Teeth brushing - I won’t use force

[Daffy20]

Son refuses to let me brush his teeth at 2 years.
i have tried
letting him choose toothbrush
brushing to songs
giving him control
making it fun
using reward charts

he wants to do it perhaps two days in the weeks But unfortunately his brushing lasts about 15 secs and it’s not really a tooth brushing- you know what I mean… yes effectively he is taking some responsibility but it has no effect on his teeth hygiene

he won’t let me do it - please don’t tell me to hold him down and do it because I won’t do that - so any other advice greatly appreciated.
any tips ?

I know you don’t want to use force but you really need to see that by not doing so if needed, you are not being a kinder parent. Teeth extraction is no fucking joke. Why would you risk putting your child through that?

This is one of the few things that's none negotiable, it has to be done for the good of the child.
I work in preschool and have seen children with black, rotten teeth, they're in pain, they bite others because they're in pain. They're moody, disruptive, don't learn - because their parent has failed them by not brushing their teeth and they are in pain. Just brush their teeth!

We found a song on YouTube, my eldest now sings it to the baby when we do hers. 'Brush, brush, brush your teeth, every morning every night. Brush, brush, brush your teeth, in the morning, in the night. Brush it uuuup, brush it dowwwn, move the brush round and round. The secret to having healthy teeth is to carefully brush every tooth' 😂 but when that fails we have wrapped in a blanket to brush. It's a non negotiable.

There was another thread on this recently with some good tips - just ignore the posts about using force.

To ask how the hell you're supposed to brush babies teeth?! http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/4594325-to-ask-how-the-hell-youre-supposed-to-brush-babies-teeth

I showed my 2 year old DS photos of people with rotten teeth on the internet.

He agreed that he did not want rotten teeth and let me brush them.

This is what I do:

What's that in your mouth? Is it a crocodile? Ooh he isn't supposed to be on there shall we brush him out? Let's try and get he tail first. Yay got it. What about his feet? Etc etc. My son sometimes has a whole zoo in there.

Since I posted this on the other thread, we've moved on and had a lifeguard and beach stuff in his mouth!

Oh I forgot doing this when eldest was a toddler. It really works! We used germs. Oh look a pink germ, oh a green one, quick catch it. He used to tell us the colour to catch next and loved it.

A friend’s small child wouldn’t consent to much teeth brushing, my friend was unwell for a long time so didn’t force it. Unfortunately the child ended up with lots of delay and she wishes she had. Completely agree on trying everything else first but for me I was willing to pin down a small child for teeth brushing and medicine when all else failed. And when I had to I did.

A lot of very useful ideas here.
I would add regular visits to the dentist so he gets used to it and understands the importance of cleaning teeth.
And no fruit juice unless a special occasion - this should be number 1 rule for healthy children's teeth. Along with limited consumption of raisins and other bad sticky stuff.

The more you piss about with songs and games etc, the more he's going to play up.

If all that isn't working, you need to use force. Just as you'd use force if he kept trying to run across a road.

I have always wondered why pre-school teeth extraction is so high. I think I wrongly assumed a lot of parents just couldn’t be bothered or forgot to brush their children’s teeth - I think a surprising amount of adults actually don’t brush their teeth daily either, so I thought maybe they didn’t think it a big deal. Turns out there is really this kind of pussyfooting around parenting going on. You see it in lots of aspects of children’s lives, but I didn’t think people actually were so soft they even applied it to the basics of tooth brushing. If your child did a shit in their nappy in the morning and they hated getting it changed would you just leave them in it for the whole day, until you can gently persuade them to hold still while you changed and cleaned them? I don’t think this is much less neglectful than that.

Things that have worked. She still has breakfast in the high chair so when she refuses I say “ok let me know when you are ready” and sit down and have a coffee and read the newspaper on my phone. First time took ten minutes. Pointing out that highway rat has yellow teeth because he doesn’t brush them. Tell her that she has to brush her teeth to be allowed into her gymnastics class,

I let ds brush mine while I do his and then he "finishes off" sometimes we swap and he'll brush first and then I finish off for him, it doesn't always work.

He also has 2 toothbrushes so gets to choose which one is used.

OP will you force him to put his shoes on, his clothes? There's a difference between forcing and hurting and firmly getting the job done so their teeth don't fall out!

Try all the suggestions and then, if they don't work, just hold him and do it. You're the parent so you need to make good decisions for him while he's too young to make them for himself.

My dentist said (when my child didn’t want to let her see his teeth) that she’d rather a child loses a tooth or two than be scared of the dentist…

But that said she was a terrible dentist 🤣

Anyway. OP. Things that worked for us at various different times

• Propping ipad above bathroom sink to play a video during toothbrush (at an age when child very rarely saw ipad). He would freeze to watch it and we could do quick teethbrush
• holding child in lap and tickling him / being silly, until he laughed, and then doing a quick rub around his teeth with toothpaste on my finger
• Brushbaby dental wipes
• Zero sugar / fruit juice on days where child wouldn’t do teeth.
• Brushing my teeth in front of child and letting him have a turn at doing mine then I had a turn at doing his.
• electric toothbrush with exciting light

Teaching him to spit the toothpaste out instead of eating it was the hardest part

Honestly op you just have to do it even if that involves getting physical. You're doing the child a disservice otherwise.

At 2 they shouldn't be having so much of a say in tooth brushing, they're not capable of doing a decent job at that age. It really is down to the adults to take charge and get the job done for them.

My dh had 5 baby teeth out under general anaesthetic. It's a completely miserable time for all involved, trust me.

We tried -

Brushing while still in the bath
Brushing before the bath
Brushing ours at the same time
Videos on YouTube Kids about brushing teeth
Two brushes to choose from

Keep trying, they'll eventually get there.

I'm all for trying one 'nicer approach' like songs or bribery, but bloody hell if your child is just not listening then you are being kinder to just brush their teeth or they'll have tooth problems. Why on earth is your 2 year old in charge 🤦🏼‍♀️

My DD likes to watch a video on YouTube of another toddler brushing her teeth while we do hers. Just search for "toddler brushing teeth".

There is a great Hey Duggee tooth brushing song too. It's on iPlayer.

We also use the Disney Oral B app where they brush along to reveal a picture then collect it for a virtual "album".

And we offer a choice of two toothpastes so she gets some say in it.

I have occasionally had to use force but like you I am not a fan of doing that. It feels like torture! Doing it earlier rather than later often helps, if they're tired resistance tends to be more vociferous.

Letting his teeth rot because you're too soft to hold him down and brush his teeth is neglect. If you're happy with that then crack on but if you'd rather not neglect him then you are going to have to get a grip I'm afraid.

Why won't you hold him down??

Even my dentist said when my toddler was refusing and I had - until that point - refused to her hold her down - that a parent holding their child down for 60 seconds of brushing is a million times better than a stranger dentist holding them down to remove rotten teeth

Comments like this are so self-righteous, rude and unnecessary. She's posting because she wants ideas that will make it easier to clean his teeth, she's not saying "oh he doesn't like it so I'll just let them rot". Get a grip yourself.