To say no to friend and DD?

[JulyDreams]

I feel awful. I've got a 7 week old. My work friend and her DD are due to visit me and my newborn Sunday. We have had it arranged only for about 2 weeks.

My DD is slightly moody as she is bunged up at the moment with a slight cough and is generally feeling under the weather (needy and feeding a lot on me) so I'm worried as it is and keeping an eye on her.

I sort of want contact to be minimal until next week: DD hasn't had any injections yet until next week (8 week injections). I feel awful but am I being unreasonable to cancel?

This will be the second time I have cancelled. First time I had to be somewhere short notice.

She is also cluster feeding past few days due to a 7 week growth spurt but I think that may have gone now.

Do you think it's rude if I cancel even though I don't feel 100% confident for DD to be mixing yet with so many people? I feel awful

Sorry I know it's not easy with a newborn and probably scarier since covid. I do think you're rude to cancel though, especially if it's the second time. It's up to you though of course. I'm the sort that took my babies into work and they were passed around etc, I was never really worried about that sort of thing. You could ask your friend to clean hands before holding your baby. I remember my SIL got us to do that. I thought it was OTT but I respected it and gladly did it for a chance to hold my niece.

I think it is rude to cancel for any reason other than an emergency yes.

When I accept an invitation, if I am subsequently offered work I turn it down so that I can honour the invitation. It's very annoying if the other person then cancels. It means it's cost me money. I've also arranged a smear test before now not to coincide with an invitation and guess what - that was cancelled too! I missed out on my smear test because someone didn't feel like socialising lol.

Cancelling really only works for the person doing the cancelling. For the person on the receiving end its horrible.

Thanks both! It's more just covid I am worried about and she hasn't had her injections I'm a new mum so probably being over anxious. I had covid in pregnancy at 37 weeks which has made me even more anxious for me and her to get it

That's really rude.

She's a parent has been there, done that and knows how stressful a wee baby is. Explain your concerns but don't cancel unless it's an emergency.

Is this the first time you'll have met with anyone?

I wouldn't cancel but I would let them know the situation, after all, presumably DD could have COVID? Then it's their decision.

Sorry, I read that wrong 🤪. No harm in letting your friend know your LO isn't well though....

i think you're being a bit PFB, have you not seen or met anyone in 7 weeks? Minor illnesses are pretty standard with babies and children, immunisations or not. And babies feed a lot, you'll get used to doing it out and about or around other people and learn what works for you and your dd.

It's fine to check with your friend that both her and her dd are feeling well and ask them to wash hands before touching the baby. But if you start cancelling all plans now it's a slippery slope that can end up with you being isolated and that's potentially much worse for you and your dd.

Don't cancel but say that you would rather if no cuddles were exchanged!

I’d call and say your DD is unwell (minor cold symptoms) and you’re happy to still have the visit but felt they should know in case they wanted to reschedule and to give them forewarning the visit may be a bit shorter than originally planned due to a fussy baby.

Hmm, I can't quite relate as I've been out loads with newborn DD2 to all manner of places because of DD1's activities and commitments and figure any illness is likely to come from my child at nursery, not really anyone else. What is it you're actually worried about?

This ^^ and I have a healthy 13 year old but it's defo up to you

If you're feeling super anxious it will probably do you good to see your friend and talk about normal things. Don't cancel there is no real reason to.

Tbh if she's ill I'd be telling them just so they don't come and catch something instead of other way round!

@drinkfeck she has met loads of people, probably too many. First week she was born we had visitors everyday. I really don't think I'll cancel I feel so bad.

You might actually feel better if they visit. The more you put off seeing people the harder it will be. I wouldn't worry about your baby not having had her inoculations yet, you can't avoid all contact with everyone else until she is fully vaccinated that's not healthy for either of you.
I would tell your friend that your baby is under the weather though and not at her best but you are happy to see her if she still wants to come .

Thanks @EscapeRoomToTheSun do you think it's safe even though she hasn't had her 8 week injections? friend's DD is at uni so don't know if she mixes with loads.

@Suedomin I think I will do that.

I'd love to say that, but I don't think it would go down well with friend and her DD. She can be very easily offended

Good idea @abblie

However if you weren't worried about your children being passed around did they ever catch a cold at 7 weeks like mine seems to be suffering with?

Uni has been closed for a couple of months though.

@Hugasauras I'm more worried about her catching something as she hasn't had her immunisations, maybe like covid or just anything really. She isn't well as it is, when I made the plan with my friend my DD was fine

@DenholmElliot1 I've no idea

My DD got a cold at 4 weeks from something her older sister brought home from nursery. Hard to avoid when you have older kids really!

I think for ,e the question is why you don't think it's safe now but didn't worry for the first week when she met loads of people?

Are you suddenly feeling overwhelmed and struggling with anxiety? This can happen and if it's now preventing you going out and/or meeting people or continuously feeling worried I'd talk to midwife or HV.

But other than that having someone who has been through raising a child from newborn to adult around may just be good for you - she's probably seen it all and then some

If I was due to visit my friend with a newborn baby and knew she was anxious about the visit I'd be absolutely fine with rescheduling. Your baby is still tiny and when they're sick it's a really worrying time, even if she's absolutely fine. I do think it sounds more like you being apprehensive and overly cautious, but that doesn't mean you aren't genuinely stressed. Be kind to yourself and if you feel you need to take some quiet time and reschedule then do it, just be honest with your friend.
Normal niceties and manners don't always apply when you're a new mother.