Breastfeeding/formula guilt

[expectingourmiracle]

I have a beautiful one month old daughter who at the moment is mixed fed. I started breastfeeding exclusively but my milk took a long time to come in so I ended up topping up with formula. Since my milk has come in I've tried to reduce the number of formula bottles she has, but the constant breastfeeding is exhausting me.

She feeds for up to an hour at a time (sometimes having to be topped up with formula if still hungry on the advice of the doctor due to slow weight gain), then has a break of an hour before wanting to feed again. Sometimes she will sleep in that hour, other times she won't, which means I can go without sleep all night. I know this can be typical of breastfeeding, but I'm struggling to cope with the lack of sleep, so much so it's causing me major anxiety. I've tried numerous helplines and seen specialists who all seem to give different advice. It's a minefield and I hate it. I want to give up but feel so guilty because 'breast is best' and I don't want to put her at any harm.
I don't really know what I'm asking... just looking for a handhold

If there’s nothing wrong with switching why are you all clearly trying to encourage OP to carry on with something that is affecting her MH and she’s quite clearly stated she doesn’t want to do?

There's nothing wrong with switching.

I mix fed myself.

But to me OP sounded exhausted and in my answer to her I said the first thing she should do is give baby a bottle and get some sleep.

Then, once she has slept, she can really go through what would make life better in the long term.

Yes that might be formula. But equally it could be combi feeding or working towards ebf. Sometimes all you need is to hear that breastfeeding can get easier with time and if it was important to the OP to start, she might want to find a way to carry on.

Top line is she needs to get some sleep.

There's nothing wrong with breastfeeding either. There's nothing wrong with struggling with it and deciding it's worth it to you to carry on through the hard days. There's nothing wrong with cheering someone on from the side lines.

There's nothing wrong with switching either.

Oh please! I laughed out loud at that. You go ahead and martyr yourself for a tiny benefit if you want do, but don’t heap guilt onto other women.

I am a total breastfeeding champion. I love it and think its amazing. I ff my first child however, and he never gets sick. My breastfed daughter caught ever bug going. I personally love breastfeeding but would not do it if I didn't. Motherhood is about far more than food! You have a lifetime of love and bonding ahead of you that will be based on affection, kindness, laughs, and shared memories. I often joke with my husband that so many women (myself included!) torture themselves trying g to establish breastfeeding, making huge personal sacrifices and end up feeding their kids Coco Pops and Happy Meals down the line anyway (not all the time!).

Enjoy your baby, enjoy motherhood. If you want to stop, stop.

@Twizbe OP said ‘I want to give up but feel so guilty because 'breast is best' and I don't want to put her at any harm.’ Because she’s been so guilt tripped by the breastfeeding brigade that she feels not breastfeeding would harm her baby. It’s all absolute nonsense.

@Thejoyfulstar is spot on. Take an overall look at how you nurture the health of your child - good food, exercise, fresh air, mental stimulation, affection. Breastfeeding is such a tiny and transient part of that, and all the kids end up necking booze and living off pot noodles by the time they’re 18 anyway. What matters is that you do your best for your child overall, while enjoying each other’s company.

Dearest OP, you want to stop. So stop! Your baby will thrive, it'll be easier for you, and all will be well.

I've breastfed two and struggled so badly trying to feed my third it pushed me into PND. You don't want that to happen.

It's perfectly fine to formula feed, it really is, and in case you are worrying about your bond, it won't be affected.

Do what's right for you.

Just adding my tuppenceworth. I had to start mixed feeding when one of mine was quite little and that child was much keener on the bottle thereafter, so it became bottlefeeding pretty quickly. They were also underweight which left no room for manouvre. While breast is technically best, it ceases to be best when e.g. baby isn't getting enough milk, Mum is struggling mentally or physically with it to the point where she'd benefit from stopping, or other factors.

Perhaps you could try moving to bottles in the evening (could be partially expressed milk if you like) and breast in the morning, say - that's just one idea of many. You can get help from NCT (Breast)feeding counsellors, they are trained and happy to help with mixed or bottlefeeding issues too these days, and probably some other organisations can help too.

You are doing fab. Happy Mum, happy baby and getting the baby fed by whatever means are the key things here.

Do you want round of applause for persevering yourself?

@Isthisexpected How ridiculous! Plenty of women suffer with M H difficulties due to being made to feel guilty by the 'breast is best' brigade and feeling like they're a failure.

@Isthisexpected How ridiculous! Plenty of women suffer with M H difficulties due to being made to feel guilty by the 'breast is best' brigade and feeling like they're a failure.

What ab utter fucking joke of a post.

I didnt breast feed because I had every problem going during pregnancy - GD, OC, pre-eclampsia, fast growth, slow growth.. I was in hospital 3 times a week. I felt like an utter failure and was scared every day I was doing something seriously wrong. I literally couldn't take the stress of something else not going right. After the birth I decided I wouldn't put myself or my baby through that.
Nothing to do with wanting to sleep more. What a fucking kick in the teeth to all women who choose not to BF to say.

Nothing to do with the exhaustion/ hard work. Trust me, FF a baby is still hard work.

You go along now with your medal. I'd clap you but I'm busy with my hands holding my babys bottle.

I was at your position few months ago. Almost at the verge of PND. I chose to prioritize my MH to be able to be a present healthy mum to my baby before anything else. My baby is doing well with formula. It does no harm. Upto you to prioritize what matters. There's so much to being a mom than just breastfeeding. Good luck!

Sorry I also did mean to include in my reply that I agree that breast is only just best by a smidgen too and that modern formula is great stuff on which your baby can thrive, as a PP has said.

Do you want round of applause for persevering yourself? Of course they do - well, I tend to find that the sort of person to whom this (bang on) reply refers usually wants a round of applause quite regularly. And rarely knows what they are on about. 😂

Ignore, OP, ignore. Plenty of people on this thread here to help you who do know what they are on about. 😀

When breastfeeding didn’t work for me I exclusively pumped (recommend a spectra pump).
Baby might be trying to up your supply now as they start wanting more milk.
Drink lots, eat loads and breastfeeds between 12-5am usually do a lot to maintain/increase supply so try not to do any formula feeds during those times. If I didn’t drink enough or if I skipped a meal/snacks I’d get less milk.
My baby wouldn’t even latch and even support groups couldn’t help me. I was so stressed and upset. Pumping worked for me, baby got breast milk and bottle feeding had great benefits as my husband could feed and I’d get some rest. I think even a few ounces of breast milk confer benefits. It was funny my breast milk always had a blue tint before we’d get a bug in the house, apparently it’s increased water content when you’re fighting off an illness. Whenever my milk went a bit blue we were like ‘uh oh!’ It is pretty amazing however much you end up doing.
So sorry you’re finding it hard, don’t feel guilty however it ends up but try and get some sleep.

Thanks (mostly) everyone for your replies. I've taken PPs advice and given a bottle of formula at midnight. She slept until 3, then I breastfed her and she slept until gone 5, so far it's only just after 5 am and I've had almost 5 hours sleep 🥰 I feel this may be the best way forward for us. She's still benefiting from breast milk, but she and I actually sleep and will be able to function tomorrow, plus BF at 3am will keep my supply going as PP have suggested.

I would love to co sleep but I'm too scared! My husband sleeps like a log and I'm worried he'd roll into her and not notice

I meant to say in my earlier post, you don't have to make a decision yet. If you keep feeding one or twice a day you'll maintain a supply that you should be able to build up later if you decide you want to solely breastfeed. Might take a bit of the pressure off knowing you've not shut the door completely?

And for the lovely poster who questioned me saying that breaking myself for breastfeeding was not worth it, I can't remember the first few months of my babies life because I was so wiped out. It was not worth it.

😂this is good to know!

I have had appointments with feeding specialists and lactation consultants who annoyingly gave different advice. They did all say though that her latch was good and agreed that sometimes babies do cluster feed and that I basically need to suck it up 😳

Perhaps look into pumping.
Don't want to be a buzz kill but the night feed (milk removal at night ) is very important to establish a good milk supply (if you are planning to breastfeed at day )
I didn't breastfeed for personal reasons but have been pumping for almost 9 months now.Every time I remove a night pump my supply drops .Looking it up confirms it

I had low supply, confirmed by a lactation consultant and I was advised by her and the paediatrician to top up with formula until my full supply came in. However, it was within the context of my breasts being emptied constantly.

I had to pump, breastfeed, top up with expressed milk, then with formula, pump, breastfeed, and so on...it lasted about a week until my full milk came in, at which point I ditched the formula (and I nearly lost my mind in the process!). Still breastfeeding now, 6 months later.

My baby was not thriving on my milk alone by 4 weeks and did in fact need the extra calories. Topping up with formula is fine if the breasts are emptied very frequently (providing the mother wants to breastfeed in the long run). It's also fine if the mum just wants to combi feed or not breastfeed for long at all.

10 days, not a week.