Teeth brushing - I won’t use force

[Daffy20]

Son refuses to let me brush his teeth at 2 years.
i have tried
letting him choose toothbrush
brushing to songs
giving him control
making it fun
using reward charts

he wants to do it perhaps two days in the weeks But unfortunately his brushing lasts about 15 secs and it’s not really a tooth brushing- you know what I mean… yes effectively he is taking some responsibility but it has no effect on his teeth hygiene

he won’t let me do it - please don’t tell me to hold him down and do it because I won’t do that - so any other advice greatly appreciated.
any tips ?

Funny how OP hasn't been back. Anyway ... my DS is not great at doing his teeth. I often have to restrain him to give his teeth a good thorough clean. I'd rather him have clean teeth than no teeth in a few years time.

I tried everything when my LO was about 18 months, but the refusal was getting worse so I had to swaddle in a towel. Wished I'd done it ages ago, I made wrapping him into the towel a game, lots of raspberries and silliness, we called it the teeth brushing burrito. Then would swoop in and give his teeth a good clean, he would shout a bit but back to laughing straight after. He would climb on the bed when I lay the towel out! Definitely not traumatising and as PP's have made clear, teeth brushing is not optional.

We don't generally use force but we do insist on brushing teeth. If DS is resistant then we stay in the bathroom and I calmly say "Ok, well I guess we'll just have a boring day hanging out in the bathroom instead of going to the park (or whatever) then. Because we can't (do X) until you've got clean teeth." Initially it would sometimes take 10 or 15 minutes of calmly reiterating that but now he generally accepts it.
We do also sometimes do "Oh my goodness! What's that in your mouth? Is it a... rhinoceros?! We need to brush that out for sure!" And he often joins in with far more than 2 minutes worth of animals and vehicles 😅

Could be worth trying one of these brushes. They're not great for cleaning around the gum line but how good of a clean if the child getting at the minute anyway. Also you have to buy foam toothpaste to use with them.

Question to all those saying they use ‘force’
Did your child ever get so upset about said ‘force’ that they regularly threw up?
Mine did scream until they threw up, making the whole process useless anyway. OP doesn’t want to use force, they didn’t say they won’t brush at all. There’s been some great ideas on here to encourage brushing, hopefully some the OP can try.
My little one does brush their teeth now and will allow me to do it (nearly 3).
We bought brushes with characters on they loved.
Brushed in the bath.
Used silicon chews with toothpaste on.
Changed toothpaste to one they preferred the taste of, we went through three different ones. This made a big difference.
Made a tooth fairy garden in a plant pot and then said she will be checking with me that tooth brushing is happening. I still use the tooth fairy now on days they refuse to brush. Works every time.

It’s a phase like any other and I hope you can work through it. As others have, very forthrightly said, it’s very important to avoid problems later on.

I think people are saying that in the end, if NOTHING else works, actually you do have to use force if the alternative is to not clean their teeth.

It's no use saying 'I won't use force' if the alternative is to not clean their teeth.

Obviously most children don't make themselves sick whilst having their teeth cleaned.

This is one thing you need to get tough on if all else fails. No child should have to kiss and hug granny but they have to brush their teeth. Mine had a choice - they do it properly, or I do it, with them swaddled in a large towel if necessary. If this becomes a battle, you have to win it. The consequences will not be good for them if you let them off doing it. I viewed it in the same light as they had to be strapped in their car seat whether they liked it or not. You surely don’t give him a choice over that?

Well, if you won't use force sorry for your kid's teeth then...Good luck love x

Thought I’d post an update!

Whoever suggested the Pokémon Smile app that really worked for a while. Thank you so much!! Because we used the app on the iPad it also meant he had a little reward of baby shark on the iPad after which also motivated him to keep brushing. We did this for a few weeks then one day I decided to try without the iPad but replaced with my reading his favourite book whilst he brushed. Because we had used the app where ge could see his own teeth and where the brush connected it felt like he had a little more understanding of where to hold the brush.

He’s now brushing for at least 2 mins with some gentle prompting whilst I read books to him. There’s still more work to be done but we’re getting there and things have improved vastly.

I stated in the subject line that I would not use force meaning I wanted to hear about other options. Telling me I need to use force is pointless because I have not asked for that advice. I don’t judge those who do because every family is different but it’s not for me or my son and I’m glad that people who genuinely wanted to help contributed.

Others however who were quick to criticise, had all the manner of Hannibal Lector giving cookery lessons. I realise that some people here believe they are the ‘ultimate’ parents and woe betide anyone who dare do something different with their child but empathy and understanding are much better tools when giving advice than criticism and judgement.

Rudeness and close mindedness are poor models for children to follow. They give this site a bad name and ultimately they prevent parents for asking for help. This means the site ends up doing the opposite of what it is intended for.

🙄

OP, I felt the same as you as I was worried I would make her more afraid and less likely to do it if I upset her by forcing, but I have not seen that happen.

I always offer her the chance to do it first, we do sing song and I brush my teeth at the same time. But if she refuses, then I do pop her on my lap and pin her arms and do it - all over in 20 seconds and she stops protesting as soon as I have finished.

I find that she is growing more interested in doing it herself rather than the opposite.

I stated in the subject line that I would not use force meaning I wanted to hear about other options.

Maybe you should have just stated that rather than making ‘I won’t use force’ your main hook. Because it does just come across like you’re basically willing to let your DS risk the horrific ordeal that is teeth extraction rather than taking the responsible and common sense approach of using force as a last resort. It’s child neglect - why would you expect posters to care about your emotional feelings when they think you are willing to let your child go through substantial physical pain. You sounded completely irresponsible - it’s ok for posters to call out irresponsible parenting on a parenting forum.

We let DC watch an episode of numberblocks.

To all those who say they use “force” - how do you actually get your child to open their mouth for long enough to brush properly?

We used a selection of tooth brushing songs and I let her do similar to how you said your son does, light brushing himself. Then when she's done I say 'mummy will just get the tricky bits' and say AAAAAAAH then I brush the backs and then say EEEEEEE and I brush the fronts.

This. I work in the NHS and the amount of teeth we remove in dental surgery of very young children is ridiculous. It’s really unpleasant for everyone involved too

In many of those cases it shouldn’t happen and could be prevented by improved hygiene and diet.

Lots of great ideas to try on this thread as you child grows too.

If you don't brush his teeth you'll be holding him down for a general anaesthetic to have his teeth out. That will be far worse for him.
The amount of children who have multiple teeth out at a young age is shocking.

I imagine as they open their mouths to scream / cry

@Daffy20 that's great to hear. Glad you managed it a gentle way. x

Yep! I see some children with mouths full of black cavities.

Sometimes you just have to hold them down so they learn it's non-negotiable.

It’s easier said than done when you’ve a child who clamps their mouth shut! I usually have to resort to brushing my toddler’s teeth while his mouth is closed around the brush!

@Daffy20 well you got the advice you were after, so actually the site didn't "do the opposite of what it's intended to do".

What the site also does is allow people to disagree, which also worked quite nicely on this occasion. I think it's good that so many people expressed their disagreement with the premise of your post, because when parents who are struggling with toddler tooth brushing check out this thread in future they won't be left feeling that there is a shaming social norm against using force. It's not about being "the ultimate parent", it's actually about being good enough in the round and accepting some compromises.

Gosh I love your update OP. Genuinely.

We had tooth brushing music which for a while was the Tombliboos teeth brushing song 😅

Also the brush has a personality and talks to them. Brushy likes to comment on what did can be found in their mouth or all random questions. 🙄 "Oh did you have pasta today?" Etc etc. It's kind of boring to do it every day, but better than having to do the wrapping up in a towel.

Agree that it is non negotiable in this house as well.

options as i see them

hold him down and brush his teeth

dont force him to brush his teeth and instead hold him down when he needs to get teeth removed because they are rotten and painful

options options options.....