Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Original poster

Husband wants to take my maternity leave

91 replies

Otishound · 24/08/2022 20:53

Massively confused….
1st baby on the way but cannot work out what we can claim.
I’m an Agency worker so I’m expecting not to be able to claim any maternity leave really. I’m currently saving to take 3x months out after the birth.

My husband is in a perm job - been there for 2 years and wants to take as much maternity leave as possible whilst I work.

Is anyone please able to give some clarity and if their husbands took maternity leave how much leave did they get, how was this paid and what were the rules….

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
hellosunshineagainx · 24/08/2022 21:31

Dinoteeth · 24/08/2022 21:08

Actually in a Factory job the mum must take 4 weeks off. It's one of the oldest pieces of employment law in the UK dating from about 1830.

I find it bonkers that nearly 200 years later women can be back at work in other places in less than 4 weeks.

I work for myself so for my second baby I can only afford to take 2 weeks off. There's lots of circumstances where we have no choice. I'm in the UK before you ask

Reluctantadult · 24/08/2022 21:32

dementedpixie · 24/08/2022 21:09

OP you need to qualify for maternity leave in order for your dh to take leave as essentially you cut your leave short to free up leave for him to take.

^^ this. Your husband/partner would be sharing your maternity leave.

Woofins · 24/08/2022 21:44

We did shared parental leave. I took about 5 months husband took 6 weeks. It worked well we now parent equally. I think it helped establish my husband as an equal patent realizing the work that goes into looking after a baby.
On maternity.. statutory is 6 weeks @90% pay I thought then something like £150 pw.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Employment advice Families General parenting
Goldbar · 24/08/2022 21:49

Shared parental leave is a great idea. Maternity leave often entrenches the woman as primary caregiver and that pattern continues when she goes back to work.

But maternity leave/parental leave should be funded by you both and you shouldn't be the only one saving for it.

tealandteal · 24/08/2022 21:56

Your post reads like you are not keen on your husband taking the leave, is that right? It should be a joint expense you both save for. Your husband needs to check his work policies about what he may be eligible for from them. If you qualify for maternity leave you can ‘give’ some of this to him.

Have you checked whether you can claim maternity allowance?

TooHotToTangoToo · 24/08/2022 22:26

Me and my dh took 50% each of maternity leave, but this was due to the amount of maternity pay we got through our employers, it was the best financial solution all round. YOU shouldn't have to pay for the mat leave you take, it should come out of the joint pot. It's a decision you both need to sit down and discuss

Sally872 · 24/08/2022 22:28

If you are only able to take 3 months then it might be a good idea for him to take time off after that. I think shared maternity is up to a year so wouldn't have to reduce your planned mat leave and could save some childcare costs as well as nice experience for dad too. Depends what he is entitled to from his employer.

Sunshine9356 · 24/08/2022 22:31

We did shared parental leave, I took the first 8 months and my DH the last four months. It meant I went back to work without us having the stress of nursery drop offs etc and my DH got time to bond with our DD. I think we have a much more equal relationship because of this.

I’d suggest checking both your employment contracts to make sure you come up with a plan that works for you both (and financially). There are lots of options with shared leave it doesn’t have to be taken in one big block.

canonlydoblue · 24/08/2022 22:34

My husband and I took shared parental leave concurrently. I had six months and he had the first three months of that. Pay was standard shpp so around £150 a week. It was lovely having him home for so long, especially as this was baby number six and he took on the lions share of caring for the other five (cooking, cleaning, school run, etc). It was a struggle financially though and we ended up taking a lot of money out of savings (I blame husband who viewed it as a three month holiday and took me out for lunch most days....)

Labgirl123 · 24/08/2022 22:38

My workplace offers 14 weeks at full pay to all parents…to take as and when they wish within the first year. This is on top of statutory maternity/paternity leave and government pay etc. All men in my workplace take it!!

Teenprobs · 24/08/2022 22:43

Otishound · 24/08/2022 20:53

Massively confused….
1st baby on the way but cannot work out what we can claim.
I’m an Agency worker so I’m expecting not to be able to claim any maternity leave really. I’m currently saving to take 3x months out after the birth.

My husband is in a perm job - been there for 2 years and wants to take as much maternity leave as possible whilst I work.

Is anyone please able to give some clarity and if their husbands took maternity leave how much leave did they get, how was this paid and what were the rules….

Unless you both qualify for Maternity and paternity you won't be able to do shared paternity leave, I'm 95 percent sure. He will get his 2 weeks paternity and you may be able to claim Maternity Allowance. Although just so you're aware if you need to claim UC, UC will take it all (MA) off your entitlement.

Schoolchoicesucks · 24/08/2022 22:55

To be eligible for shared paternity leave, then you have to be entitled.to maternity leave. Are you?

Is he expecting to get an enhanced payment over statutory? Many employers that offer enhanced maternity pay just pay statutory for shared parental pay, so do get him to check if you are banking on receiving more than the £155ish a week.

There is 9 months of pay in total that can be split if you are eligible.

Couldn't tell from your op whether you are happy for him to take shared parental leave or if you see it as taking something away from you.
It should be your choice. Can be great for the other parent to bond and be involved. And for employers to realise that it's not only women who may take extended leave. And for mothers who don't want to take long career breaks. But you shouldn't be coerced into curtailing your leave entitlement if you don't want to.

Firty · 24/08/2022 22:56

He wants you to be at work while he’s with the baby. What a selfish dick. Hopefully you’ll be breastfeeding for at least the first 6 months. Tell him to take parental leave when the baby is older (like 9 minths) if he wants, but that he should be covering household expenses while you look after the baby at first.

jossfletch · 24/08/2022 22:57

Shared maternity/paternity is so you both can take time to bond with the baby. Nothing wrong with that.

Beseen22 · 24/08/2022 23:14

Hold off before you make any decisions. As an agency worker if you have worked each week of your pregnancy you can potentially get SMP. There are a few caveats but make sure you get what you are entitled to.

www.gov.uk/agency-workers-your-rights/maternity-rights-for-agency-workers

antelopevalley · 24/08/2022 23:36

Shared maternity only works if your partner is prepared to be an equal parent, including housework and cooking. So if someone already does their equal share, fine. If they do not it is unlikely to work.

ZoeQ90 · 25/08/2022 04:18

The current shared parental leave system is awful because the way it is setup, a women has to officially 'stop ' maternity leave and 'give' time to her partner. Which just encourages the disgusting attitudes some have shown on here that men are 'taking women's leave' and shouldn't get any time anyway. As though there is no benefit to both parents having time off with baby.
We need a system where there is dedicated time only the non-birthing partner can take.

YRGAM · 25/08/2022 08:47

MolliciousIntent · 24/08/2022 21:04

We did shared parental leave. It's very simple. You have to take the first two weeks of the child's life, and then between the two of you, you have 50 weeks to split how you like. 39 weeks are paid (at about 150 a week if I recall) but your employers may choose to top you up if they wish. You can take it in chunks, or together, and you can go back to work and then take more leave later. For example, we did it as follows...

DD1: I took 4 months, then DH took 4 months, I then took 2 more months (while teacher DH was on summer hols). We both went back to work when DD was 10m.

DD2: I took 5 months, then technically went back to work but took 5 weeks AL while DH was on summer hols. I'm going back to work next week, having been out 6 months, and DH will take the next 4 months off. We'll both be working again when she's 11m.

Honestly, its been utterly brilliant. It establishes both of you as equal parents right from the start. And it gives your DH the chance to really enjoy his baby. I would seriously recommend it.

I'd echo this from the male side, I took 3 months of SPL with our son (DW 9 months) and it was great. I'd do it again in a heartbeat if there's another one

Dinoteeth · 25/08/2022 09:45

Taking time at the end may make financial sense if the Dad will get paid but Mum is down to zero income and it avoids nursery a bit longer.
But ultimately the Mum should be prioritised so she gets time to recover from the birth.

I'd question the balance in any relationship where Mum was back at work within 3 months while Dad was at home.

blebbleb · 25/08/2022 09:49

NoToLandfill · 24/08/2022 21:11

Maternity leave is actually for the mother to recovery from pregnancy and the birth. To establish breastfeeding and build a bond as the primary care giver for her baby.

Shared parental leave ie dads taking up the maternity leave is mean imo. Taking a mum away from her baby earlier than necessary. Dads muscling in on the time that should be for mum and baby. Some can find it takes months to recover. It's not all floating around to coffee mornings for us all. But it is for dads as they didn't do the pregnancy or birth part.

I hope you can afford to take the time you need with your new baby

I agree. It may seem backward to some people but it's the mother who goes through childbirth, hormonal changes, breastfeeding and often physical and emotional trauma. Why should dad get time off?

Dinoteeth · 25/08/2022 09:52

I can see a logic to Dad taking time off when it is beneficial to them both as a couple. But the priority should always be the Mum.

AntlerRose · 25/08/2022 09:53

Shared parental leave is great.

Please ensure you give yourself physically time to recover from the birth and also remember you might need some time off before the birth - its not unheard off to need 4 weeks before birth due to health issues. Whilst you only have to take 2 weeks leave after birth, remember that you might need 6 to recover from surgery or other complications.

johnd2 · 25/08/2022 10:06

Some of the responses on this thread show how much sexism is rampant still. We're in 2022 not 1922!
You are both parents, please start as you mean to go on. If your ambition is to be equal parents you must decide TOGETHER how the 50 weeks shared parental leave is to be split.

TooHotToTangoToo · 25/08/2022 10:07

Why should dad get time off?

To bond with the baby
Mum feels it's not 'all left to her'
Less negative impact on career for women
Life satisfaction for Dad
More involved in child rearing
The child benefits from having a good bond with both parents
Increases Dads confidence

The list goes on. Some Dads want as much time with their children as the Mum does believe it or not, and why shouldn't they get it? The woman needs maternity leave to recover from the birth and all the above, but it doesn't make it 'her' maternity leave, it's each parents maternity leave and what's best for the baby