New mum struggling

[usagimoon]

Hi, I've found myself reading mumsnet threads for ages just finding anyone who feels the way I feel right now and thought I would start my own! I just typed this all out and lost the post argh!!

I'm a new mum to a 3 week old girl, I love her so much it hurts. Pregnancy was breeze, labour was intense but okay.
Once I was home, I felt super chilled, in a newborn bubble, she didn't really cry, although I found breastfeeding quite hard, I felt chained to the sofa etc but once I realised this is normal, I embraced it. I had a few tears and wobbles but I was pretty calm and chill.
Last week I had to go to hospital for 24hours as I had a massive bleed, I feel this was the start of the set back, I was prescribed anti biotics incase of infection.
Fast forward to now, 3 weeks in, I feel like im crumbling.
I feel guilty for even feeling like this! She's starting to get really bad gas, not sleeping, crying alot in the day, feeding non stop, getting angry and fussy at the Breast, I feel like I was nailing breast feeding and I'm back at square one. Finding myself daydreaming about just packing it in and using formula but I know I don't want to do that
She's also developed a really sore bum, she's pooing constantly and full of gas, her bum is red and angry, I took her to the GP who said it was like an acid burn from all the pooing she is doing possibly from my antibiotics, bto stop using water wipes, use cotton wool and water and the Bethpathen.
I feel like a failure as it breaks my heart to see it. I changed her nappy brand just in case the pampers were inflaming it. I feel so responsible and just feel awful about it.
She's crying a lot in the day and I'm finding it so hard. It breaks my heart.
I've cried every day this week, when she cries, I cry. I feel useless, my mum has been staying here this week and I feel like she's judging my parenting when I know deep down she isn't. My partner had been amazing, really helpful and supportive with everything, helps with everything minus being able to feed obviously!
I just feel down, I want the first week bliss back, I feel anxious, I'm scared I'll get PND, I want to feel confident with what im doing etc.
People told me it's hard but I'm finding it REALLY hard. When baby wees when I'm changing her nappy for example and it goes on her clothes and I have to change her again I struggle. I struggle having to wind her and she's crying in what seems like pain. I just feel responsible :(
Just a rant really, my first post explained this all better tbh!

Adding to this - I'm also overwhelming myself by obsessively reading advice threads on different topics, like quitting dairy for the gas issue, don't drink fizzy water, use certain creams for the rash, and my brain is frying! I used metnium ? Before I went to the gp and it got even more red and angry! :(
I promised myself I wouldn't do this and would just follow my intuition etc! Gahhh

Hi I didn't want to read and run hopefully someone will be along soon with more knowledge then me. Please be kind to your self being a new mam is hard no matter what happens . I am also just a new mam who wants to go with the flow but babies don't go with the flow they are unpredictable. I cant comment on EBF as I bottle I chose to bottle as my baby is IVF I was sick of people prodding and poking me all the time I love that my partner can take over and give me a breather. If you on antibiotics and had a big bleed you need to take care of your self and take it easy as your body been through alot. You done all the right things regarding your little ones sore bum you have taken her to docs so follow what they say also I do naked time with my little one gets the air to it. This is just a blip in your motherhood journey remember the lovely days you had there will be more to come . We all have bad days and good I remember mine getting a horrible cold at 4 weeks and me feeling like the worse mam in the world. Please be kind to yourself nobody's judging you. Xxx

Hi OP congratulations on your baby!
First off your are Not the worst mum!

Around 3 weeks is often a growth spurt & baby will increase supply by "putting their order in". This can be - crying at the breast / lots of latching & unlatching / punching the boob. The 1st time it happens it can definitely make you feel like you are failing!
I recommend following the below if you have Facebook
www.facebook.com/LMJinfantfeeding

Wind also seems quite common if you look at Due July 2022 thread 7 you'll see lots of us have had to deal with windy babies recently! Some have had to use infacol some have resolved themselves.
The trapped wind cry is heartbreaking! The only thing I found helped was burping mid-feed & standing up with baby in my arms & walking & bouncing at the same time.

With the nappy rash my baby got a really sore bum during the july heatwave. It got better as the heat died down a bit & I made sure I was slathering on the nappy cream as before I was putting on a thin layer.
Also you can have them nappy free to air dry just lie them on a towel in case they poo/wee.

Oh hun I was you about 5 weeks ago..

It's fucking hard. Week 3 my little one has horrible gas, barely slept and cried all the time.
Then things were back to that newborn bliss until Week 6 happend. That was the worst week of my life. I felt hopeless cried endlessly as baby was cranky, wouldn't sleep, seemed to hate me touching him and literally only wanted to feed -but would then cry with wind because he was taking so much.

I actually at one point sat on the floor crying/screaming telling my partner I couldn't do this. Hysterically

Baby is getting used to their digestive systems and used to everything in general like how to poo, pee, breathe and live in the outside world. They can only cry to communicate so will a lot in those first weeks. You sound like an excellent mum and are doing nothing wrong.

I'm currently sat here cradling my 10 week old while he smiles at me and those days seem like years ago. The confidence will come day by day and you wont even notice those things anymore Like the changing. I totally get that. I too got emotional when I changed baby and had to change again. Today he pood then peed in my face and I had to change his outfit 3 times In a row. I was just laughing through it.

Do speak to your GP re PND if you are worried but will get easier. It may get harder sometimes then easier then harder but I promise you it will get easier, you will get more confidence and you won't always feel like this.

So much love your way. I know exactly how you feel

Xx

Thank you everyone so much, honestly it makes me feel not alone!

Ps - I'll reply properly when hopefully I've had a bit of sleep!

It’s so so hard. What you describe is really common though. Newborns tend to ‘wake up’ at the 3ish week mark. They become aware of the world, which leads to more overtiredness and overstimulation and with it, a lot
more fussiness and crying. They hit all kinds of growth spurts and cluster feeding starts, which causes them to be even more overtired and grumpy. In my experience, this behaviour peaks at about 6-8 weeks (looking back, i think all my DS did at 6 weeks was cry, breastfeed or not nap) before getting better. I think anyone who had a magical newborn experience really should count their blessings!

Its so easy to say with hindsight, but try and tell yourself the crying is no reflection on you. It’s the only way she knows how to display her needs. It’s nothing you are doing wrong. It really will get better x

You are not the worst mum! I remember at that stage my baby had silent reflux and I would sit crying exhausted as she screamed the house down at 3am. It seems eternity ago now but at the time I just wanted to hide somewhere.

I don't have much knowledge on the gas, but make sure you are eating enough- your baby is probably cluster feeding and will get annoyed if your milk isn't fatty enough- I got told off by my midwife as I wasn't eating enough fatty/ calorie full foods.

I found sudocrem was a good barrier cream when rashes were really bad- when they go to the loo so often it's hard to know though! Their skin toughens up- mine had horrid rashes but with lots of changing and cream it slowly went away.

You are doing a great job- your perfect baby sounds like most newborns- beautiful and lovely but usually come with a string of their own complaints that make the mums cry and feel crap!

You're going great. So difficult when they struggle with their tummys.

For the bum, I wanted to recommend trying sudocrem. I had similar problems and babies bum was red raw, I was using bethpanthen. My friend said to switch and that helped.

Oh mum's guilt is the worst, you tend to blame yourself for everything that brings discomfort to your baby. I cried the other day during my baby's 8 week immunisation as I wasn't holding her leg (nurse didn't tell me) and she was asleep but as soon as needle went in her thighs she woke up and moved, so nurse had to poke her twice on one side😢She still has a bruise on her thigh and I blame myself for that. I blamed myself for her not pooing for 6 days in her 1st week, coz she is on combined feeding and I was taking iron supplements, which may cause constipation. I blamed myself for not having proper nipple on my right breast, which could have helped her latch better at the beginning. I blamed myself for not producing enough breast milk and giving her formula. The list goes on...

As for some tips for what we have done with:
• colics - we do bicycle exercise and other similar exercises too + a gentle tummy massage. Tummy time helps a bit with a wind too.
• latching- my baby would not latch on my right breast for a long time. She would scream and cry every time I would offer it to her, so I had to pump on it to keep up with the supply.
• rash- I try to wash her bum at least once during the day and have naked time (like other mums mentioned here) and use bepanthen, if necessary, which works well for us. There nothing like water to combat rash, I have done it with my 1st and we almost never had rash problem. In your case, if your baby is pooing ever so often and you taking antibiotics makes her poo acidic, you could try to wash her bum every time she poops, say for a week, to see if it changes things. For naked time we use pampers's disposable changing mats, you can buy them in Tesco's (12 mats for £5), they are great.
• feeding- I have noticed that babies do change their feeding pattern, like she would eat more some periods and less in other, so don't worry as it's completely normal that your baby has changed in how much she wants to eats.
Good luck and remember that you are doing great and you are not alone in your "bumpy" journey as a mum to a newborn😉😊

Hi op, congratulations on your baby!

I just wanted to add to PP that infacol did nothing for my dd but Dentinox colic drops were a godsend. So if you do try one and it doesn’t do anything, try the other.
Also I had so many people tell me that EBF babies don’t get gas. Ignore that! They absolutely do, my DD is a very gassy baby. The most common reason for her to get fussy at the breast is because she’s gassy.
When I was where you are I wrote a post about feeling tied to the sofa and was overwhelmed with people telling me how normal that is. Don’t feel guilty about not doing enough etc, just relax and enjoy as much as you can.
I don’t know much about the bum issue, my DD is 6 months old now and never had nappy rash until last week when it was super hot weather so that probably isn’t helping.
Hope you feel better soon, mumsnet is an amazing place for support but also try to limit how much time you spend here. You’ll go crazy!

@usagimoon hi I have a 4 week old and can relate to some of your post

My baby has become quite unsettled and crying - I'm formula feeding and don't have any advice on the bum situation but I can sympathise with the gas issues

Also I'm here if you want to talk - I feel this can be quite lonely

We are still recovering from childbirth remember
I also had a big bleed and had to have 2 blood transfusions and now on iron tablets

Have you had your iron levels tested? X

It’s so hard isn’t. You’re not alone though and things will get easier.
for gas I use gripe water (I think baby needs to be 1 month+) it really helps tho.
For burping, some techniques work better than others. Depends on your baby so play around with them all and you will soon find one that works the best. For weeks I was patting my baby’s back waiting for a burp, until I realised a stomach massage was much more effective for him.
Re breastfeeding. Yep it’s so so so hard, but again, it does get easier. You could feed baby in an upright position, this will also help with gas.
if you are feeling really overwhelmed and would like a break, pls don’t hesitate to try bottle feeding. If it means saving your sanity, it’s worth it. Plenty of mamas introduce one bottle a day and continue breastfeeding successfully.
i felt the exact same about being judged by your mum (except in my case it was my sister) maybe you would feel better just having some one on one time with your baby in another room? And mum can help by tidying up or cooking you food. Don’t be afraid to ask.
as for the bum situation, I haven’t dealt with that but when my baby’s goes a bit red I always do A LOT of nappy free time. Like 10 minutes X 6 times a day. Make sure to put a towel down!
try and get out for a walk everyday.

Sorry you’re finding it hard OP. Weeks 2-8 were very hard IME, for the first couple of weeks they are still very sleepy and can lull you into a false sense of security, but from 2 weeks onwards they often become a little ‘colicky’ and struggle with wind and just being a baby in general. Both my babies were very colicky and refluxy, it was utterly hellish but it was thankfully very short-lived. As we came out of the 4th trimester they were much more settled. You are in the thick of it now but it will honestly get easier with every passing week.

Oh you poor thing. My baby is 6w now and very much in the fussy phase but Week 3 was so hard, I remember my skin absolutely crawling from the extended feeding.

With her bum, I’d recommend cotton wool or something like reusable Cheeky Wipes. My baby still poops 6+ times a day (each feed) and we’ve staved off nappy rash by only using water. The Cheeky Wipes also clean really well, much better than wipes. I’m sure there’s other brands too.

She’s also windy as they come despite EBF and hiccups furiously at least once a day. Burping after each breast seems to help & massage/bicycle legs elicits big farts when she’s really struggling.

Also, with the crying, we found Tiger in the Tree hold helped a lot. She also calmed down if we took her for a drive when things had gone really wrong.

Thank you! I shall check out all these options. I was told breastfed babies don't need burping which I'm now realising is a load of tosh!
With the cheeky wipes, which ones do you go for? I just had a look and there's cotton, terry cloth, premium etc and my brain is already frying 😂 they look really good though!

Thank you so much, yes she was so chilled and sleepy the first few weeks, definitely a false sense of security hehe!

Thank you! She definitely led us into a false sense of security as she was so chilled and sleepy! It's very reassuring that it will all pass x

Aww this was also me early on! Very much thinking I'm bossing being a new mum and then all of a sudden you can't seem to settle her and your boobs are really sore from all the constant feeding. Lots of tears from both of us.
Generally in my experience it's always milk they are after early on! Your boobs are trying to catch up to what your baby needs milk wise and it's really hard. I remember trying everything to try settle her at one point and being so upset about not being able to satisfy her. Just keep putting her on the boob, even though it hurts, it will pass. & use lansinoh nipple cream once every feed finishes and don't worry about her digesting it because she's only just came off, it's perfectly digestible.
Oh and being fussy at the breast, my girl still does this and it does tend to be wind. I have to sit her up regularly to burp during feeds.
Is there any help you can get for breastfeeding as I wouldn't have got through it without support.
My girl is now just gone 3 months old and I can't tell you how proud I am of myself and her, especially getting through the breastfeeding problems - there was many! Honestly breastfeeding is the best thing in the world, if your determined enough you can do it, it is very difficult to begin with and tying. It does get much easier and enjoyable.
Sorry to go on about the breastfeeding so much, but it really was the root of my problems for a while.
The changing of nappies and weeing, you will get the hang of this, hiccups do happen though it's normal! Once I open my girls nappy I leave it for a couple of mins to see if she does anything once the air gets to it. Also, feel their nappy to see if it's warm, if it's not expect a wee when changing lol.
You can do this mama, everything will get so much better!!! I promise xxx

Thank you lovely - I think I definitely need to be kinder to myself! I really appreciate your reply. I'm going to try more off time with the nappy etc. it all feels like such a whirlwind!

Thank you! I have followed that page now! When it was super hot last week was when the rash started actually so maybe it was a combination of everything not helping . It looks awful poor little girl :( :(

Also we are trying the infacol, im just terrible at remembered to use it at every feed!

That definitely sounds like me yesterday, I was in total despair and felt like absolute crap, then felt so useless that I felt that way.
Thank you for sharing your experience, I'm so glad I reached out on here! I'm so glad it's getting easier for you now, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel ❤️❤️

Thank you! Yes her little eyes are everywhere you can see her absorbing everything like a sponge!
It must be really overwhelming for her :(