Husband wants to take my maternity leave

[Otishound]

Massively confused….
1st baby on the way but cannot work out what we can claim.
I’m an Agency worker so I’m expecting not to be able to claim any maternity leave really. I’m currently saving to take 3x months out after the birth.

My husband is in a perm job - been there for 2 years and wants to take as much maternity leave as possible whilst I work.

Is anyone please able to give some clarity and if their husbands took maternity leave how much leave did they get, how was this paid and what were the rules….

Agree with this and everything @MolliciousIntent has said. We intend to do SPL so my partner will take 13 weeks away from work at the end of my maternity leave. Firstly because it makes the most sense financially because his company will pay him in full for that time whereas I would be receiving nothing. Secondly because his career is no less or more important than mine just because we've made a baby together. And lastly because he needs time with the baby too, regardless of the fact he didn't grow it in his body. Some absolutely archaic views on here.

@Dinoteeth its not really “time off” though is it. Unless you get an extremely chilled out baby then it’s actually time spent looking after a tiny dependent being who needs all your energy, focus, attention, every minute of the day and from whom there are often no real breaks.

My partner and I shared some of her maternity leave as SPL and while we both loved looking after our baby, both of us also agreed that going back to work, where you have fixedish start and end times, a nice lunch break, a chance to have adult conversation and be recognised and paid for your efforts - was much easier than being “on leave.”

Almost all the mums in our NCT and friendship group thought the same, that going back to work was easier than being off with the baby

I think Op should ask to get this moved to relationships board. It's one thing where a couple agree shared leave it's another where the mum is doing the saving, and the dad is demanding she goes back to work so he can get as much time off as possible.

It's hard to know where to start with this car crash of a thread, so I'll just stick to the facts that seem to have been missed

1. Both parents can take shared parental leave at the same time or even overlapping.

So for example the mother could take 4 months as a block and the father could take 2 months at the start, then work for 2 months, then another 4 months off, then the mother could take another 2 months.

1. Many companies would allow unpaid/sabbatical, so depending on your finances you could transfer the unpaid weeks of maternity leave to a partner and then top up to a year anyway by using unpaid leave. If the partner gets company pay then you might end up substantially better off in terms of leave without losing any money.

1. The father's relationship with their child is super important, but you have to start as you mean to go on.

Perhaps her having to save for the time she's off is a benefit of having independent finances rather than shared. She's still trying to cover her part of the expenses. Ideally her husband will cover all the costs during the period but it does make a mockery of independent finances. Independent until I need you to cover for me. Need to share finances.

If he gets paid time off and she doesn't it makes financial sense for him to take more time off.

We did shared paternal leave, as husband's company offered enormously more pay. It was good! I was a bit jealous, but it gave my husband and son a great bond, and has been useful afterwards as husband now does way more around the house.

No one with children should have independent finances. She is growing the baby. She is the one doing the current work.

It is harder if you look after the baby properly and still try and keep the house clean and everything else functioning.

Do you think the husband who wants to take Ops Mat leave realises that?

If he doesn't he'll soon find out.

Well we obviously won’t know because the OP hasn’t come back. My reading of her post was more that she thinks she won’t be entitled to much paid mat leave because she’s an agency worker (sadly probably true) and wants to work out how much her partner might be able to take and what they can claim for. Not that he’s trying to take by force mat leave that she would otherwise be able to take herself. Maternity leave rights if you’re not a permanent employee are pretty shocking.

Also if her partner doesn’t know how much work it is, he will soon find out and tbh that’s probably preferable to him thinking looking after a baby is a doddle (if that is what he thinks because we don’t know) and continuing to think that into its childhood and therefore never pulling his weight. All the non-birthing parents I know that took SPL found it really brought home how much effort taking care of a baby is and it made them much more involved in child raising and resulted in a more equal partnership going forward. It sounds like that’s been the experience of most of the people on this thread too.

You seem to be really against the idea of parents sharing some leave @Dinoteeth, in which case I’d say don’t do that yourself but do remain open to the idea that for some people it’s a really good option and that it’s bloody great that the option is there, whether you want to take it up as a couple or not.

Do you think the husband who wants to take Ops Mat leave realises that?

For all we know he might be house proud and keep a sparkly clean house where OPs afraid to put a cup down in case it leaves a ring.

Or not.

We didn't take that view of maternity leave/SPL. Our view - which was definitely influenced by both of taking a turn - was that it was primarily about looking after the baby and bonding. Housework broadly continued as we had done it pre baby - the person at home did more laundry and a few more errands but that's about it.

Hang on, what?

I should have been forced to pool my finances with my husband while I was pregnant?

Why?

I don't think you should. I suspect this comes from the idea that OP is 'saving' just now possibly to keep paying her share during maternity leave.

If you can keep your share going during maternity leave fine.

We did SPL, because my husband was able to have 6 months off on full pay, and I'm self employed. I had a couple of months of, and then started back initially just 1-2 days a week.

For us, it was a natural consequence of a very equal approach to parenting that we have, and made sense. We were also very both very happy with the situation.

It's a great option for some families, as long as everyone is happy.