How do you deal with newborn meltdowns in public?

[Teaandbiscuits91]

I have a 4 week old newborn and I’m only just starting to get out and about but I’m terrified of him crying hysterically and having meltdowns in public. I know all babies cry but he can go from fine to screaming bloody murder in minutes.

If you were in a supermarket, what would you do? Get the baby straight out of the pram to attempt to soothe immediately, drop the shopping and leave, carry on shopping and soothe once you’re back at the car etc? And what about when out at cafes/restaurants?

Just wondering what’s normal and any tips for handling it whilst remaining as calm as poss.

Babies usually only cry for a need so I'd check for an immediate cause of pain, then offer milk, then try burping, then a comforter (eg dummy/cuddle and a suckle on my finger), then nappy.

A baby crying/screaming isn't a meltdown. It's just them asking for something in the only way they can.

4 week olds don't have meltdowns. They just cry.
Unless you are in a quiet place like a library/church/museum people won't care. You comfort your baby the best you can. But if baby is gonna cry, baby's gonna cry.

Oh and I'd do any of those things wherever I was. Shop, street, a restaurant etc. Only place I couldn't was in the car in which case I'd pull over somewhere safe (and hate hearing the screaming) and check.

I used to try and placate them with a dummy until I could feed them. And time trips around feeds as best I could- ot gets easier the bigger they get and easier still when they're on solids.

I was also scared about this.
My GP said to me exactly what you've said;
'All babies cry' he also said 'people only look because they love to see a newborn regardless if they are crying or not'

It is scary and the thought of it almost stops you going out sometimes but honestly once you've done it afew times it's fine.

First port of call is if they are due a bottle or not. Or Dummy, burp, cuddle. Sometimes they just need to feel close to you.
Doesn't matter where you are.

Please don't be terrified. A huge number of women and men will have been in your position and will feel nothing but empathy if your baby was screaming! Just deal with them as you would at home and/or prepare before you leave I.e make sure they're changed and full and not tired. Please don't think about what other people think and enjoy your baby screams and all.

PS the term meltdown might not be the best wording, meant in the nicest way . As a parent of a child with autism/asd, a newborn crying for what they need is a different thing to a meltdown.

Honestly as a mum of 2, one of whom could scream the place down, the only crying baby that bothers you is your own!

i never notice or get at all frustrated by other peoples babies crying. It’s the mothers maternal instinct that raises your anxiety levels when your own baby cries and makes it sound louder than it is/ you are designed this way to ensure your baby is attended to when in distress!

Go out as much as you need and want. Don’t give other people a second thought.

That's babies for you.
I used to check all the obvious ones - their physical needs. If they weren't hungry, wet, dirty, windy, hit, cold etc then I'd rock them or swaddle them or similar. If I thought they could be overstimulated then I'd leave if I could. Imagine how overwhelming being new in the world must be. You've spent 9 months in a cosy little cocoon and suddenly, wham! Bright lights, loud noises, weird smells.

You don't have a fucking clue what's going on and the only way you can communicate is to cry.

I'd be bloody crying too!

You are programmed to react to your baby's cry, it's instinct. It might be deafening to you but it won't seem as bad to other shoppers and they can move to another aisle temporarily if it's that bad. If you are happy that baby is fed, clean and comfortable, just carry on with the shop. If anyone tuts, just ignore them. It's not as if you want it to happen. My babes behaved their best when out and about, plenty to see from the pram. As an older colleague once said to me, at least if they are crying, you know they are still alive!

Practically this is how I would deal with certain situations with a screaming baby that I couldn’t quickly soothe.::

Supermarket- head to check out whilst rocking pram/carrying baby trying to soothe as best I can. Pay for shopping and then find somewhere to feed. I would return another time to finish the big shop if I needed more.

Cafe in the day- usually fairly easy to fix here as I would feed and that usually works. If baby didn’t want to feed and still wouldn’t settle I would pay up and leave.

Restaurant at night- leave immediately to soothe baby outside/ in another area so as not to disturb other people. I would hopefully calm baby and then return to finish my dinner.

I'd feed before leaving, and have him in a sling. Avoided most of the issues - but he was a velcro baby, and was usually OK if in contact with me.

Congratulations to a new mum. Well done for getting out & about so soon. I found it terrifying.

Before you go out make sure you have absolutely everything you might require to deal with baby’s needs.

If baby starts up (!) you will then be confident that you are well equipped with whatever it takes to get back on track.

Detach your mind from everything around you and don’t even think about anything else or anyone else whilst you care for baby.

Anyone will see that your tiny baby is just that …. really really tiny & that’s baby’s way of communicating.

If there’s a chair available anywhere, clock it on yr way in & make for it to sit and sooth.

Deep breath, relaaax, detach & sooth.

We’ve all been there! You’ll be fine. 😉

Yep meltdown has a specific meaning (usually an older child in sensory overload, often used by parents of children on the autistic spectrum to differentiate their children's involuntary loss of control when overwhelmed from ordinary toddler tantrums).

Babies of a few weeks old cry because it's their only way to communicate a need. A baby who goes from happy to screaming in real distress very quickly probably has trapped wind, digestive distress, colic, an as yet undiscovered intolerance to something in the milk (cow's milk or lactose if formula fed or mother's food if breastfed) or reflux... something digestive usually! Otherwise something wlse is uncomfortable - a minority of babies are extremely uncomfortable very quickly in a dirty nappy and get very red within minutes and need changing ASAP if they are dirty not just wet... Obviously they can't regulate their temperature at 4 weeks and that's something to check immediately - whether they're very over or under dressed (put your hand on the back of the neck).

Often picking up the baby temporarily sooths them even if it's wind etc. change of position can relieve discomfort even coincidentally.

I always picked mine and my mindees up if they cried and 90% of the time it soothed them quickly. If you cannot sooth them quickly then pay for what you have in the trolley as fast as possible and take them to where you can change the nappy or sit down to feed.

Good luck!

People don't judge a crying small baby unless you're clearly completely ignoring them and taking your time!

I'd offer dummy, change how i'm pushing the pushchair, especially if ahopping as need to get it done. If i was in a cafe i would just get them out and feed them.

Normally a change of position can help calm lot of the time.

Apologies - poor wording. I know they’re not “meltdowns” and it’s just him communicating that he wants something.

I’m exclusively breastfeeding so it’s places like in the middle of a supermarket or walking down the street that I worry about. I do normally try to time a feed before I go somewhere but when cluster feeding, it’s not overly predictable. If you were in these places, what would you do? I know obviously I’d feed as soon as possible, but I don’t know if people would normally give up on shopping to prioritise feeding or if you’d just let them cry until you’ve found somewhere to comfortably feed.

Babies cry, at 4 weeks old they have no complexity of communication there's just a single way to measure how not-ok things are. Not crying=everything ok. Crying can mean anything and it's very much ok that you don't know what's needed telepathically.

You don't owe strangers the peace and quiet of a totally contented baby at all times. You don't even owe your baby total satisfaction 100% of the time
Of course you will do everything you can for your baby but there will always be times when you know you have to be in the supermarket for a few mimutes grabbing something essential even thoigh the baby is loudly protesting that they don't like it there. You can only do your best and so long as you are balancing the conflictings needs to the best of your ability, that's all ok.

Try to do a feed and a change before you leave but try to think ahead about if there's somewhere you can stop and feed if you need to, like does the shop have a cafe you could sit in. And really and truly people love to help but sometimes don't like to offer incase they're overstepping the mark! Honestly if you asked any member of staff for a hand, if there's somewhere you can sit or even if they can look after your shopping for 5 mins whilst you change/feed your baby I bet they'd be more than happy to. I used to walk around town with my first just to get out of the house and all the cafes used to say if you ever need to come in to feed your welcome to you don't need to buy anything.

Agree with @HSKAT's doctor - everyone loves looking at newborns and no one notices the noise. Also, while it's mind-splitting for you as a new parent, when I hear newborns now the sound is really very weedy and not loud at all. Honest!

If you're in a supermarket, head for the checkout straightaway - you can always come back. If in a café, get sat down, dump your stuff and sort out the baby. If driving, pull over somewhere safe.

You'll be fine, honest. And everywhere you go at least one person will smile at you and tell your baby they are beautiful.

but I don’t know if people would normally give up on shopping to prioritise feeding or if you’d just let them cry until you’ve found somewhere to comfortably feed.
Just walked in the supermarket, expect shop to take 40 minutes, I'd feed the baby
Just getting through the till, I'd finish then feed baby.
You have to make a reasonable call on how long you're willing to have them in need

If it's easier, pick a supermarket with a cafe. You can prob ask to leave your half filled trolley somewhere whilst you go and feed them / change them etc if it'll take too long to finish. Might cost you a coffee but I'd expect a reasonable supermarket type cafe to let you sit and nurse without one.

The other option is to perfect latching him on and walking holding him with one hand whilst pushing the trolley / pushchair with the other

In my experience, people melt when they see a newborn, so please don't stress about it.

As feeding becomes more established you'll find it easier to just stop and feed anywhere. Take a scarf/shawl to cover up if you feel self conscious, though you shouldn't need to. I could eventually be found on any old bollard/step etc.

A supermarket shop is about 30 mins of shopping so it generally is possible to time it around a nap or straight after a feed. Not infallible but usually possible.

If I was right at the start of a shop then I might stop and go do a feed, if I was right near the end then I'd soothe as best as I can while finishing up then go feed baby.

People will react to a baby crying, since becoming a mum as soon as I hear a baby cry I search for the sound, it's instinctive, there's no judgement there just a deep need to find the crying and see that the baby is ok.

Take baby out and feed if a pacifier doesn't work. I've never met anyone who didn't find newborns utterly lovely regardless of crying.

A sling is a great idea for shopping trips though.

I saw a woman last week who had brought one of those little fold up step stools with her to Aldi. She was sitting on it feeding her baby, with the trolley acting as a privacy screen. Baby was in a sling so very easy to maneuver into feeding position.

Try and time shop when baby most likely to be sleeping but otherwise don’t worry about it too much. You are generally on the move while shopping and people can move away themselves if it is annoying them. Babies crying doesn’t bother me.
i did use to apologise say if I was in a queue and generally people said don’t worry, no bother etc. acknowledging the crying to others diffuses any tension ime ( if there is tension to diffuse)

Also just as a tip - switch to supermarket deliveries for the big weekly shop. Saver slots are often only £1-2, which is less than the return bus fare. So much easier than traipsing round yourself.