Rudest thing your DC has said that they genuinely didn't know was rude

[newmum32]

So DH and I are having dinner tonight with DS1 (11) and DS2 (8). DS2 was telling a looong story that I truly don't remember what it was about because as 8 yr olds like to do, he had been telling the story for such a long time, I'd zoned out! I was rudely jerked into awareness by this sentence from DS1 to DS2: "..... and then I'll teabag him..."!!! What??! My perfect bite of baby potato, lettuce and chicken fell off my fork!!
DS1 clocked mine and DH's reactions and was like 'What??' I asked him what he thought that word meant and he said 'Isn't it crouching over someone? "
My reaction was 'Well, that's one way of looking at it, but it's a really really rude thing to say."
I then tried to be all grown up while DH was telling him to not ever say it again but half way through it I started giggling (with DS2 going: 'What's rude or funny about teabags??") and couldn't stop for ages! DH joined in after a while with both boys looking at us as if we'd gone crazy!!
I'm looking forward to being a fly on the wall when DH explains it to him!!

When one of my DS was about 8 I heard him singing at the top of his voice "left my bag in San Francisco at.some mother fucking disco"! Brilliant!

These are great. I have two.

DS was very proud of having learnt to read quite well. We were at the park near school (he was quite little). Someone had written graffiti on one of the benches. His friend said ‘why has someone written ‘buck’ on the bench’. In a very proud and loud voice he ‘yelled’ ‘it doesn’t say buck does it mummy it says fuck’ 😳

The other was me. We had a shop, took delivery of some fancy new hairspray. I was about six. The typeface was like handwritten script. I announced (again loudly - the boy takes after me) ‘ooh, orgasmic hairspray’! I’m the youngest of a large family. They laughed at me a lot, my big sis said she hoped it was and I had no idea why. Apparently it was very lovely ORGANIC stuff 🤣

Howling.😂

A nephew when playing 'Tig' pronounced it as 'Dick'. Hours of fun with him chasing people shouting 'Dick! Dick, you're it! I Dicked you!'

This morning two year old DS started shouting DICK, DICK MUMMY! Turned out baby DS2 had been sick!

I volunteered for a dog rehoming charity locally to us. I was going out to the main site one day and was about to get in my car when my eight year old DS shouted very loudly down our leafy, semi rural village road ‘have fun dogging mama, bye bye’. Lovely thought darling! Not really my scene but great thought… I’ve saved that one in my ‘embarrass the kids’ memory bank!

We were out as a family at the local bowling centre where they had one those grabber machines with toys. It was quiet, there were only a handful of children in the building and there was a group of young adults. Included in the toys in the grabber machine was a number of plush beaver toys each holding a purse with the words "tight beaver" on it. A couple of the young men were trying to win one these toys and were reasonably successful in getting other toys which they passed to the children who were around. My youngest who was about 6 was delighted to have a teddy and came running over to show us and asked in a piercing voice "Why does that man really want a tight beaver?"

We were having dinner on holiday a few years ago and just as the waiter came to take our order my son shouted “my dad had a massive willy”! To this day I have no idea why he shouted it, my husband was both embarrassed and happy that he hadn’t shouted that it was small 🤣

We had loosely explained where babies come from by saying the daddy provides the seeds, the mummy the eggs. DC knew the baby grew in mother's womb but we never explained how the father's seeds got there.
Over one of the lockdowns, I had a Teams call with my line manager. DC was sat next to me. Line manager got to talking about a conference we had gone to in the USA. DC asked if he had already been born by then. I said no. He then went onto ask : 'but were daddy's seeds already in your mouth though?' !!!

The water boarding made me spit my tea out…. That’s hilarious 😂

@OneCup hahahahahahaha what did boss say???

Not quite the same but where I'm from twit and twat are used somewhat synonymously. My husband only fairly recently told me this is not the case and I'm in my 30s😳

We were in a supermarket queue when the man in front of us turned round and smiled at my three year old daughter who was chattering.

She looked up at him and said - my mummy shaves her front bum. I then heard myself saying (louder than I possibly intended) bikini line!

This was 25 years ago - still makes me cringe.

My son, who was two and a half and had just started nursery, rushed in one wintry morning and shouted - muuuum mi bastard snowman's melted. Absolutely no idea where he'd got that from.

My son is profoundly autistic, in a mainstream school with a 1:1. Until recently he didn't sleep much and he loved to watch videos of tower cranes falling over on YouTube (I know) when he should be asleep. Usually I checked to make sure that the swearing was bleeped out, but as the wee small hours rolled by I got less assiduous.

After a full night of toppling cranes, I took DS into school and he greeted his Reception teacher with the words "Fuck off! I mean, good morning".

Even better, the child psychologist from the LA who was assessing DS for his EHCP quoted him verbatim in her report.

No parenting awards for me! 😬

We were having Sunday lunch when my cousin was young and he was talking about someone in his class who was a bit annoying. There was a moment's pause and then he said 'he's an absolute gaylord'. He'd obviously heard the word somewhere and thought it was funny. We all snorted and then my aunt said 'don't say that word in front of your little sister'. She then pipes up 'It's fine, I know what that means, and lesbian too'. She was only about 4, it was hilarious. My gran's face hahahaha
Before the MN sarky brigade start, both are now grown up and neither of them, nor any of us are raving homophobes.

My 10 year old was cuddling our new dog and said in a not so quiet whisper that she will go dogging with him everyday 🤣🤣🤣

She meant she will love him up each day!

My nephew used to say 'currants' but without either of the Rs or the A.

I raised my kids to ask for raisins.

A friend's daughter announced that there were lots of little dicky heads out on the back lawn, which was covered in sparrows.

My XH had a brother who was (is!) an unpleasant man. I managed to keep my big gob shut in the presence of XH's family and bitched about him to my mum and my sisters. When she was around 3 my oldest daughter announced to my then in-laws, "I don't like Uncle Doodah, he's a psychopaff." XMiL glared straight at me and said, "We all know where she heard THAT, don't we?"

"Why don't you ever beep your horn?" one of the children said to me when we were in the car. I explained that beeping the horn was only necessary if you needed to warn another road user that you were there. "But it's OK to beep the horn if you see some jerks," my daughter assured me. That was when I discovered that our gentle, mild-mannered nanny was prone to road rage.

When he was 5 DS told ExP he was a “big fat fucker” on my doorstep as ExP dropped him off, as his older stepsister had instructed him to.

Opened the door, ExP was raging, DS crying. I had to hold it together to calm everyone down when all I wanted to do was burst out laughing and agree with DS.

The Year 6s at our school a few years ago insisted on teabagging each other on the playground (the trousers on, crouching version).

When we pulled them in to discuss it we asked if they knew what the word really meant. One boy, who had teenage brothers, said ‘well yes of course I know what it is but obviously we’re not going to do THAT at school’….

I laughed long and hard at this!

I said that to my housemate in my early 20s after being called it by my brother. I don't know what I thought it meant and I don't think he did either.
Luckily my housemate saw the funny side and asked me if I knew what it meant and i told the story of how my brother called me it.
I also called people a 'gimp' without realising what it meant for the same reason. I've always looked up to my bro.

I bought an electric brush cleaner thing-like a big Toothbrush-for the grout in our shower. DD told everyone we encountered about "the special wet buzzy tool mummy uses in the bathroom" 🤦‍♀️

"[imaginary friend] is going on holiday to England, but she isn't going to stay there because England is very full"

Thanks kiddo!

😧🤦‍♀️ oh dear