8.5 month old not attempting to move, very worried

[etoilenoire]

Hi everyone,
I'm new here, but as I'm driving my husband crazy needed to find a place to voice my concerns and see if any other parents have experience with this, and if it turned out ok. I have seen a few threads similar to this in the past, but usually people never came back with an update.
Had my daughter 2 weeks early-people say this is full term and while technically it is, I still think those 2 weeks make a difference in development. My sister had her third baby 12 days before me, and my friend had her baby a day after my daughter was born. I share this because I have two babies that unfortunately I am directly comparing my daughter to since they are same age. My friend is posting all these instagram posts of her daughter able to get into sitting on her own about a month ago, now crawling and pulling to stand. My sister is sharing photos of her son attempting to crawl, also pulling to stand. My baby? Nowhere near any of this.
I know comparison is thief of joy, but she is my only child and I have nothing else to go on. I'm a physician and terrified of what could be. She can sit on her own without falling for almost 45 mins straight. Reaches for toys, makes eye contact, smiles, responds to her name, coos, squeals, laughs, blows raspberries, sometimes makes consonant sounds and a few times has said mama, gaga, etc. Has a pincer grasp, can inconsistently feed herself finger foods, switch toys between hands, bang toys together. I know however that she is now becoming borderline behind on communication because she is not stringing many consonants together or babbling much, and she is very delayed on gross motor. She can roll, but refuses to. She does not bum shuffle. She does not army crawl, she does not transition from sitting to tummy time, cannot get on hands and knees, does not bother reaching for toys if she figures out they are out of reach, cannot put herself into sitting. I have reached out to her doctor and they placed neurology referral for end of this month, and early intervention came out this week to evaluate her (I'm in the US). She scored ok in most categories, and above average on fine motor, but is scoring at 5 months for gross motor. I'm just mad at myself, feel like I've failed her in some way. Afraid she will never walk or there is something wrong with her that won't be able to be helped. I struggled with infertility and miscarriages, so now just feeling really sad that I can't enjoy my baby and honestly jealous of others who have multiple children that are all just fine. I know that part is horrible of me.
I just feel lost- and I am in therapy for post partum anxiety/depression. I haven't been a fan of the newborn stage and was looking forward to toddler years, and now with these delays worried that we may be in for a different experience than the other parents that we know. Our families are also across the country, so we have no help. We both work full time, and can't get daycare. Husband is taking care of her during day while he works from home. Thank you to anyone who has read this wall of text.

Oh, just wanted to say that while DD did not love her exercises (extra tummy time, etc), it resolved very quickly, but she was 15 months old at the time. She was an early talker… (said “I feel sad” to the GP when she had shots at 12month) Her twin brother had been an early walker (and climber) and looked like he had been beaten up until his body caught up with his head size. He was on top of the dining table at 9.5 months, but had no interest in conversation until he was nearly 3. (He had occasional words, but preferred pointing and babbling.)

My DS (second child) was a total Buddha baby 🥰 He did not budge until 11 months, then started crawling. Pulled himself up to stand at 15 months, finally walked at 17 months.

With my DD (first child) she was the last of all my mum friends kids to move and it really stressed me out because I was doing exactly like you OP and comparing her to all of the other babies. She turned out to be a bumshuffler and walked eventually at 18 months.

I would be concerned if your DC was not sitting up by now but you have said that he can which is great 🙂

I’d advise you to get on with hiring a nanny pronto, @etoilenoire. I’m assuming she’s not getting tons of stimulation or opportunities for movement while your DH is working, which can’t be helping with her gross motor skills.

My daughter NEVER crawled. I would set activities up for her to try and tempt her to move, nah. Not interested,

She went straight to walking!

Keep trying OP - give her opportunities to move around, trunk rotation, pull herself up etc. She will get there!

You must be strict with yourself and try to relax about this, OP. Your daughter sounds perfect. How can she have scored as 5 months on a gross motor test when she can sit for 45 minutes? I don’t think many five month olds can do that…

My son will be one this weekend and only started crawling about ten days ago. At exactly the same time as starting crawling he has also worked out how to get into a sitting position from lying down and vice versa, I assume because he is now motivated to do so. He has certainly been slower to do these things than many babies I know (and I am also surrounded by siblings with babies, so I understand the awkwardness of comparison) but I know that the range of normal is huge, as I think you must surely know too, deep down! Please do NOT obsess over this to the detriment of being present for and happy with your baby. Be confident that she will get there in her own time and exude that confidence for yourself but also crucially for her.

Have a look at milestones and motherhood on instagram, she's a (US) paediatric PT with lots of great tips if you think LO needs a hand.

I think crawling is usually an 8-10 month milestone (?) so loads of time yet! DS had about a week where he suddenly learned to crawl/get in and out of sitting/pull to stand and cruise all at once at about 9 months. Your little one sounds like she's doing great!

Was going to suggest this Instagram account, too.

I was going to add my anecdata.

My eldest was about 11 months when she crawled - was happy surrounded by toys, then walked about 13/14months

Youngest was like a baby chimp you see in the zoo - crawled at 7 months, climbed on everything and anything by 10 months and walked properly before her 1st birthday. I think she had fear of missing out and just wanted to keep up with her older sibling - like PPs said, the 2nd has a role model to copy.

Babies are different, an average for milestones is just that - and to have an average, you also need some that are younger and some older to hit those milestones.

I think with the first, we worry and are willing them the crawl / walk - for the 2nd, I needed eyes in the back of my head at a much younger age than the older one!

But speak to your HV and hopefully they will put your mind at rest.

Dd didn’t move at all until about 10 months when she bottom shuffled. Didn’t crawl until 14 or 15 months. Didn’t walk until nearly 18 months.

Is now the U12 National Champion for her main sport.

I occasionally have moments where I look at photos from her baby / toddler years and see her sitting there like a big potato and wonder whether there was an alien switch!

Re:- childcare - until you manage to get a daycare place or a nanny, could you hire a local teen to come round for a couple of hours sometimes after school and play with her? Your husband will be in the house so no need to worry so much about vetting etc.

Friend of mines didn't crawl till a year and walked at nearer 18 months. Really not something to worry about some perfect other skills first.

I think your title is a bit misleading. It makes it sound as though your daughter literally doesn't move when actually she does literally everything she is meant to do but just doesn't crawl yet. Honestly please try and let go of the comparison and the anxiety. Your daughter is totally NORMAL! Don't let your anxiety about this spoil your lovely time with your baby.

Two DCs, one walking at 10 months the other sliding backwards until 18 months and then got up and walked perfectly

My first one walked at 7.5 months. My last one went from crawling to standing to walking all within a three week period at about 14 months. I was very worried but the health visitor said all was well and she was right. Your baby sounds happy and busy which is all good stuff at that age!

Hi there- yes we have been doing PT for her since 4.5 months. At that time, she hated doing tummy time and would cry hysterically if we attempted to make her, even with any modifications. She was unable to lift her head off the ground when on her tummy at that point. PT got us almost caught up where she was lifting chest off ground, sitting, and rolling inconsistently around 6 months, but then that PT left and in the last 2.5 months we have only had 3 visits, when it is supposed to be weekly. Her progress has stopped except for mastering sitting on her own. The health system scheduling is so messed up.

Thank you so much! Yes- I am trying to let this go for now so I can help her and actually be present for her. Being sad and down about this was affecting my interactions with her and I don't want to have wasted all of her baby time being worried. The people who scored her did give her credit for being able to sit for so long, but they explained because she didn't roll while they were there and was making no attempts to transition to hands/knees from sitting. It does give me some relief to hear everyone's stories about some babies being closer to one and then crawling and learning to get into sitting on their own, rather than that being something more commonly done around 8 months.

Yes- we actually found a daycare that has 1 open slot for her age group and will be touring it Tuesday, as long as I don't see any glaring red flags she will be going to it. This place is the only one out of 20+ that I have contacted that actually has an opening rather than waitlist.

Tank you for sharing- can't help but chuckle that you had a potato baby too and now they are an amazing athlete. We actually found one daycare with an opening for her age group, so will be touring it early next week- and hope that it will work for us. If not I am going to do as suggested and bring someone into the home while husband works to play with her and help out since he will be home I don't have to be as scared about someone coming into the home.

My son was a chubby potato and just sat and bounced on his bum until about 11 months. It was so cite! Then started crawling. Didn't walk until 16 months. He was 6 weeks early so that may have been something to do with it. She'll get there, it's easy to compare to other babies but she'll be fine. In a way I was grateful as it meant he stayed in one place

Also he is pretty advanced with talking at 2 years old now. So some babies are just slower or quicker at certain things.

Hi @etoilenoire do you have an update? My daughter is almost the same age now and sounds similar to yours - except for the being able to sit for 45 minutes part (more like 5 minutes.). Was everything ok in the end?