Breastfeeding/formula guilt

[expectingourmiracle]

I have a beautiful one month old daughter who at the moment is mixed fed. I started breastfeeding exclusively but my milk took a long time to come in so I ended up topping up with formula. Since my milk has come in I've tried to reduce the number of formula bottles she has, but the constant breastfeeding is exhausting me.

She feeds for up to an hour at a time (sometimes having to be topped up with formula if still hungry on the advice of the doctor due to slow weight gain), then has a break of an hour before wanting to feed again. Sometimes she will sleep in that hour, other times she won't, which means I can go without sleep all night. I know this can be typical of breastfeeding, but I'm struggling to cope with the lack of sleep, so much so it's causing me major anxiety. I've tried numerous helplines and seen specialists who all seem to give different advice. It's a minefield and I hate it. I want to give up but feel so guilty because 'breast is best' and I don't want to put her at any harm.
I don't really know what I'm asking... just looking for a handhold

This is precisely why I hate the term 'Breast is Best' and the way it is banded about. Yes, breast is scientifically best but your baby will not be harmed by having formula. You need to do what is best for you and your baby

@expectingourmiracle hey! Firstly don't feel guilty whatever you do! You're in the tough bit right now. I promise it gets easier!

My baby never took a bottle, I exclusively breast fed for 18m (this came with its own issues).

Babies want to be on their mummies at first, breastfed or not. I suggest looking up safe co sleeping. Also, I would go to bed at 7pm, and leave baby with dad for a few hours after a good feed til he would bring him up to me about 10pm ready for the night shift as we called it.

You really do need to try and nap when baby naps if you can (it is hard!)

This is just survival mode right now. It DOES get easier. Baby will be trying to up your supply by feeding lots and often. Go with it as much as you can - read up about cluster feeding. I'd say after about 8 weeks it gets sooo much easier.

And for what it's worth....
Breastfeeding becomes so bloody easy. No bottles or sterilising. Much less faff. It becomes more rewarding and fun too as baby grows older.
I've never bottle fed so can't comment but if you can persevere with the breastfeeding it will be very worth it BUT you must do what is right for you of course!

First off, congrats on the new baby.

Second, you need some sleep. As baby is already combi fed I suggest you let dad take them for a while and you sleep (wear breast pads as you will leak if you don't express in that time)

Then reassess how you feel once you've had some sleep. Breastfeeding is hard at first while everything establishes but it does get a lot easier.

Find a local support group and go along and speak to 1 person for advice. Someone who is seeing you feed and can give advice for you.

They always say to not give up on a bad day and you can always move to combi feeding full time. I combi fed my first and it saved our breastfeeding journey.

However, if after some sleep you want to stop, that's fine.

Honestly, if you don't want to carry on breastfeeding, it's ok. Your baby would be absolutely fine on formula.

If you want to continue breastfeeding, that's ok too, and things will get better in time. Could you maybe try cosleeping and letting baby feed lying down, might get you both more sleep? The Lullaby Trust has good info on how to make it as safe as possible and it saved my sanity starting to cosleep for a few weeks when DS was 4 weeks old.

They do feed a lot at that age. If you want to mix feed I would pick one or two feed a day which are formula and stick to bf the rest.
Both of mine had to be topped up and the baby sucks to increase demand so basically that’s what your baby is doing but by constantly topping up the supply probably isn’t increasing fast enough. There is also a growth spurt so baby will want even more.
Just sitting on the sofa and chilling and feeding is the best option and it does get easier. Six weeks is a massive improvement and then from 12 weeks it’s a doddle. Having said all of that if you don’t want to feed swap to formals

Congratulations on your little one 😍 the newborn days are exhausting. Would you consider co-sleeping? When done safely, everyone gets more rest.

The health benefits of breast over formula are negligible. So tiny, they’re only just noticeable if you study hundreds of thousands of children. However the impact of dehydration, weight gain issues or a depressed and anxious mum will be noticeable to her. Go ahead and bottle feed your baby with zero guilt 💐

Have you read OP’s post?

It is absolutely fine to switch to formula OP, you have tried breastfeeding and it's not working out for you so don't feel any shame in feeding your baby by whatever method works!

I did the same and switched to fully formula fed by 5 weeks and everyone was so much happier and baby has thrived. I don't believe the benefits of breastfeeding trump the mental health of the mother.

I fucking hate it that they push so much for breast feeding. I didnt from birth for numerous reasons and was made to feel so guilty by all the midwives.

Feed your baby - the way that works best for you and your mental and physical health.

Do what is right for you. Your baby will do just fine on formula if thats the way it is.

@Wouldloveanother This!

Amen to this.

Take the pressure off and do what you feel like is best for you and your family.

My first one was exclusively breastfed, my second couldn't latch properly, so exclusively pumped for about 3 months - both my children are healthy and thriving.

Breast is scientifically best but there are different pros and cons to both. You've got this mama, whatever you choose to do x

Also my formula fed baby is now 11 weeks - doesn't have two heads and is perfectly happy, smiley and thriving.

I combo fed my first for 6 weeks and my second for 10 weeks. At that point they were BF only till 6 months. The first had BM in their diet until 16 months. The second until 18 months.

Keep going. Combo fed is fine. Best of both worlds!

I used a SNS (supplementary nursing system) which was a tube taped to my nipple. As they fed they were getting whatever I'd managed to express or formula at the same time as nursing.

Now at almost 16 and 12 you'd never be able to look at them or their peers and know who was BF, who was FF and who was combo fed.

No, fed baby and functioning parents is best.

This hippy dippy bollocks about breastfeeding being the be all and end all that mum's hear and break themselves to achieve because they want to do the best for their baby is hugely damaging. I thought that way with my first and struggled for months to exclusively breastfeed at the expense of my own recovery and yeah we got there but I can categorically say it was not worth it.

For what it's worth, the midwives have to say that. When I told mine this time that I didn't care, I would be topping up with formula until I felt like I was recovered from haemorrhaging during birth because I would be a far better mother that way she absolutely agreed that was the right thing to do but just wasn't allowed to give that advice.

You will be fine and your baby will be fine whether you end up exclusively breastfeeding or not. Just focus on finding a balance that works for you.

Prize for the most insensitive response 👏

OP do what feels right for you. If you want to persevere then do so, try to find some professional support if you can. Equally if you feel it's better to switch over completely, do that. A content, fed baby is best, how that happens is of less importance. I battled and battled with breast feeding. When I finally 'gave in' and swapped to formula full time our baby visibly thrived. I now beat myself up for not switching sooner. Why on Earth we feel guilty for making sure our babies are content I will never understand. Societal pressure has a lot to answer for.

Right? I will never understand why the breastfeeding anguish posts draw so many smug, breezy, faux-concerned responses from people saying how great it was for them and how easy they found it in the end. Like, who cares and what relevance is that here?

I was in your situation. Breastfeeding was utterly miserable for me and there were times that were so dark I wondered if I was suicidal.
I gave up and it was like a dark cloud lifting. I started enjoying life again from that point and never looked back.

@Wouldloveanother because sometimes you just need to hear that it won't stay like this forever.

Honestly, one of the things that made EBF my second easier was knowing that the newborn bit didn't last forever. I knew that my boobs wouldn't feel like footballs forever, I knew the space between feeds would get longer, I knew I'd sleep again.

Sometimes it can help to hear that there is an end in sight.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with switching, or that anyone who didn't breastfeed was 'wrong'.

sometimes having to be topped up with formula if still hungry on the advice of the doctor due to slow weight gain

^ this is terrible advice. You should be encouraged to pump if low supply is really the issue which I doubt. Every time you give formula your body won't make the milk equivalent as it's as simple as supply and demand.

Far more likely baby is inefficiently feeding due to a latch issue or just wanting to constantly suckle to soothe the pain of reflux/silent reflux.

Something is amiss here and I would suggest seeing a lactation consultant next week for advice before you give up

I had to pump every two hours for eight weeks before I could get tongue tie done. It was so hard to have so little sleep. With the right IBCLC support things can't really improve for you though. I'm so glad I persisted and by three months breastfeeding was a breeze and still going stop at 13m despite a rather toothy latch. Things can be turned around for you and baby.

lcgb.org/find-an-ibclc/

Best of luck.

I can categorically say it was not worth it.

^ breastfeeding statistically reduces cancer incidence for you and childhood leukemia for you baby. How can you say it wasn't worth it?

By how much? Can you actually quantify that?