Husband wants to take my maternity leave

[Otishound]

Massively confused….
1st baby on the way but cannot work out what we can claim.
I’m an Agency worker so I’m expecting not to be able to claim any maternity leave really. I’m currently saving to take 3x months out after the birth.

My husband is in a perm job - been there for 2 years and wants to take as much maternity leave as possible whilst I work.

Is anyone please able to give some clarity and if their husbands took maternity leave how much leave did they get, how was this paid and what were the rules….

One of my gripes about Dads muscling in is Mum has gone through the hard bit of giving birth, and the really tough early months.
Then Dad gets the easier months at the end with Baby is a bit bigger and sleeps better.

But I do understand that for many couples it makes more sense esp if Dad will be paid for time off and Mums pay has ran out.

I took 6 months with ds2 as that was paid at half pay + SMP.

I went back to work at that point and dh took 6 months Shared Parental Pay which at the time was 3 months SMP and 3 months unpaid.

I was the higher earner so it made financial sense for dh to take the time off when it dropped to SMP only. If Shared Pay hadn't been available then I'd still have had to return to work after 6 months.

We made the decision together and were both happy with it, which is really the key thing, although sometimes you can be unhappy with a situation but at the end of the day the bills need to be paid and you make the best of it.

I'm thinking it's quite selfish for a man to want to take the Maternity leave while mum works unless their is a massive financial benefit to it, ie the woman is by far the bigger earner.

Perhaps he wants to be involved with his son/daughter. Or is his purpose in the family to get the wife pregnant and to pay for the baby?

It's up to each couple to decide what works for them but don't push dad away and then wonder why he's not more involved.

Check what each of you are entitled to first and discuss it with your husband. Being agency will it matter if you take an extended time out?

It's funny reading the different views on this. Personally I think it's quite selfish for a man to assume that the woman will take all the maternity leave and do the bulk of the young baby stage, while he goes off to work without much interruption to his career or daily routine. I'm trying to persuade DH to take at least a couple of months. To say that's 'stealing' leave from the mother strikes me as being entirely ridiculous. Both parents would ideally get a chance to be the sole carers for their babies for a period.

Regardless of views on shared leave.
Him taking as much leave as possible just seems unfair to her, esp when it's the Op who is saving to try and cover the drop in income, and it's her who needs to carry the baby and give birth.

Maybe I'm old fashioned but it seems very cruel / abusive to insist that she is back at work ASAP so he can get time off.

Or it’s an opportunity for both parents to have an equal involvement in their child’s early life.

The woman taking all the time off doesn’t suit all families so the option for people to chose who takes the leave provides vital flexibility.

We did shared parental leave (3 months each) and it was brilliant. It really set us up for a healthy family dynamic of equal parenting. Our daughter has an equally strong attachment to both of us and is happy to be comforted by either parent. We also both had a full understanding of how hard it was to be at home with a baby.

Seriously! Its hardly like the Dad can do the earlier months if they both agree that the baby is to be breast fed and the mum wants to do breastfeeding. This is most stupidest thing I have read to be honest.

In response to @Dinoteeth

Are you entitled to maternity allowance? The rate is the same as SMP (once the first 6 weeks are over) so financially it may make very little difference if your DH would only be paid the statutory rate for SPL.

The gov.uk website is quite useful for understanding whether you qualify for SPL

www.gov.uk/shared-parental-leave-and-pay

A father that expects his partner to save up alone for maternity leave does not strike me as someone who will be an equal parent.

Ahahahaha! The amount of people calling a man taking leave as “time off” here is shocking. Is a mum in her 4th month of Mat leave taking time off? No she’s on leave to care for a baby. Good god, and people say “parenting is the hardest job”.

What is wrong with a dad wanting to spend time with his baby. This is part of the reason some dads are disconnected with their children. When mum acta like the baby is just hers

There is obviously a lot more info needed from the op to better comment on this, and clarity on whether you’d qualify for paid leave or not. But for mine, I’m on mat leave wiht my 3rd. I wouldn’t go back before 8 months as honestly I need that time to recover and to be with my baby. I’m going back after 12 months and dp is taking 4 months leave fully paid from when bub is 10.5 months. I know we are very lucky, he’s never had paid paternity leave before. I wouldn’t dream of going back so he could stay home before 8 months but am very much looking forward to going back to work with an at home dad to take over. I am
hoping it is good for me, the dc, and his parenting and home admin skills Ie everyone.
separately, if savings are needed to cover maternity leave it should be both of your savings. If you’re looking after a newborn baby full time, thats your contribution. You shouldn’t be asked to empty your savings ro also pay the bills - that’s expecting you to do 2 jobs and your partner to just carry on doing their one.

What the fuck have I just read…

We did shared parental leave both times and it was fab. Still breastfeeding the 3 year old who has never had formula...

I know that some women have horrific birth injuries but let's not pretend it's the norm to need 12 months maternity leave to recover physically.

Also to be honest I am not convinced that running around after my second who started walking at 7 months would actually have been more conducive to physical recovery than my office job anyway.. (of course I recognise that many women have very physical jobs)

To support the mother, to bond with his new baby, and to help her be able to return to work when she wants to.

Whilst I don’t agree with poster that fathers have no business taking parenteral leave, she is making another point that is far from disgusting

in the modern world we forget the physiological impact of pregnancy, birth and breast feeding. Not helped by the terms”carrying “+a baby, or god forbid, we are pregnant.

a fathers role in pregnancy is limited to a contribution of just1 cell. All the other cells that the baby is born with develop in the uterus. The energy required to do that comes exclusively form the mother through her blood and placenta. Every milli gram of the skin, bones, muscles, organs and fat a baby is born with at roughly 7lb or so comes form the mothers body. Form her bones demineralising, form her fat reserves, from her hormones, for everything she eats, digests etc. effectively she has a, hopefully welcome, parasite growing in her for those 9 months. Her body also goes through Massive changes to prepare for birth- ligaments loosen, tendons weaken, the pelvis stretches , the heart and lung move up, the heart enlarges etc. and then if she doesn’t get hit with birthing injuries or a c-section, and decides to breast feed say 6 months, every milligram of that babies massive weight gain through those 6 months comes form the mothers body- continuing to demineralise, taking energy and nutrients form the mother.
A baby does not grow form 2 cells to 7lb magically form within itself. The energy and bulding blocks required are all provided by mother- nowt to do with the father at all. Similarly breast fed babies don’t gain weight magically - it’s nowt to do with the father even if he is giving bottles of pumped breast milk. All that energy comes form the mother.

we underestimate the toll that takes on mother all too often. Even those mothers themselves are supposed to bounce back in 2 weeks like nothing happened and that baby magically arrived fully formed with her effort and contribution being same as fathers.

so, yes, poster in that sense is right. Maternity leave is for mothers to recover, it is also to allow and encourage breast feeding until weening point. All too often people think it’s entirely for the benefit of the bay and therefore the dad can do the same thing as per paternity leave. But maternity leave is also for the mother to fully recover and that can take months even if she feels ok.

in my day maternity leave was 6 months. Felt about right in terms of getting baby just about weened, sleeping through night (though think it should be 8 for that really) , and for me to recover including form PND. So, I don’t think mums should sacrifice the first 6 months…but maybe after that it would be ok to split with paternity. At that points dads can contribute so much more in terms of feeding when baby is weened, helping routines like sleep etc.

not disgusting…it’s a very odd disruption to use.

Muscling in? A child has two parents, and each has equal right and responsibility to care for them.

As to the bizarre idea that we need months to recover from a normal, complication-free birth, that’s just silly. You are back to 95%+ of your normal capacity after only a few weeks.

Perhaps what he says about why he wants the leave might be interesting and whether he has any realistic understanding of what looking after a newborn involves? His entitlement will be set out by his employment contract together with whatever legislation that applies in your jurisdiction. Many men can be keen until the financial implications and the demands are clear. In the UK shared parental leave isn't always generous - ShPP is paid at the rate of £156.66 a week or 90% of your average weekly earnings, whichever is lower.

Do you really believe that it's beneficial for the mum to take as little leave as possible so the dad can get time with the baby. I could be wrong but I suspect this Dad thinks Mat Leave is all lunches and gentle pram pushing

@BuildersTeaMaker has written a very good post on what Pregnancy does to a womans body.

I'm sure even agency workers still get SMP, don't know what your circumstances are but I think it depends how long you have been working for the agency for?
Regarding your husband wanting to take parental leave too, I think that's great. There's a 'shared parental leave and pay' page on the gov website. It seems a bit complex and not something my partner and I did, but if he had said he wanted to, I would have loved that! Obviously you will probably need about 3 months off yourself once baby is born, I had a vaginal birth and it still took me 6 weeks just to recover, then you could have all the other things to get to grips with; bonding, breastfeeding etc..

It doesn’t sound like you’re very happy about this, OP. Why does he want to take “as much leave as possible”? Ask yourself his true motives, and his expectations.

My ex was very dismissive of caring for a baby. He told me it was “easy” and he’d be able to do lots of hobbies, etc In reality, he couldn’t cope. So, think of what’s best for baby too.

Who on earth has said she should take “as little time as possible” though?

And please, don’t try to tell me what pregnancy does to my body, I’ve been through it enough times to be pretty familiar with how it all works.

If a woman has ongoing issues then no-one’s suggesting shoving her out the door while she’s incontinent and in pain, but equally pretending that the father should back off for a year even when the wife is back running 10ks after a month is just ridiculous.

My husband is in a perm job - been there for 2 years and wants to take as much maternity leave as possible whilst I work.

For him to get as Much as Possible it is in effect saying she has to take as Little as Possible because of the way shared leave works.