8.5 month old not attempting to move, very worried

[etoilenoire]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here, but as I'm driving my husband crazy needed to find a place to voice my concerns and see if any other parents have experience with this, and if it turned out ok. I have seen a few threads similar to this in the past, but usually people never came back with an update.
Had my daughter 2 weeks early-people say this is full term and while technically it is, I still think those 2 weeks make a difference in development. My sister had her third baby 12 days before me, and my friend had her baby a day after my daughter was born. I share this because I have two babies that unfortunately I am directly comparing my daughter to since they are same age. My friend is posting all these instagram posts of her daughter able to get into sitting on her own about a month ago, now crawling and pulling to stand. My sister is sharing photos of her son attempting to crawl, also pulling to stand. My baby? Nowhere near any of this.
I know comparison is thief of joy, but she is my only child and I have nothing else to go on. I'm a physician and terrified of what could be. She can sit on her own without falling for almost 45 mins straight. Reaches for toys, makes eye contact, smiles, responds to her name, coos, squeals, laughs, blows raspberries, sometimes makes consonant sounds and a few times has said mama, gaga, etc. Has a pincer grasp, can inconsistently feed herself finger foods, switch toys between hands, bang toys together. I know however that she is now becoming borderline behind on communication because she is not stringing many consonants together or babbling much, and she is very delayed on gross motor. She can roll, but refuses to. She does not bum shuffle. She does not army crawl, she does not transition from sitting to tummy time, cannot get on hands and knees, does not bother reaching for toys if she figures out they are out of reach, cannot put herself into sitting. I have reached out to her doctor and they placed neurology referral for end of this month, and early intervention came out this week to evaluate her (I'm in the US). She scored ok in most categories, and above average on fine motor, but is scoring at 5 months for gross motor. I'm just mad at myself, feel like I've failed her in some way. Afraid she will never walk or there is something wrong with her that won't be able to be helped. I struggled with infertility and miscarriages, so now just feeling really sad that I can't enjoy my baby and honestly jealous of others who have multiple children that are all just fine. I know that part is horrible of me.
I just feel lost- and I am in therapy for post partum anxiety/depression. I haven't been a fan of the newborn stage and was looking forward to toddler years, and now with these delays worried that we may be in for a different experience than the other parents that we know. Our families are also across the country, so we have no help. We both work full time, and can't get daycare. Husband is taking care of her during day while he works from home. Thank you to anyone who has read this wall of text.

Neither of mine crawled until 11 months. They didn't walk until 16 and 17 months. They are 5 and 3 now and perfectly on track with their development.

My eldest didn't sit until 7 months. Youngest sat at 5 months and then just literally sat there until 11 months old.

Have a search for the Bluey episode Baby Race ... it will help

I think like you said yourself, you’re comparing babies of similar age and while this is natural you must bear in mind that there’s huge variations in ‘normal’
you also need to remember that once you have a child there’s always something to worry about!!!
your child sounds like she’s perfectly content to not move as much as her peers, this is a good thing! As long as she’s happy! I’m sure she will get moving in her own time.

My Ds age 4 told his new headteacher that he makes up his own rules - and he’s set his own path in life - sounds like your dd will be the same - it makes for a worrying and interesting parenting life!

Leaving aside her gross motor skills - which will probably be fine - being cared for every day by an adult who is working is less than fine.

What is the deal with that? When are you putting proper childcare in place?

My son could sit at 7 months but not get himself to sitting yet, can't remember when that happened. He didn't crawl till 12 months and he only did that so he could get to a sofa to pull up, he walked 2 weeks later. I was worried too but I really shouldn't have been. He was very quick to talk, read and write so I think he just chose to sit and listen and take it all in. My daughter crawled much earlier than him but was a later talker. They all.do things in a slightly different order.

We have had her on daycare waitlist since she was born, in US where we live most of the daycares all have months long waiting lists. The one we have her on
has been very shady, not telling us where she is on list. So I am moving on and have placed several calls to try and get her on other lists, or to help me find any one with an opening. I have also reached out to groups looking for a personal nanny if we cannot get her into daycare. Family all lives over 2000 miles away. Definitely know it is a problem, and trying to remedy it.

Thank you everyone for taking time to read and respond, it really has made me feel better about things hearing from those who had babies who were later with moving. I'm definitely going to be avoiding social media for a bit, although won't be able to avoid family members sending pics of their littles. I just have not been around many babies in my life, so only have "milestones" to go by and when she was getting so far behind on the motor category it really has started to frighten me. I will try to focus on that we are getting her help if she needs it, and if later on she catches up then it won't have hurt anything.

It's hard with a first baby. By the time I had my second I wasn't expecting any early movement.

In fact, at her 12 month review she scored top marks on everything but gross motorskills. Like she seriously scored practically zero on that bit. She knew what was going on though. She'd understood everything the health visitor had said. At the end the health visitor asked us if we had any other concerns and my daughter looked her dead in the eye and shook her head. She crawled the next day lol.

Comparison is the thief of joy and your anxiety sounds completely unnecessary, my dd didn't move until she was 11 months when she started to crawl and then two weeks later she pulled herself up and started to walk.

Your dd sounds lovely and completely normal.

My amazing teen daughter (3rd child) didn't even roll over until she was 10 months. She just used to lie there staring at things, smiling. HV was totally paranoid.
She's amazing. Clever, funny, strong, gorgeous. She was just happy lying there.

Please try not to worry.

I am never convinced that you can take care of a young child properly while WFH. They need far more interaction and stimulation than is realistically possible if the adult is working. I suggest you find a different childcare arrangement.

My DD at 8.5 months was very similar to yours. She sat and played with toys. Didn’t move at all until 10.5 months. Walked at 15 months.

Is now nearly 17 and is completely fine.

Her older brother did crawl about 8.5 months and pulled himself up and cruised round about 9 months. Also walked at 15 months.

One of my children could walk properly at 8 months and talked in sentences by 18 months. Another stumbled around at 17 months & was speaking quite poorly at 4 when they started school. The latter is now the brightest, most academic, of my children & the former very average past those early milestones.
Your baby sounds very normal to me.

Both my nieces and half the babies in my NCT group were best described as potatoes until about 1. They just lay or sat there, playing with toys. I was very jealous.

Oi @Rainallnight in the states you dont get 6 months or even near 1 year of maternity leave so won't your neck in!!
Jesus Christ there's always one dick

DD1 was a jolly little potato. Didn't even roll till about nine months. Loved to sit though and was an early sitter. She started crawling at about 11 months and then walked at 14 months. She's 3.5 now and a lively, active little girl. Embrace it because once they start moving, life gets a lot harder. I don't know why anyone would boast about an early mover - I'm hoping DD2 will take after her sister!

I think you know too much. Lots of us don't know all the things baby could/should be doing well enough to torture ourselves if our babies are below the average. That's not very helpful but I think you're over thinking and I'm concerned you'll make yourself unwell and fret rather than be as responsive as you can be. If there's any way to let go, grab it. Your baby does not sound unusual.

My eldest didnt crawl until the day after her first birthday, and didnt take a step until she was over 15 months. She is now a super fit, intelligent, successful 30 year old. My other 4 didn't crawl at all, and they all walked even later than her. Your little one sounds absolutely fine to me.

Thank you onmywayamarillo. Obviously I know having my husband WFH watching her is not ideal. I had 4 months of maternity leave, and my work colleagues were all side eyeing me for taking that. The US wants women to have babies, and provides no infrastructure to care for them. I have 5,000 USD sitting in a dependent spending account to use for daycare- cannot get my daughter into daycare. They are full within 20 miles radius- I have been calling between work for the past few weeks, most don't answer or respond with "give us 200 to go on a waitlist, which is about a year out". I got on a waitlist before she was born- that daycare took my deposit money and refuses to give me a straight answer on where she is on waitlist. I am in a major US city and Covid decimated the workforce in many sectors, especially the service industry. I have beat myself up over this countless times, but it doesn't help. My parents have passed away, I have one grandfather across the country, and my husbands parents are also cross country and elderly- so no family to help out. I am open to hiring a nanny, but also need to vet them thoroughly and I'm doing this search between working full time myself.

You are spot on. I know too much and know that it contributes to my worry. I am in therapy and am learning techniques to try and acknowledge my fear, but not let it consume me.

Yep my baby is a little mashed potato, loves sitting though. It is odd- everyone emphasizes gross motor here unless of course the baby is saying "mama". My sister in law also has a baby, 11 months old and she also is constantly sharing photos of the motor milestones- crawling, walking, standing, etc. I guess because the motor stuff is easy to get excited over and show video of? I don't know. It's a weird flex and I'm going to try and look at it from the perspective that I'm not chasing a baby around just yet.

My first didn't move until they crawled at 12 months and walked at 15 months but within a month could run down a hill with head turned backwards sort of gabbling to me. 2nd could drag themselves across the floor at 2.5 months, walked at 10 months but was never as stable as the first months later. Oh and the first was actually a prem baby. They really are all different. I'm not going to say there's no chance there's anything wrong because there's always that possibility but there's a very good chance that time is what's needed.

Sounds like a typical lazy baby to me! If you didn’t have the other two to compare to would you be worried? It sounds like she’s doing really well. My 16 month old cannot really put two syllables together yet and has no words and I’m not worried in the slightest if that helps. Go by instinct and not by comparison (easier said than done I know!). She’ll be up and running before you know it.

Like so many posters here, I've been there. My son sat like a fat Buddha until he was almost one, then reluctantly bum-shuffled occasionally but mostly preferred to stretch his arms up and yell to be moved. At 17 months he couldn't yet walk and only had nine words. His cousin of the same age was talking in fluent sentences. I wondered whether I had a baby who'd always find speech and co ordination difficult.
Within a couple of years he was a football-playing, talkative, totally normal little boy.

It doesn't sound to me as if you have anything to worry about on that account, but I'm sorry that your childcare situation is so difficult. All the evidence is that babies do respond very well to lots of attention. Could you try a compromise? Perhaps finding some kindly person to come in for say four hours a day, so that your husband who's WFH could keep an occasional eye on how they're interacting? That's less demanding than having to search for a nanny who'd have sole care and therefore much more freedom and responsibility?

former us daycare teacher of babies: they will do what they want when they want! She will get there in her own time. If your worrying, look up ages and stages and the age she is. It gives you a common checklist often used by daycares and doctors.

@etoilenoire - could you perhaps organize an appointment with a paediatric physio? My DD had been doing sit-up type movements (she had rippling abs for a baby!) but at the expense of her back muscles. Sometimes it’s as simple as your baby needing to strengthen some muscle groups. Also, if the physio doesn’t find anything but is concerned, maybe they can communicate with a paediatrician and get you moved up the waiting list.