Teeth brushing - I won’t use force

[Daffy20]

Son refuses to let me brush his teeth at 2 years.
i have tried
letting him choose toothbrush
brushing to songs
giving him control
making it fun
using reward charts

he wants to do it perhaps two days in the weeks But unfortunately his brushing lasts about 15 secs and it’s not really a tooth brushing- you know what I mean… yes effectively he is taking some responsibility but it has no effect on his teeth hygiene

he won’t let me do it - please don’t tell me to hold him down and do it because I won’t do that - so any other advice greatly appreciated.
any tips ?

She's posting because she wants ideas that will make it easier to clean his teeth, she's not saying "oh he doesn't like it so I'll just let them rot". Get a grip yourself.

She isn’t saying it, no. But that is exactly what she’s doing at the moment. For the sake of a child’s health I don’t think it’s unreasonable for posters to bluntly point that out.

The thing is the ideas may or may not work. If they do not then there is no other choice than using a some force. The child's teeth have to be cleaned. Saying she won't use force is saying that if the ideas don't work then they won't be

By all means try the advice on how to persuade him, but if it doesn't work you have to just get it done. It is no kindness and not good enough parenting to allow teeth to be unbrushed for the sake of not wanting to restrain a toddler briefly.

Have you tried standing above him doing it when he's in the high chair- getting him to lean back and look at you above/ behind him. Would stop him running away but you wouldn't be pinning him down and you could use some of the tips advised here.

Pretend there are things in his teeth. Ooh I see a chip, did you have chips for dinner? There's a flower how did that get there! Let's brush it out! My son likes me to pretend Marshall from paw patrol was racing around his teeth and I was chasing him with the toothbrush.

A friend of mine also did not want to use force. Her daughters teeth were so rotten at 4 she had to be put under anesthesia and all her teeth removed.

Up to you, potentially a lifetime of poor teeth and fouls breath as the decay sets in because you won't treat this as non negotiable and use a firm hold/gentle force to get it done properly.

Sometimes things have to be done for their own good and this is one of them...

My DS refused and we literally tried everything, including occasional force. The last time I tried force was around 3 yrs old. He is almost 11 now. It's still an issue. We have a special toothbrush with latex bristles and a non-minty toothpaste. He still vividly remembers being held down and forced. It didn't help. He has now been diagnosed with sensory processing disorder.

Please be kind to yourself and your DS. Keep your requirement to brush teeth a firm boundary and attempt it every time. Be consistent but take his queues as to what he doesn't like and work with it. Try different flavours, different toothbrushes or even no toothpaste and work up to that bit. But keep at it and you will make a breakthrough. DS was around 4/5 when it started getting easier.

I now bulk buy the non minty toothpaste as we had one before that stopped being made and we were in a pickle for a while until he accepted the transition.

•Take him to the dentist,Get them to tell him off& explain how to brush the teeth.

• Tell him there's bugs in there& they need to be cleaned out.

• Use an electric one
• show him a video of what happens when you don't brush( there's probably a video on YouTube for children)

Dd had a filling identified at 3. The tooth was extracted when she was 6 due to a catalogue of errors with the NHS. It cost us over £2k to get it done privately too. I had to hold her down to brush her teeth when younger and she still needed a filling. I was mortified but the rest of her teeth are fine as are older dc’s teeth so just bad luck I think. Anyway, try all the suggestions above but brush his teeth by force if need be. Far less traumatic than the alternative, believe me.

DD is almost 3 and we've only ever had to use force a couple of times, a few things that have worked alternating for us have been the hey duggee toothbrushing song, blippi toothbrushing song, stickercharts, using two toothbrushes (one for her and one for me to brush her teeth with and then we took turns), making it into a game getting rid of the sugar bugs. Now though she's pretty good at doing them herself for a minute then she gets to choose mummy or daddy to brush them after.
I was pretty blunt when she stopped letting us the first time and told her that if she didn't let either mummy or daddy brush them then her teeth would go bad and fall out, she hasn't really protested much since.

Does he like Duggee? There's a Duggee tooth brushing toy which sings the tooth brush song for 2 mins. I used to have to pin my DD down but now I use the toy instead and let her clean her teeth (and sometimes mine if she asks). My dentist said at this age it's really important to get them in the habit, and to get toothpaste on the teeth which is where 80% of the protection comes from. She seems to manage this just by chewing the toothbrush and singing the song etc. Then when the song is done I say let mummy check... oh you have done such a good job but oh no I see some sausage roll on this tooth (quick brush) oh and some grapes on this one (quick brush) etc. Try to be quick, and be smiling and laughing as it's about the habit not the thoroughness. Then every 3 days (again it was my dentist who suggested this time period), after her bath while she's still in her towel I keep her wrapped up, play the duggee toy and insist I am doing them and give them a really good brush. She cries but it's all over after 2 mins and I act breezey about it like keep saying oh a big bit of toast left on this tooth then we are all finished, rather than saying sorry etc. She's got better and better and now brushes her teeth pretty well herself, let's me brush them quite thoroughly each night and when I do the 3 day brush she's only really kind of fake complaining?? Good luck OP it does get better.

My youngest hated his teeth being brushed we had no option but to use force.
I hated having to do it.
But it was either that or him ending up with rotten teeth.
Luckily they started learning about brushing teeth in nursery and all the children got toothbrushes- it was a simple plain green one but he was obsessed with it and he finally let us brush his teeth with it - mind you, he wouldn't use any other for almost a year!! It was minging toward the end - after that we go him a battery powered minion one which he'll now use on his own.

I used to work in a dental hospital in childrens general anesthetics, watching some children have all their baby teeth removed aged 3 or 4 because their parents didn't brush their teeth. It is non negotiable in my house, I don't use force, but from when she first got teeth it was part of her daily routine and never would I miss a morning or night brush.
Like others have mentioned, try brushing in the bath, reward charts, brush teddies teeth first, watch him brush your teeth, put a song on or something on youtube to distract him.
You may feel like you are being mean holding him down or forcing him to brush teeth, but you will feel awful when he has decay and needs fillings or extractions(with injections) when he is 5 years old.

Look, I know I was harsh but things like this really make me cross. Being a parent is not easy, some aspects are really difficult and there is a lot of guilt involved. But you don't get to just opt out of doing things that are difficult or make you feel bad when not doing so is detrimental to your dc. It's the dc who suffer the consequences.

A few pp's have posted of their experiences of dc's needing fillings or extractions because of a lack of teeth brushing. Do you think it's OK for op's ds to have to go through that? I'm not saying don't try other ways that don't include force, give everything a go first. But saying a flat "I won't hold him down" rather than using it as a last resort is ridiculous.

"I won't use force" is what I think is causing PPs issues. It's like the OP has already made up her mind that she will not be firm/hold the child in order to brush their teeth.

I too had a DD who would scream at every toothbrush time but tbh I would rather a minute of crying and be able to brush rather than tooth decay and having to get them removed.

Like others have said, twice a day non-negotiable. At one point it was like a battle and I had to prepare myself for the way that she would try and run/squirm but now through consistent teeth brushing we are at a point where she can be distracted with TV for 1 min, sit on my knee with her teddy & get her teeth brushed.

It's just something that has to be done.

If they needed antibiotics would you say the same "I won't use force" or would you just hold them & get them to take the medicine they need to get better?

I'd rather use force to brush them than have to force him into the dental hospital for removal

Tooth brushing is not negotiable in this house.

I used to lay DS in between my legs with his arm under my knees (no contact) from my actual legs but the smaller gap between the back of my knee where his arms were placed meant he couldn't wriggle out.

He's 3 now and brushes his teeth fine. It's not something he is allowed to choose from. I work in dentistry. I've seen kids ball their eyes out having teeth filled and pulled. It's horrible to experience.

Just brush his teeth.

Another one that had to hold my child to do it. Like you I was reluctant to do this and he ended up with sore bleeding gums at age 2, I felt absolutely terrible. We got him a light up electric toothbrush and he soon got over it, we made a big fuss of how beautiful and sparkling his teeth are after brushing and he's very proud of them now at age 5! It's non negotiable in our house now.

If you have 5 things to try, try all of them at each tooth brushing session. Generally kids will do them by the 3rd or 4th tactic you try! If you have a very wilful/ stubborn child you might have to force the issue at times. It works well wrapping them in a towel or blanket, so their hands are essentially swaddled, and then hug them to you and just brush them quickly.

Not going to lie, sometimes I used to brush my teeth while they were asleep. They were deep sleepers as toddlers, and just would not let me give them a proper clean sometimes. We also used mouthwash between sessions (and sometimes still do) and other ways of preventing decay, eg. Eating all their sweets at once (instead of constant exposure), drinking water after meals (to remove as much as possible) and Sometimes using a finger, Muslim square or flannel with some paste on.

Brush my kids teeth I meant. Obviously I can't brush my own teeth when I'm asleep 😂

Also non-negotiable here - if you've exhausted all the games then holding firmly/pinning down is the way to go. Personally I'd rather do 2 minutes of firm holding than 15 minutes of pissing about. I've had stages with both of mine where they wouldn't do their teeth and actually being firm and cracking on with meant we had much less messing around than if I'd been spending a fortune on toothbrushes and trying various apps

I've also had to pin both of them down to get medicine into them and holding my eldest while she went under GA for a minor op was the worst feeling, I wouldn't want to do that for something I could have prevented.

This 👆

You are performing basic necessary hygiene for your child. Failing to keep their teeth clean is unacceptable.

We found the colgate app useful. It has a crocodile that you brush the teeth of to make him healthy. Dc used to watch and brush teeth of crocodile while I brushed their's.

Also we bought strawberry toothpaste as they really didn't like the mint toothpaste which really helped.

FFS. You would rather your child with a mouthful of broken delph at 4 than hold them and brush their teeth?

Ridiculous carry on.