To say no to friend and DD?

[JulyDreams]

I feel awful. I've got a 7 week old. My work friend and her DD are due to visit me and my newborn Sunday. We have had it arranged only for about 2 weeks.

My DD is slightly moody as she is bunged up at the moment with a slight cough and is generally feeling under the weather (needy and feeding a lot on me) so I'm worried as it is and keeping an eye on her.

I sort of want contact to be minimal until next week: DD hasn't had any injections yet until next week (8 week injections). I feel awful but am I being unreasonable to cancel?

This will be the second time I have cancelled. First time I had to be somewhere short notice.

She is also cluster feeding past few days due to a 7 week growth spurt but I think that may have gone now.

Do you think it's rude if I cancel even though I don't feel 100% confident for DD to be mixing yet with so many people? I feel awful

Ooops sorry op - I invented a 2nd child........ sorry!

But still........ prioritise yourself and what you feel comfortable with right now. With subsequent children you'll probably have them rolling in mud at 3 months old.......... but its still early days with your first. I remember how that feels. Its perfectly fine to stick within your comfort zone for the first few months of becoming a mother. x

I admit, I get a bit confused by the parents who wait until baby’s first immunizations to see people. If you look at what vaccines are offered at the first visit, they really aren’t for anything that common. At least where I am, most pregnant women get the pertussis vaccination during pregnancy, which I understand passes immunity on to the baby for a few months after birth, so while getting the pertussis vaccine for the baby is obviously a good idea, I don’t think it’s a game changer in terms of ability to socialize. Rotavirus - maybe, but the real protection comes from the second dose not from the first, and anyway good hand hygiene before holding the baby eliminates most of the risk. For the rest - polio, tetanus, etc. - are your friends likely to be passing those on?

I agree with PPs that it would be a bit rude to cancel on someone a second time. I think you sense that, intuitively, or else you wouldn’t have bothered posting.

I do sympathize with how overwhelming it can feel to be responsible for an entire new human. It can really throw you out of whack. But I think maintaining adult relationships is one of the key ways to find some equilibrium again.

The immunity that your baby gets from your body (and especially if typed up by immunity from your milk) lasts up to six months, OP. For instance tests on babies whose mothers had either been vaccinated for or had caught Covid when they were in the womb, showed immune cells still in their bodies when they were six months old.

Your immune cells are still doing their thing for your baby, even though she's been out of your body for seven weeks.

Topped.up, even

To put it in to perspective your baby has a cold - it's fairly common.

You have not mentioned any additional vulnerabilities like prematurity or congenital problems so I think you are over thinking this.

I don't really understand why you keep bringing up covid as she wont get inoculated against it.

Can understand your anxieties especially with having PNA . I suffered with this after the birth of DD1 and it was awful so lots of hugs. Going to playgroups etc for sure helped me and mixing with other mums .

I also made everyone who came to visit my newborns either wash their hands or use hand sanitiser(even before covid) no one questioned it because they know me and respected my decision.

I recently gave birth to DS2 who caught covid when he was 6 weeks old . He had a slight cough but was more nasal congested. I had the vaccine when I was pregnant and hospital said he would probably have some immunity from
me which would help!

I wouldn’t relate mixing with others to your DDs vaccinations. Realistically your friend isn’t going to bring in any of the things that those jabs are for.
Ask them to wash hands before holding DD or if you don’t want them to hold her at all then put her in the sling and get her to sleep before they come, then you can use the “never wake a sleeping baby” line

Her immunisations won't stop her catching covid.

It s also likely that your friend and her dd are inoculated against the things your dd will be vax d against!

If you are anxious about coivd could you text your friend and let her know about your PND and ask her to wear a mask and hand wash or do a lateral flow test before coming ?

Being alone with an ill cluster feeding baby is exactly when I WOULD want company and support from visitors - another pair of hands to help out / bring food / make drinks / offer support etc.

Common colds and viruses will be a feature of your life for many months and years to come. Vaccinations protect against the more serious but rare diseases.

I think it's fine to cancel, I think any visits to newborns should be very flexible, you just don't know how the day is going to pan out. You should warn her now that it looks unlikely and that you will call on the day to confirm if it can go ahead. I would totally understand.

We had a terrible night, I've been feeding her and she's bringing up each feed nearly. She's been sniffing and snorting all night along with a soft cough. Generally unsettled. Although temperature is fine.

Yes I admit I'm over anxious- this child is my first and I think that's normal? She is a good work friend to me but not close enough I would say to ask her to clean my house and make me a cup of tea as pp have said! I just feel generally bad

If you haven't got one already, get one of those nose sucker things. Absolutely hideous but they work so well.

It's actually pretty helpful for small babies to get some exposure to minor infections early in life, reduces later chances of allergies and asthma, both of which can be life threatening. If you feel that you would be more comfortable after her 8 week jabs, ask if the DD has had her MMR vaccinations, then you can be reassured that she won't be harboring them. Honestly, seeing people may really help your anxiety. Also, the nose frida snot sucker is really effective, really helps the baby to breathe at night so you can both sleep better. Good luck.

www.google.com/search?q=nosefrida+baby+nasal+aspirator&rlz=1CDGOYI_enGB943GB943&oq=nosefrida+&aqs=chrome.2.69i57j0i512l5.4701j0j4&hl=en-GB&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8

Oh and with breast feeding you will be passing on all your antibodies, in fact your body changes antibody production in reaction to your babies infection, it's magic. And this might be helpful: www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/childrens-health/how-long-do-babies-carry-their-mothers-immunity/