Am I the only one in the entire world who is making it up as I go along?

[OrmIrian]

Parenting I mean? Because reading so many of the posts on here makes me feel I am. People with methods, unbreakable rules, child care manuals. People who never doubt themselves for a moment. Those who are always consistent and determined.

Well I'm not. Being a parent is a bloody roller coaster. And sometimes MN depresses me so much I just want to go and never come back.

I know what you mean. I sometimes feel inadequate on MN as some people seem so confident and clear about how to deal with their DC. I have had the impression that some posters never experience those moments when you feel you are going to explode, you have been so wound up by your DC. It's as though some people are so skilled and consistent they are never pushed to the limit.

2Happy is right about RedMist's recent thread. She was very, very honest, and it was a revelation to see that other people find aspects of parenting incredibly difficult. It was really helpful.

Orm, I'm in Somerset too, whereabouts are you?

And in reply to your OP, no you're not, I thought I was - phew.

Totally making it up as I go along. Enjoying doing it that way. I get quite affronted when I see some book by a woman halfway across the world who has never met either me or my daughter, claiming that she could do a better job that me! The cheek!

When I make mistakes they're my mistakes. When my children spend years and thousands of pounds on therapy, it will be MY fault, and no one elses. [proud]

I have never read a parenting manual. Didn't want to tempt fate when I was pregnant and have had much better things to do with my time since dd was born (which is a nice way of saying I haven't had the time or the inclination).

I do know what you mean, some posters do seem to have it all sussed. Then you will read one of their posts that shows they have problems just like the rest of us

These posters would probably find it really funny that they seem so perfect, because to themselves they, too, most likely feel like they are muddling through.

I am making it up, which btw is the story of my life.

I can try and help others but are doing a crap job of it myself.

I'm definitely making it up as I go along! I just seem to have stumbled upon a few things that work for me and if someone asks a question I share my wisdom/tips in the hope that just maybe it works for them too.

Coasting on wing and a prayer would be a good way to put my method of parenting.

redmist's thread was part of my problem TBH. I so sympathised with the way she felt, and whilst I acknowledge that there were many reponses that said 'i've been there too', there seemed to be even more that were condmening and offered a view of childcare and parenting that I could never attempt to follow. The 'strict' thread was another one. So when I went into my rather absurd meltdown this afternoon, remembering them made me feel all the more pointless and useless.

And it's not just parenting. I've made so many spur of the moment decisions in my life. MN sometimes gives the impression that many people polan the whole damn thing from cradle to grave. Or perhaps they are just better at getting the things they want. I don't know.

Ooohhh...doncha love self-pity

moosma - I'm in Bridgwater. Another great decision eh????

Hey me too. My kids are 26, 24, 18 and 5.I'm fully qualified to work with people from birth to the elderly and have over 20 years experience of working with young people and children - I still feel as though I make it up as I go along .

I namechanged once and asked for recipes (namechange for frivolous purposes, not to ask for recipes!) - people replied very kindly, then one person realised I was me (because I said) and expressed surprise I was asking for help because I seemed more capable than her. Look, here

Cooking on the fly not my forte, other things are. Hence I don't post about cooking much and seem more capable, perhaps, because I post about things I know more about

Oh I think everyone feels that way, don't they?! I am a bit like hunker in that I overanalyse everything I do - but only after I have done it!! Think it is VERY IMPORTANT to experiment and get things wrong - how else do we learn?

Obviously, on Mumsnet we share our experiences on what's worked for us so people might seem more confident - but we dont post on the twenty things we tried first that didn't work .

LOL Hunker

You are one of those very sussed people I was talking about Then I think it was you (or somebody else completely different) that was having really bad sleep problems with their ds. And I rmemebr being surprised that somebody so capable didn't have everything sorted

Wallace, I had a feeling you might've had me in mind when you posted as you did (along with others, obv)

And yes, DS2 was a horror wrt sleep (and the night before his second birthday last week, he woke FOUR times in the night - he'd sung himself to sleep with happy birthday each night for a fortnight beforehand, so there's a chance he was overexcited...! And what did I do? Bf him back to sleep )

DS drew over bedroom today, as Dh was giving baby a bottle, he kept waking sister up and generally being foul. Graffiti the last straw. i keep thinking about what sort of monster I have brought up and blaming it on myself- it's been a long christmas and birthday period, and have been putting behaviour down to sheer excitement!! help!!Just poured lage glass of wine. Hope baby doesn't wake up duriong the night. i know there is an element of jjealousy, but DS is loving to all most of time. HE is 5. TV ban etc in place tomorrow- vicious circle as he is an early riser and is non-stop all day even though he should be worn out from school, so we are knackered constantly. now feel bad mum for moaning as i am so lucky to have them!!

Orm, I'm still pretty new to it all, and actually I find it hard to post about things I find difficult - too chicken, I guess, and don't want to hear things I don't want to hear. So I post about things that have worked, and not when I need help (though I do search like a demon!). If there are lots of saps like me, that would rather skew MN to appear full of calm competents...

Or, more succinctly - what Umlellala said!

I mess up on a daily / possibly hourly basis. Was cleaning poo off DS's rug / him / me, an hour ago.

I used to read manuals constantly when my DS was first born. Now they're gathering dust and I'm going to give them away. I've got more confident but I'm definitely making it up as I go along

On a more serious note, I think sometimes it's easer to see some of the possible options when you're outside the situation. Particularly when you're sleep deprived

Cholom - my dd (2) has chalked every surface in the kitchen, penned the settees, creamed the walls (my granIL took delight in asking what that was) and crayoned most of the hard floors.

I take it I have years of that ahead. Oh well.

hunker you've made my day! Now I know I am doing the right thing when I bf my 18 month old back to sleep in the night, cos hunker does it

To be honest i find it better to make it up as you go along.
I have read many manuals and tried so many different methods for disciplining/sleeping/feeding etc and always end up feeling a failure when i forget to follow them through!

So much easier to bimble along doing it my (probably wrong) way.

OrmIrian, i am in Taunton !!

I did make it up with DD1 but now I have DD2 I am using 'rules' as in things that worked with DD1 and so Will-Be-Done-This-Way-Forever-More

Which is why DD1 was never brought downstairs after her bedtime and only dealt with upstairs and DD2 is currently sitting on DH's lap being tickled

I make most things up. Sonetimes some things work, more often it seems they don't.

I get by though

Wallace I might have different ideas about it if he woke up that often every night But most babies aren't bf for anything like this long, so the advice that's out there isn't set up to include "And if your toddler wakes up upset, offer a breastfeed and they're likely to settle again quickly" is it?