19 you mean when he wakes at night? We usually change him, milk him, sometimes give him a snack if it seems he’s hungry. Usually we just sit quietly with him until he falls asleep. Most nights he is wide awake though and wants to run around. We’ve let him do that too at times, thinking it will tire him out but if anything it makes it worse. We have also left him in his cot with a night light on, night light off, lullaby on, lullaby off. He just either sits there for ages in the corner of his cot, or he’s jumping up and down in his bed.

He’s never been one for white noise and seems immune to most tactics.

Any suggestions from you both we’ll take them 🤯

@Preg19 you think around two he might just sleep through? At this stage my bracing myself for never being able to sleep again 😫

If it was a quick wake and back to sleep I can handle that, but he’s up for at least two hours.

As a baby all my parent friends would advise to just give him milk and when he’s milk drunk put him down. He never get milk drunk though, it’s as though his natural instinct is to just do the opposite.

Hope you’re hanging in there!

I found the gentle sleep book a good source of info and reassurance with my youngest, might be worth looking into

Sorry that sounds awful 😞 yes my eldest slept through from 2 1/2 without anything different

Sorry but my son didn't sleep through consistently until he was 3. Hang on in there!

It’s so hard isn’t it sorry I can’t offer anything more

We just found out we’re having #2 so I guess the sleepless nights are a given again. But my gosh, what I wouldn’t give for just a solid block of 8 hours

@Preg19 i’ll check out Amazon now for that book, thank you 🙏

Have you tried the thing where you pre empt it? Basically wake him gently before he’d wake on his own, then settle him back to sleep. You’d have to set an alarm for like 1.45am which I know sounds painful but my friend did it and said it worked wonderfully!

If he isn't crying, i would leave him in his room, i wouldn't go in. I definitely wouldn't be giving him any milk, or really any interaction at that time, its night time, he needs to pearn it is boring and he needs to go back to sleep. Maybe some water at a push, but essentially tuck back in anf leave the room again

It sounds like this is a habit now. He does his nights in two parts, and eats and plays in between.

Two of my DCs tried this trick, but we put a stop to it pretty quickly but just not giving in.

Throughout the day (probably for a few days, to be honest, this won’t be an immediate fix), you tell your DC repeatedly “night time is for sleeping, not for eating or playing. If you wake up in the night, you can snuggle with your teddy and sing him a few songs, but you’re not going to get out of bed, ok?” … and then at night, you stick to your guns.

I know some parents who close the door and don’t go back in until morning, with this approach. It works! Personally, I didn’t have the stomach for that. DH or I would go in every 10-15 minutes when the baby was upset, and explain that we love him but it’s sleeping time now, and then leave again.

It’s hard to hear a toddler cry, but in this case you know it’s because they’re angry about not getting their way, not because they’re in any trouble or feel unloved.

Usually with my DCs sleep sorted itself out in 2-4 nights using this approach. It’s a couple of unpleasant hours but it’s soooooo worth it. My DCs (5, 3, 15 months) have now slept through 8pm-7am pretty reliably for several months, bar the odd nightmare, illness, etc.

We had this for months and months and nothing worked until it gradually just changed. At 25 months she still doesn't sleep through (unless I'm sleeping next to her) but at least the wake ups are mostly short.

I think some kids are just wired this way. It's bloody hard! My eldest started sleeping through when she turned 3 and I'm hoping my 2yo does the same. Tried loads of things with eldest and a few things with youngest but only thing that helped us was time.

Ahh okay, if you haven’t already, it might be worth shortening his nap? Sounds like when mine was getting too much sleep overall.

How long has it been happening for? They go through so much at that age, learning language for example.

And for those that have said let them settle themselves - they do need us to keep responding, they can’t self soothe at that age - their brain isn’t developed enough. If you don’t they just learn you won’t come if they cry out, I find that very sad. One of the midwives in the early days said to me, if you would respond in the day why wouldn’t you at night? They aren’t manipulative, just something isn’t right for them at that point. It will pass, like others have said, sleep isn’t linear - you will get there, hope it is soon.

Same.

I’ve just remembered a diagram I’ve found useful for sleep needed per age group - it sounds like could be too much sleep overall… 14 hours is the maximum for a child 1-2 years. (Sleep foundation diagram)

My eldest was like that - just started sleeping through at 20 months having not changed anything.

Sorry it’s not much help but hang in there - sleep is coming

My second is a much ‘better’ sleeper - in that he sleeps longer chunks and settles more quickly, but it’s totally normal for a 15 month old I’m afraid!

My DC went through a similar thing but at a younger age, capping their daytime sleep was the only thing that worked (I'd try amd earlier get up time possibly too)

It sounds like he’s getting enough total sleep, it’s just not at the time you want it? (Assuming he isn’t tired and grizzly in the day)

8am feels really late for a toddler to be getting up (in our house 6:30 is a lie in)

could you try waking him at a set time each morning and then he won’t have all this energy to burn in the middle of the night? Over a few days that might help reset him a bit?

My DD started sleeping through about 20 months. For us this coincided with DH becoming responsible for all night wakes (I was pregnant and the preferred parent.) We figured she couldn’t be bothered to wake up if it was only daddy which sounds really harsh as she does love him but has always been more mummy focused. Either that or it’s a complete coincidence and she would have done it then anyway.

It sounds like habit, I would lay him back down with covers and say quietly it’s sleepy time now and then leave. If he isn’t upset I would leave him to it at that point, no food or getting out of bed, I can’t imagine he needs changing in the night either?

That's normal OP.
4 years here and the same.

Does he need changing? I wouldn't do anything unless completely necessary, no milk, definitely no getting up, no interaction other than just soothing & quietly saying go to sleep, sleep time now if he cries. If he's not crying just leave him to it. A little sip of water if you think he's thirsty. Just stay really boring!

I did this with my horrendous sleeper DD at 15 month old. She still wakes at night now but it's more manageable.

Sorry just got to ask this - if you’re crying at night because you are upset about something and someone just said sleep time now, does that work for you? Wouldn’t for me. I would find it incredibly disrespectful and unhelpful.

Clearly there is a reason the baby doesn’t want to sleep. (IMO too much overall sleep). Let’s not forget, we are parents with just as much responsibility to parent overnight as in the daytime. Crying is communication!