Page 3 | New mum struggling

usagimoon · 2022-08-20T19:03:34+00:00

Hi, I've found myself reading mumsnet threads for ages just finding anyone who feels the way I feel right now and thought I would start my own! I just typed this all out and lost the post argh!! I'm a new mum to a 3 week old girl, I love her so much it hurts. Pregnancy was breeze, labour was intense but okay. Once I was home, I felt super chilled, in a newborn bubble, she didn't really cry, although I found breastfeeding quite hard, I felt chained to the sofa etc but once I realised this is normal, I embraced it. I had a few tears and wobbles but I was pretty calm and chill. Last week I had to go to hospital for 24hours as I had a massive bleed, I feel this was the start of the set back, I was prescribed anti biotics incase of infection. Fast forward to now, 3 weeks in, I feel like im crumbling. I feel guilty for even feeling like this! She's starting to get really bad gas, not sleeping, crying alot in the day, feeding non stop, getting angry and fussy at the Breast, I feel like I was nailing breast feeding and I'm back at square one. Finding myself daydreaming about just packing it in and using formula but I know I don't want to do that She's also developed a really sore bum, she's pooing constantly and full of gas, her bum is red and angry, I took her to the GP who said it was like an acid burn from all the pooing she is doing possibly from my antibiotics, bto stop using water wipes, use cotton wool and water and the Bethpathen. I feel like a failure as it breaks my heart to see it. I changed her nappy brand just in case the pampers were inflaming it. I feel so responsible and just feel awful about it. She's crying a lot in the day and I'm finding it so hard. It breaks my heart. I've cried every day this week, when she cries, I cry. I feel useless, my mum has been staying here this week and I feel like she's judging my parenting when I know deep down she isn't. My partner had been amazing, really helpful and supportive with everything, helps with everything minus being able to feed obviously! I just feel down, I want the first week bliss back, I feel anxious, I'm scared I'll get PND, I want to feel confident with what im doing etc. People told me it's hard but I'm finding it REALLY hard. When baby wees when I'm changing her nappy for example and it goes on her clothes and I have to change her again I struggle. I struggle having to wind her and she's crying in what seems like pain. I just feel responsible :( Just a rant really, my first post explained this all better tbh!

Original poster

usagimoon · 27/08/2022 18:10

suzyscat · 24/08/2022 16:20

Awww love it's okay. I had a breezey start and then sudden gear change. It's okay.

Metanium (the yellow cream) is miraculous for sore bums (and sun burn, bites and stings all sorts, but was a game changer for bums.)

Make sure you're getting lots of skin to skin and as much rest as possible.

It's hot atm and looking to get hotter so consider just leaving LO in a nappy a lot of the time when indoors and save the bother of clothe changes and washes.

EBF can be very hard at first and you just do what's right for you. One of mine had a period of formula top ups and tbh I found the bottle sterilising and prep a lot harder.

Cosleeping meant I didn't have to get out of bed and I actually felt much safer with my kids close (I wasn't anticipating this at all, but luckily had a very pro cosleeping HV first time around.)

Motherhood is overwhelming and exhausting and there's a million things to Google.

Have you tired gripe water or infacol?

You could try removing dairy from your diet for 3 weeks, with my youngest I stopped dairy, soya, gluten and egg for 3 weeks and it massively helped. It later transpired they had a mild allergy but grew out of it by school age.) Anything longer than 3 weeks and I'd suggest discussing it with your GP though.

Also Google the 4th trimester and try and bed in. If your mum is around and OH is hands on then just stay in bed and maybe the bath or the sofa as much as possible. Even if you can't catch up on sleep try to rest. Could one of them get LO ready if you fancied a walk? Then you only have to get yourself out. The first month or two is such a baptism of fire.

Skin to skin, rest and breath feeding is all really good for stimulating hormones and connections. Good luck

Thank you! Tbh I've not had a day in bed since all this, i come downstairs etc etc, but a day in bed then perhaps a bath when she naps or something sounds like bliss! I just have this guilt thing in my head that I'm lazy! As all I'm doing is literally feeding, changing, washing etc
I'm super stubborn which doesn't help!
Mum has gone home now, I'm finding myself getting moody at my partner now as he's getting more sleep than me and I feel a bit resentful, even though he cooks, cleans up, changes nappies when I ask, dresses her, will take her when I'm eating dinner etc etc. I've been a bit snappy!

OP posts:

Original poster

usagimoon · 27/08/2022 18:12

suzyscat · 24/08/2022 16:20

Awww love it's okay. I had a breezey start and then sudden gear change. It's okay.

Metanium (the yellow cream) is miraculous for sore bums (and sun burn, bites and stings all sorts, but was a game changer for bums.)

Make sure you're getting lots of skin to skin and as much rest as possible.

It's hot atm and looking to get hotter so consider just leaving LO in a nappy a lot of the time when indoors and save the bother of clothe changes and washes.

EBF can be very hard at first and you just do what's right for you. One of mine had a period of formula top ups and tbh I found the bottle sterilising and prep a lot harder.

Cosleeping meant I didn't have to get out of bed and I actually felt much safer with my kids close (I wasn't anticipating this at all, but luckily had a very pro cosleeping HV first time around.)

Motherhood is overwhelming and exhausting and there's a million things to Google.

Have you tired gripe water or infacol?

You could try removing dairy from your diet for 3 weeks, with my youngest I stopped dairy, soya, gluten and egg for 3 weeks and it massively helped. It later transpired they had a mild allergy but grew out of it by school age.) Anything longer than 3 weeks and I'd suggest discussing it with your GP though.

Also Google the 4th trimester and try and bed in. If your mum is around and OH is hands on then just stay in bed and maybe the bath or the sofa as much as possible. Even if you can't catch up on sleep try to rest. Could one of them get LO ready if you fancied a walk? Then you only have to get yourself out. The first month or two is such a baptism of fire.

Skin to skin, rest and breath feeding is all really good for stimulating hormones and connections. Good luck

Also I have tried infacol, but not gripe water I think as they have to be 4 weeks old to have it could be wrong though! (She's 4 weeks today!)
I'm veggie and funnily enough went back to oat milk and vegan yogurt etc (was having full fat milk at the end of my pregnancy as was craving it) and she seems to be a bit less windy since I've done this.. I'm still eating a bit of cheese though so who knows!

OP posts:

WH52 · 27/08/2022 20:02

Aww I went through all those emotions and feelings when I was at your stage! You’re doing a great job by the sounds of things just with all the things you’re trying! My now 5 month old DD was very much like you describe when she was that age. She “woke up” from her newborn sleepiness at 2 weeks old and she was very fussy, wouldn’t be put down, had terrible wind etc etc, and I was formula feeding!
I found that if I was having trouble getting her to burp, it helped sometimes to put her down onto her back for 5 mins or so, maybe do a nappy change during that time or put a towel down and let her have some nappy off time. Then lift and try burping again and the gas bubbles have moved a little. Around the 10 week mark we noticed her fussy phase gradually starting to pass, I think she began to be able to see better around then and was able to amuse herself better under her play gym etc.
I too always forgot the Infacol, so I kept the bottle of it sitting up on the mantelpiece as that’s what I was sitting facing when I was feeding her, so it reminded me.
This time will pass by so quickly, you’ve got this

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/08/2022 20:06

This is your first baby and you’re just learning so go east on yourself. With my second I never let the crying bother me and regret how anxious I felt first time found. Go easy on yourself. You have good family support. Eat well and try to get out sometimes too for a walk to clear those broken bottles, was the great advice from my health visitor. Xx

sweeetpotatoes · 27/08/2022 20:12

Try the yellow nappy ointment, metanium. It's not intended for constant use but for actual nappy rash, it clears it up quickly.
Once it's clear, use a barrier cream like bepanthen or sudocrem for every nappy change.

Cece92 · 27/08/2022 20:14

It's been a while for me but I remember at around 3 weeks my daughter had a stage with gas and wind too. She was combo fed and it was a shock because she was the most chilled baby until this stage. I lasted a few days and I remember sitting at night crying because I thought I broke her 🤦🏻‍♀️ I hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself. You are doing amazing job xx

Original poster

usagimoon · 29/08/2022 02:36

WH52 · 27/08/2022 20:02

Aww I went through all those emotions and feelings when I was at your stage! You’re doing a great job by the sounds of things just with all the things you’re trying! My now 5 month old DD was very much like you describe when she was that age. She “woke up” from her newborn sleepiness at 2 weeks old and she was very fussy, wouldn’t be put down, had terrible wind etc etc, and I was formula feeding!
I found that if I was having trouble getting her to burp, it helped sometimes to put her down onto her back for 5 mins or so, maybe do a nappy change during that time or put a towel down and let her have some nappy off time. Then lift and try burping again and the gas bubbles have moved a little. Around the 10 week mark we noticed her fussy phase gradually starting to pass, I think she began to be able to see better around then and was able to amuse herself better under her play gym etc.
I too always forgot the Infacol, so I kept the bottle of it sitting up on the mantelpiece as that’s what I was sitting facing when I was feeding her, so it reminded me.
This time will pass by so quickly, you’ve got this

Sounds so so similar! I'm so glad I started this thread as it's made me realise how normal all this is!
Great idea having the infacol in a more prominent place!

OP posts:

Original poster

usagimoon · 29/08/2022 02:36

AthenaPopodopolous · 27/08/2022 20:06

This is your first baby and you’re just learning so go east on yourself. With my second I never let the crying bother me and regret how anxious I felt first time found. Go easy on yourself. You have good family support. Eat well and try to get out sometimes too for a walk to clear those broken bottles, was the great advice from my health visitor. Xx

Thank you so much xx

OP posts:

Original poster

usagimoon · 29/08/2022 02:38

Cece92 · 27/08/2022 20:14

It's been a while for me but I remember at around 3 weeks my daughter had a stage with gas and wind too. She was combo fed and it was a shock because she was the most chilled baby until this stage. I lasted a few days and I remember sitting at night crying because I thought I broke her 🤦🏻‍♀️ I hope you feel better soon. Be kind to yourself. You are doing amazing job xx

Thank you 🥺 there have been so many tears, it's hard isn't it when you feel so responsible! Thank you for your words of encouragement xx

OP posts:

Scottishskifun · 29/08/2022 03:01

Vitamin drops with a prebiotic can help tummies there are multiple available.

I found tag teaming with my DH helped in the evenings, I would go to bed around 7/8ish and DH would have baby downstairs with some expressed milk so I could get a sleep in for a few hours. Or if not wanting to give expressed milk just have them downstairs and comfort them for the time if possible.

I also stopped thinking of the night as sleep time and just thought of sleep and aimed for naps. It really is a small thing but then I wasn't anxious about not getting sleep as if I got a 2 hour nap in that was good followed by another 2 hours etc etc

The windiness does tend to pass by about 8 weeks for many but it is super tough. Your doing brilliantly!

SassyPants87 · 29/08/2022 03:44

Oh OP I was literally in exactly the same position as you a year ago. Even the sore bum!!
I promise you it will absolutely all get better! As previous posters have said 3 ish weeks they have a growth spurt/cluster feed. It won’t last forever! They are just working to increase demand and supply. In regards to sore bum keep on at the docs! If the rash has been there a while it could have turned fungal which needs anti fungal cream but the thing I found helped the most was I ditched wipes and used cotton wool balls with cool boiled water. Lots of nappy free time but this meant I had to sit on the bathroom floor to feed her with her bottom half stripped down as she did a poo ALL THE TIME! I also used a very thin layer of yellow metanium to help heal the skin (get this it’s a god send).
you are honestly doing an amazing job, it’s so relentless and ticking hard but you’ve got this and it will get better

Original poster

usagimoon · 29/08/2022 12:53

Scottishskifun · 29/08/2022 03:01

Vitamin drops with a prebiotic can help tummies there are multiple available.

I found tag teaming with my DH helped in the evenings, I would go to bed around 7/8ish and DH would have baby downstairs with some expressed milk so I could get a sleep in for a few hours. Or if not wanting to give expressed milk just have them downstairs and comfort them for the time if possible.

I also stopped thinking of the night as sleep time and just thought of sleep and aimed for naps. It really is a small thing but then I wasn't anxious about not getting sleep as if I got a 2 hour nap in that was good followed by another 2 hours etc etc

The windiness does tend to pass by about 8 weeks for many but it is super tough. Your doing brilliantly!

Thank you! That advice about not seeing nights as sleep time is actually great advice, takes the pressure off.
Funnily enough I've just bought a prebiotic for her! I really want to express, need to get a pump! I think I have nipple thrush atm on top of everything gaaahhh, so when I hear from gp about that and get it cleared a pump is the next call of action!!

OP posts:

Original poster

usagimoon · 29/08/2022 12:54

SassyPants87 · 29/08/2022 03:44

Oh OP I was literally in exactly the same position as you a year ago. Even the sore bum!!
I promise you it will absolutely all get better! As previous posters have said 3 ish weeks they have a growth spurt/cluster feed. It won’t last forever! They are just working to increase demand and supply. In regards to sore bum keep on at the docs! If the rash has been there a while it could have turned fungal which needs anti fungal cream but the thing I found helped the most was I ditched wipes and used cotton wool balls with cool boiled water. Lots of nappy free time but this meant I had to sit on the bathroom floor to feed her with her bottom half stripped down as she did a poo ALL THE TIME! I also used a very thin layer of yellow metanium to help heal the skin (get this it’s a god send).
you are honestly doing an amazing job, it’s so relentless and ticking hard but you’ve got this and it will get better

Thank you! ❤️

OP posts:

Dannybx · 01/09/2022 19:38

oh my goodness your words could have been me when my little one was born. Mumsnet became a bit of a go to for advice (no mum of my own to talk to). Sending you warm hugs. Those naughty hormones probably aren’t helping the situation either. Hope that you are feeling better today, but if you aren’t please don’t feel like ‘should’ this newborn phase is tough. I took each day by task snacking - so feeding baby is one snack, changing nappy is another rather than staring the barrel of the whole day to get through. For the sore bum try a bit of breast milk! X

Overeggedit · 02/09/2022 23:05

I have not posted on Mumsnet for years, but I just saw your post and wanted to say WELL DONE. You are an amazing mum and doing a fantastic job. I’ve no useful advice, but I remember it is so hard those early weeks, and that’s ok, and your lovely baby knows she has a wonderful mum xx

Original poster

usagimoon · 04/09/2022 06:23

Dannybx · 01/09/2022 19:38

oh my goodness your words could have been me when my little one was born. Mumsnet became a bit of a go to for advice (no mum of my own to talk to). Sending you warm hugs. Those naughty hormones probably aren’t helping the situation either. Hope that you are feeling better today, but if you aren’t please don’t feel like ‘should’ this newborn phase is tough. I took each day by task snacking - so feeding baby is one snack, changing nappy is another rather than staring the barrel of the whole day to get through. For the sore bum try a bit of breast milk! X

Thank you so much x

OP posts:

Original poster

usagimoon · 04/09/2022 06:23

Overeggedit · 02/09/2022 23:05

I have not posted on Mumsnet for years, but I just saw your post and wanted to say WELL DONE. You are an amazing mum and doing a fantastic job. I’ve no useful advice, but I remember it is so hard those early weeks, and that’s ok, and your lovely baby knows she has a wonderful mum xx

This made me well up tbh lol, thank you so much x

OP posts:

strawbereysummer19 · 17/09/2022 03:12

Yeah @usagimoon .hi lovely how are things? X

Original poster

usagimoon · 17/09/2022 18:29

strawbereysummer19 · 17/09/2022 03:12

Yeah @usagimoon .hi lovely how are things? X

Hi! I'm really happy to say I feel so much better since I posted this, she's 7 weeks now and I feel the past few weeks the fog has cleared and I'm much more into the swing of things! She's less windy, and is a super chilled little baby! It's still of course a huge adjustment but I'm feeling so much better and much more relaxed :) thanks for asking! X

OP posts:

New mum struggling

Interested in this thread?