8.5 month old not attempting to move, very worried

[etoilenoire]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here, but as I'm driving my husband crazy needed to find a place to voice my concerns and see if any other parents have experience with this, and if it turned out ok. I have seen a few threads similar to this in the past, but usually people never came back with an update.
Had my daughter 2 weeks early-people say this is full term and while technically it is, I still think those 2 weeks make a difference in development. My sister had her third baby 12 days before me, and my friend had her baby a day after my daughter was born. I share this because I have two babies that unfortunately I am directly comparing my daughter to since they are same age. My friend is posting all these instagram posts of her daughter able to get into sitting on her own about a month ago, now crawling and pulling to stand. My sister is sharing photos of her son attempting to crawl, also pulling to stand. My baby? Nowhere near any of this.
I know comparison is thief of joy, but she is my only child and I have nothing else to go on. I'm a physician and terrified of what could be. She can sit on her own without falling for almost 45 mins straight. Reaches for toys, makes eye contact, smiles, responds to her name, coos, squeals, laughs, blows raspberries, sometimes makes consonant sounds and a few times has said mama, gaga, etc. Has a pincer grasp, can inconsistently feed herself finger foods, switch toys between hands, bang toys together. I know however that she is now becoming borderline behind on communication because she is not stringing many consonants together or babbling much, and she is very delayed on gross motor. She can roll, but refuses to. She does not bum shuffle. She does not army crawl, she does not transition from sitting to tummy time, cannot get on hands and knees, does not bother reaching for toys if she figures out they are out of reach, cannot put herself into sitting. I have reached out to her doctor and they placed neurology referral for end of this month, and early intervention came out this week to evaluate her (I'm in the US). She scored ok in most categories, and above average on fine motor, but is scoring at 5 months for gross motor. I'm just mad at myself, feel like I've failed her in some way. Afraid she will never walk or there is something wrong with her that won't be able to be helped. I struggled with infertility and miscarriages, so now just feeling really sad that I can't enjoy my baby and honestly jealous of others who have multiple children that are all just fine. I know that part is horrible of me.
I just feel lost- and I am in therapy for post partum anxiety/depression. I haven't been a fan of the newborn stage and was looking forward to toddler years, and now with these delays worried that we may be in for a different experience than the other parents that we know. Our families are also across the country, so we have no help. We both work full time, and can't get daycare. Husband is taking care of her during day while he works from home. Thank you to anyone who has read this wall of text.

My daughter is 29. She sat on her backside until 11 months then crawled then walked..with talking she had no words until 2 yrs 3 months when she came out in sentences. She got a law degree this year. Sounds like your little one is fine x

I'd say that's completely normal! My son was like a big fat Buddha at 8.5 months

And he only started crawling at 10 months.. walking at 18 months

His brother did start earlier. Honestly relax enjoy it,not all kids are the same .

Kids are now 18 and 10 and thriving, fit and healthy.

DC1 - did not even attempt to roll over until he was 7mo. Didn't attempt to crawl until 10mo. Didn't take his first steps until 18mo. He's now 6 and top of his class and very active. DC2 rolled early but didn't sit unaided until he was 8mo. Didn't crawl until he was 10mo and now is a very active almost 1yo. I know it's hard but try not to worry, I'm sure she is just going at her own pace

Seriously don’t worry! They all catch up to the same point (I’ve worked with children for 20+ years). My son didn’t start making any attempt to crawl until at least 10 months, wasn’t walking until 13 months. They all develop in their own way, at their own pace.

Oh I so understand where your worry comes from - my son was a really late crawler (11.5 months), and at 8.5 months was just a little potato, not bum shuffling, rolling or anything. I was comparing him with friends' babies, who were on the move much earlier, but he really did do it in his own time. The milestone that NHS use is 12 months for moving, in any way, so 8.5 months is really nothing to worry about yet!

It could be worth looking up the Ages and Stages questionnaire that the health visitors use for her age - you're looking to be able to tick 3/6 items in each section

My kids are 9 and 7. Neither sit still and are always running around. Neither of them showed any interest in rolling until about 11 months. Neither crawled until a year old. Neither walked until 18 months old.

Your child is well within the 'normal' time frame for walking and crawling.

Well, it was a while back because she’s 8 now but my DD1 at that stage was quite content to sit among a pile of toys on the floor. When she wanted to move or get something out of reach she yelled for her servants (me and DH).

Never crawled, never bum shuffled, could roll but never used it to get around, hated tummy time.

I can’t remember when she started pulling to stand but I feel like it was closer to 10 months. She walked at 13 months though so it didn’t hold her back and she never looked back after that!

I got a land when my second came and was a crawler. I needed eyes in the back of my head. The crawler, however, was not a talker and I was worried about her language development. But I later realised it was because her older sister was her spokesperson and never let anyone else get a word in edgeways!

Not to minimise your concern because clearly I’m just a randomer on the internet but there really is such variation. I felt just like you about my second with the talking. We visited a little kid the same age as her at one point and while my DD was saying “Mama” and using “Ba” for literally everything else, the other little kiddo was stringing sentences together “Dolly sit here” etc. I wasn’t on social media however so I could thankfully deal with it by not going around there again for a while!

All came good in the end so just wait and see how the checks go for her and, in the nicest way because it’s not your fault you’re being bombarded by other people’s babies, but maybe take a break from looking at anyone else’s baby updates for a bit. Your DD sounds fab. Best of luck xx

My boy is 14 months. Didn't crawl until 11 months, pulled to stand at 11.5 and still isn't walking. His gross motor skills have always been slower than his language and understanding, fine motor skills. And you know what that's ok....I'm not at all worried about him. He will get there in his own time. Try not to panic she's still only little!

Your concerns are very likely unfounded but I would suggest a chat with either the HV or GP. Then you will know you checked.

I love this 👏

my daughter was “slower” than other babies her age and very different to my first born but then all of a sudden she hit a whole group of milestones all at once. She wasn’t even sitting up properly on her own until about 7 months, crawled at 11 months and walked at 14 months.

babies like to do things at their own pace and of course your lifestyle may mean the baby excels quicker in some areas than others (does that make sense?)

my baby didn’t bum shuffle, wouldn’t (and still won’t) feed her self, prefers me to give her her cup then doing it herself etc… she can do all those things but I have come to realise she’s actually very lazy and bossy 😆 xx

I'm a grandma to 8 children. This is anecdotal, but also observational: 'normal' second and later babies tend to do things earlier than their 'normal' elder siblings, because they have a role model: they watch and learn and try things. Flip this, and it becomes first-borns do not feel the need to move about because grown-ups do things for them.
Try not to fret, and enjiy your daughter while she's little and you know where she is. It won't always be the case. (We looked after a granddaughter who could be guaranteed to stay sitting on her bottom long enough for me to go to the loo, even after her first birthday. She is now nearly 7, a keen gymnast and excellent reader. )

All sounds completely normal. At 8 months my DD couldn't do anything. I was happy that she stayed where I left her

She never really did crawl, just got up and walked when she was about 18 months.

Try not to compare your baby with others. They all do things in their own time.

My eldest didn’t move until she was about 1. She could sit beautifully, but didn’t roll, crawl or anything else. She did then crawl a bit and at 14 months started walking (which she did really well).

She didn’t babble or talk much until she was over 2. My health visitor didn’t overly worry because she did understand what I was saying to her. When she did talk, she just started talking more or less normally.

It was as though she wasn’t going to go through all the hassle of trying until she knew she could do it!!

She’s in her 20s now - no issues.

My daughter didn't crawl until a week before her first birthday, and didn't walk til 16 months (she hasn't been still ever since 😂) She has always been the same in that she takes a while to start doing things but once she starts she masters it very quickly, so maybe your daughter will be the same :)

I do understand it's hard not to compare your child to others, but he mindful of photos and videos because they show such a tiny snippet of what's going on, and your daughter does sounds like she is doing a lot already she will be fine OP, enjoy her 💐

She sounds fine! My 8month old just lies around and rolls, no sign of crawling yet (or sitting/pulling up) and I’m not worried at all.

my first crawled at 10months and walked at 15 months.

my second crawled at 12months and walked at 18months (she could have done it earlier but she was lazy).

both of those two now never stop talking or running now. My third will crawl and walk when she’s ready to. You haven’t failed your daughter at all, but you will if you start comparing her to every other baby.

I have a just turned 8 month old and this sounds perfectly normal to me? DS can sit, babbles, has a good pincer grip etc, can pull up if we hold his hands but isn't crawling and definitely can't get into sitting by himself. My eldest was the same, no crawling until he was 10 months. Babies all do things at different times but they'll all get there eventually.

I have a niece who sat on her bottom and didn’t even attempt to crawl until she was 18 months and a nephew who was 2 before he could walk. My daughter was walking at 9 months but she didn’t get a tooth until she was 16 months!
There really is a huge variation in normal. Try not to worry, she’ll be fine.

Don't worry at all!!! She sounds like a chilled out baby! Enjoy these moments!

Okay, breathe 😅

i found that exact period of time was the point in which I became really paranoid too. I was almost self conscious feeling at baby classes when people would repeatedly ask if he was crawling and I’d have to make up some story about he sometimes army crawls or something just to make myself feel better. He did army crawl and then proper crawl eventually. He’s just had his first birthday and I felt such a pressure before it with people asking ‘IS HE WALKING?!’ every time I mentioned him to anyone 🙄 I always think what a snidey question to ask. It’s a yes or no answer so you’re putting someone in a position of either getting to boast or making them feel shit. Why ask?! Just say aww I like his shirt or something instead!

I feel like the pressure really died down since his birthday. No one really cares that he isn’t walking now. I did get asked at a class the other day and did the ‘oh kind of, he took a step the other day but just fell after it’ 😂 like it was somehow hilarious. No he didn’t, he refuses to take a step!

I’m a teacher and wee Jimmy who walked first might get more answers wrong in his maths test than Sam who took an extra few months to walk. Who cares! It makes absolutely no difference to the rest of their life. Maybe take a break from seeing them so much if you need to or go to classes with other babies where I guarantee they won’t all be doing everything

My second DD was behind on gross motor skills at 12 months and she is incredible now. Intelligent, a fantastic dancer, amazing co-ordination, very sporty. More so than her older sister who scored higher on gross motor skills!

Please don't over think things; your daughter will move when she wants to - everything else you describe in your post sounds totally normal.

She sounds really normal, honestly, try to stop worrying and definitely stop comparing to your friends and guidance on the internet! Sure if she was 1 and doing this you might start to question things but even then it's probably within the realms of normal. Lots of babies don't really get moving until nearing 12 months. You just happen to be surrounded by some keen beans! Try to relax and enjoy what she can do. Once she is moving you'll wish she wasn't!

Dd1 crawled at 11 months and was pressured into walking at 17 months, honestly I never thought she'd walk. She's now 5 and is fine physically just rather lazy and would rather be waited on hand and foot. First babies know they'll just get carried round, loads of babies aren't walking by 1 etc x

My eldest didn't crawl at all until 11 months and she now plays for two football teams and is a fantastic gymnast. My middle daughter had a speech delay until she was 2.5 and now speaks loads of Spanish and can recite full books and poems. I really think your baby is absolutely fine, but I sympathise because anxiety is so so hard. Hope you can get some help not to worry so much about it

DS seemed so far behind at 1 year. Didn’t move, didn’t talk, didn’t do much other than sit there and cry with frustration. He didn’t score well on the ASQ questionnaire the health visitors send out as part of the 1 year check.

He just ‘got it’ at about 14 months and, over the space of 6 or so weeks, he started crawling, walking, running, climbing and talking. At 2, he’s now bang on average for all motor development and streaks ahead of what is expected with regards to speech and social skills.

I know it’s hard because I was beside myself, but please don’t compare your DC to others - they really, really do things in their own time.

Reaches for toys, makes eye contact, smiles, responds to her name, coos, squeals, laughs, blows raspberries, sometimes makes consonant sounds and a few times has said mama, gaga, etc

Sounds perfect
Enjoy her
Have her reviewed if you want reassurance or eferral for physiio to ask about what you can do to encourage gross motor skills