Am I the only one in the entire world who is making it up as I go along?

[OrmIrian]

Parenting I mean? Because reading so many of the posts on here makes me feel I am. People with methods, unbreakable rules, child care manuals. People who never doubt themselves for a moment. Those who are always consistent and determined.

Well I'm not. Being a parent is a bloody roller coaster. And sometimes MN depresses me so much I just want to go and never come back.

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You're not the only one

My children are 'tumbling up' (which I think is a reference from Dickens' David Copperfield).

I hate when experts take a perfectly natural process, that women have been doing for thousands of years, and make it their own method, eg The Bradley Method. It's not as if babies will not be born unless there is an expert behind them. They will come regardless!

I'm sorry you feel that way. I feel like I'm bumbling my way though most all the time. IKWYM that MN can sometimes make you feel inadequate, that everyone else has it sussed - but equally I sometimes find it such a relief when I find other people who feel exactly the same way - RedMist's thread was full of people saying how hard they found parenting.

It's easier to type out a rule than to follow it to the letter no matter what the circumstances.

Most people wing it.

YOu can't have rules/methods/manuals for everything. Something will come up which isn't covered - the kids have never read all this stuff.

Yes. I'm copying you.

No, I know what you mean. I always feel very inadequte when people come out with tremedously thoughtful encapsulations of how they are bringing their children up, the values they want to instil, yada yada. I feel lucky if we all get through the day intact and still speaking to each other.

Do you sometimes feel that there's a book that all other parents have been issued, and you've been left out?!

I think we're all just doing the best job that we can - and sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Sounds like you're having a rough day - anything we can help with? Or do you just need a large gin and tonic?!

No - you're not alone, I suspect we're all making it up as we go along. It's just that on Mumsnet, nobody can tell that you are - you can sound as if you know what you're doing .

we have followed our noses making decisions as they come up - having a grand plan of wanting - happy polite children. and we are going down various routes to get to that goal.

You are definately not the only one infact I find it embarrassing when Mum keeps telling me what a lovely Mummy I am - I am the only Mummy that I know how to be IYKWIM.

Sounds like you are doing a great job as well.. what ever it is you are doing keep doing it!

If it makes you feel any better, I gave ds1 (2.8) a wee kiss this evening and said I love you, he turned round and said I don't love you mummy, totally matter of fact.

I think about things toomuch a lot, but I wing it A Lot.

OrmIrian don't go!! MN needs you!!
Seriously, MN is failing if it's making you feel inadequate.
FWIW, I think the best parenting is often instinctive. I think little children are usually highly intuitive. If you are following a parenting methodology, at some subconscious level, your child will pick up on that. And I think what children need more than anything is to know that they are loved, and that they are unique. Parenting is about relationships, and you don't do those by text book. At least not if you want real, human, up and down, slightly chaotic but FULFULLING relationships

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"I feel lucky if we all get through the day intact and still speaking to each other. "

Well exactly! DH has taken DD and DS#1 out - DD isn't speaking to me and I want to throttle them all and then leave home.

biwi - I've just poured myself a glass of wine thanks. WHich won't help.

jackieno - I thinl I must be a better actress than I realised then

Yes the glass of wine will help! Honest!

Don't believe anyone who gives you the impression that they're doing a good job! Everyone is in the same boat!

But it does sound like you're in need of a break. Good that dh has taken the kids out - can you organise a girly night out or, even better, to go and stay over night with a friend?

Where are you btw - happy to take you out for a drink!

orm! mn depresses you? You always seem to take it with a pinch of salt.

Comeon now. You can tell when people are talking though their backsides, can't you?

I'm with you OrmIrian

Om - have you honestly never read a childcare manual? {shakes hand in awe}
Not even Penelope Leach?
I've read a few, they all make me feel inadequate on some level but also give me pointers for dealing with situations which i adapt to our circumstances.
As Armadillo says 'It's easier to type out a rule than to follow it to the letter no matter what the circumstances.' You should see my posts on CC for example, i sound very confident, not at all like the gibbering wreck with a stop-watch who you would see if you peeped through my curtains of an evening...

My dcs are 15 and 12 - nearly 16 and 13. Life is much, much easier (although not without its challenges!), and I think my boys are decent, polite and generally 'nice'. I have made many mistakes along the way, and I'm not always sure my/our parenting skills were the best, but we seem to have got there anyway.

None of us is perfect.

And when you're in the middle of it, and it's all so full on, it's hard not to beat yourself up over it and decide that you're a crap parent.

Well you're not. Honestly. And nore are you ConfusedMover. One of the biggest reasons that you're not crap is that you're obviously so concerned about it!

And Sobernow is absolutely right that when people here proffer advice it's because they've been in the situation themselves. It doesn't mean, though, that they handled it perfectly at the time - just that they learnt about it afterwards.

Thanks everyone.

biwi - I'm in Somerset. I suspect you aren't though - so few of us are But thanks for the offer.

I am in need of some downtime - really in need. I'll have to sort it next weekend. DH will be fine with it bless him.

I chucked my a heap of my DD's teddies out of her bedroom window. WHy? Well for a multitude of reasons, mainly crossness, but also in a misguided attempt to teach my DC's respect for other people's possession..... laughable really ....Well I have to laugh or I'd cry. Beleive me, they are wind-up merchants of the highest quality when they try. And then tried their very best today DH picked them up and dusted them off and gave me the evils until I told him to bugger off. So he did.

'nore'?! Nor, obviously.

OrmIrian - don't go.

Anyone who says they've got it sussed is lying.

FWIW I see posters like yourself as a source of guidance - we don't all have methods and rules!

In answer to the OP No way!

Oh I won't go. MN depresses me but it also makes me laugh a lot and reassures me sometimes. But there do seem to be a lot of women on here who know what to do and how to do it in all circumstances. And they depress me with my own dithery inadequacy.