Getting so angry with my toddler

[Horriblefeelings]

How normal are my feelings?

Today is fairly typical. DD woke at 6. Went down for milk and some CBeebies, breakfast at 7. Going out to a national trust place in the morning so have to get ready. Shower and dress with DD charging around like a whirlwind upstairs, pulling towels off rails and yanking the toilet roll off it’s holder. She’s obsessed with closing doors so I’m constantly having the door shut in my face then her shouting to be rescued. She screams and yells so much. I’m feeling like my default setting to her is a startled ‘what? What is it?’ as she gives these bloodcurdling screams when she can’t do something.

We go out and she’s great, no trouble at all. Leave at midday, and she falls asleep in the car. Wakes at quarter to two. Since then it’s just constant carnage. Climbing on things. Knocking anything she can over. Throwing cushions from the sofa on the floor. She climbed on the sofa and was throwing framed photographs from the windowsill on the floor. I yelped in alarm and she burst into tears. Comforted her and she calms down and then starts trying to yank the drawers from a side unit out and screaming because she can’t. By this point I was so fed up and yelled at her to just leave it alone and go and play with some toys and for gods sake to stop trashing the house.

i feel awful now but I’m sick of it. Trying to cook dinner and she’s trying to climb up the side of the oven, screams if the dishwasher door is slightly open, constantly turns sockets on and off. I’m fed up.

It can be so hard can't it. Will she do anything constructive whilst you cook like play with some things on her high chair tray or some dried pasta, a wooden spoon and a couple of saucepans on the floor?

How old is she? Toddler can be anything from 1 to 3.

My first was like that!! Just absolutely mental. My second is a lot more chill. So you definitely have it harder than it can be. Today sounds exhausting. My sympathies. You know how you feel about today and you know you can try a different tactic tomorrow. At this age its all about redirection. Get her involved in what you can and when she can't be involved try to set her up with something first. Does she sit for TV at all? I used to save TV time for preparing dinner but I can't remember what age he would actually sit for that!

How old is she

iPad ….? Sounds like she doesn’t know how to relax and calm down.

Thanks for being kind! Sorry @AliceW89 - she is 19 months.

She is lovely and she’s cuddly, affectionate, eats well, sleeps well. I can’t complain. But I just don’t know where her energy comes from. It’s so full on and constant. Today has felt exceptionally difficult. She will (sometimes) watch a bit of Mr Tumble or teletubbies but this is mostly in the morning - shows that apparently enchant most toddlers like Peppa Pig or Hey Dugee she isn’t interested in. I know that is a bit of a mixed blessing!

But I am so so fed up of the climbing and the shoving things off units and the pouring drinks everywhere. I know it’s normal up to a point but it feels so relentless. I don’t want to shout at her but honestly nothing else seemed to make any difference at all.

Oh god my eldest son was like that, an absolute fucking lunatic! Just a whirlwind of destruction and chaos! I'm afraid I have no advice and it's completely understandable you're frustrated, just wanted to say one day you will look back on this bonkers behaviour and laugh, I promise

It's honestly the hardest age. From 1-2 is reeeeaaaallllly tricky. When they hit 2 there are other challenges but things in other ways (specifically the behaviour you are talking about) gets easier as their language develops and you can reason with them slightly or engage them with age appropriate play and escape for 5 mins to put dinner on etc. Hang in there!

Haha thanks - language isn’t great so I know that’s a problem and causes a lot of the yells / screams. Seriously though my nerves are shot to pieces!

Oh mama I feel you!

My little boy has just turned 2 but ever since he could walk at 13 months has been a handful!

Can't leave him alone for 2 seconds without him tipping cereal on the floor, finding a pen somewhere in the depths of hell, trying to carry the hoover up the stairs, throwing his toys / cushions / anything he can get his grabby little hands on!

It's so so tough and I too sometimes feel like I've had enough of his sh*t even after I've had him for like 10 mins or so.

Little whirlwinds aren't they.

Bedtime soon 👀🙈

Sympathies cos my DS was a whirlwind toddler and constantly climbing and destroying!

You need to have a child proof space where there’s basically nothing she can damage or hurt herself with. We had a stair gate on my DS bedroom as he was out of his cot at 15m and it was basically just his bed, toys, and his wardrobe had a child lock on it. So if I was upstairs and needed to shower or whatever he went in there and he couldn’t get out!

Downstairs it was less easy as it was open plan. Child locks on everything and nothing breakable. To be honest I mostly kept cooking for when DH was home, but if I needed him away from my feet and he wouldn’t be distracted in the living room, then I could use the high chair and a snack/ some toys until he was nearly 3.

Also tv time definitely helped when I just needed to get something done or just zone out for a bit too

Mine wasn't quite like this in the sense that she wasn't so physically active/whirlwindy, but she did have colossal tantrums all the time and demand 1-on-1 active attention at all times or the tantrumming would start again, so it was exhausting. We have a tiny little kitchen so at that age I'd have to put her behind the baby gate when I was cooking because I couldn't keep her safe in the kitchen when she was too little to understand about safety or follow instructions. She would literally cling on to the gate and howl and scream the whole entire time. It was so stressful and exhausting!

Re: the telly, she's a bit little, mine didn't really sit through TV shows like Peppa/Hey Duggee at all until she was close to 2 and she couldn't sit for longer periods watching telly until she was about 2.5ish. So chances are that side of things will come a bit later - and it is very useful in some ways, but then you will have the new problem of getting them off the screens unfortunately. I used to plonk her in front of telly for cooking dinner every day once she was about 2, was the only way to do it without tantrums. But by 'cooked dinner' I would literally make oven stuff, reheat leftovers, or make super quick pasta/stir fry, etc dishes so I was 'gone' about 20 mins and I'd pop in and out even then.

It sounds like she's 'better' out and about? Mine was too - still is, at 4. We cope by being out the house as much as possible! Also now she's older - films haha but you've probably got a long wait for that if she's anything like mine.

I got drawer locks for almost every drawer in the house. Could that help prevent her taking out drawers, I know it's only a little thing. Do you get out to parks and let her run riot to get her energy out?

18-24 months I found the hardest.
It does get easier promise!

I removed everything he could reach, my house looked so bare but I was sick of saying no and picking stuff up he shouldn't be touching.
Childlocks, he soon got bored when he realised they won't open.

Stair gates.

Could you do an an hour at the park on an afternoon?

Cooking, I couldn't do until DP was home and took over, or if I really needed to, on the high chair with a snack and toys

My daughter is juuust like this I love her spirit and wildness and she is so loving and kind but she really is only happy when she's doing🤣 she does have down time and can play but it's all very much on her terms.. if it's one of those days it's going to be one of those days. She is 3 now but always been the same since a young toddler. I know all restorative practises and gentle parenting etc and i try to use them 98% of the time but sometimes you get burnt out and do shout it happens, I always make sure to calm myself as quickly as possible and really apologise to her and tell her how I was feeling - I know your daughter is younger so won't understand yet xxx

We had lots of frustration (probably on both sides) before mine could communicate properly.

If her speech & language isn't great, it's probably normal but worth doing this progress checker.

She can open stair gates - it’s a real problem as she will open them and climb up the stairs. I’ve managed to intercede so far but I am jittery about the day that she does it. She also tries to climb them.

She is better out and about - to a point. We don’t ever have a full day at home but I have also found sometimes the more we do the more hyper and over stimulated she gets. I think that was why today was so challenging - she had a great time running around and exploring this morning in a place where that was its purpose and then didn’t have a ‘proper’ nap so just continued at home.

I think this is pretty standard for a 1.5 yo to be honest. My DS only really started becoming interested in toys at 2…but even now he’d still rather empty the cupboards or mess with the washing machine or take apart my handbag then sit and play. He has never been hugely physical (I’ve never really had to worry about him climbing things), but some of his little friends have been/are. I’d say their attempts at scaling book shelves or the towel rails have eased off recently, but are still a threat! I do agree with PP, the acquisition of language does make it progressively easier. It’s nothing you aren’t or are doing, it’s definitely just a tricky phase!

The speech and language checker asked if she has at least twenty words (no) and she doesn’t point consistently. If you’re reading a book and ask ‘where is the mouse’ I know damn fine she knows where it is but she doesn’t seem to enjoy pointing it out. She’s never been as big on pointing as other kids. All the rest is normal apart from those two questions.

So word wise we have:

1. mama / mum
2. daddy
3. baby (says this when the baby on teletubbies is in the sun or when shopping and she sees one or when eg on a packet of wipes or nappies.)
4. car
5. cat (these two words sound similar)
6. yes
7. no
8. yayyyy
9. wow
10. uh oh
11. hiya / hello
12. bye bye
13. quack quack
14. truck
15. ta (thanks)

So not too far off twenty. I read loads with her when she sits down for a minute. She talks a lot but most of it is babble.

Why did you comfort her after she cried when you told her off ? Throwing photo frames is dangerous she did need to be really told off for that and you shouldn't have felt guilty when she got upset. It does sound as though you need to be stricter. Yes she is young but I'm sure she understands no. Don't let her touch your stuff like going into drawers etc. Say firmly no that's not yours and move her away. This is the perfect age for starting to be firm and clear with boundaries and don't feel bad about it

That level of destruction isn't normal in any kids i've seen of that age, what are the consequences for her when she does those things?

I've never really done any of the 'gentle parenting' and the few times my DD was destructive at that age it got nipped in the bud very quickly. I would never have allowed her to essentially destroy the house

She does understand no, but she largely ignores it. I probably do need to be stricter but it’s difficult ‘disciplining’ at this age. Move her away from something and she goes straight back or she finds something else. It does feel like I’m just constantly taking things away and saying no. I genuinely don’t really know what consequences I should be implementing. Of course for older children you might take away TV time or a toy but at this age that’s meaningless.

Ok so if she's not pointing and doesn't have 20 words yet, I think it's worth doing the MChat test, just to see what her risk of ASD might be.

You have my deepest sympathies I had one very similar.

I found some kind of group or play in the morning ideallY walkable worked the best because then I could get actual downtime whilst they were sleeping.

Afternoon park or somewhere open with as much running about as possible.

Cocomelon was really helpful. It’s on Netflix YouTube etc. It is essentially parent torture but great for entertaining small ones without the attention span for episode. It’s nursery rhymes so your little one will likely be familiar already with the songs.