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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

No nursery until 2.5/3 years old

67 replies

Louisec128 · 07/08/2022 08:53

Hello. We have a toddler who is 2.5 years old, he currently doesn't attend nursery or anything like that, as my mum watches him the 2 days I work. Were thinking of starting him 2 mornings a week in a term or so, but just wondering what everyone else's experiences were of children that didn't start until around this age and how they got on? Did they settle ok? I'm a bit apprehensive about how he'll be without me/his dad/my mum.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Albgo · 07/08/2022 08:55

Similar position. My boy will be 3 in November and is starting nursery for the first time this September. He'll be going for 2 afternoons a week. I think it's going to be a real shock for him as he's used to 1-1 focus - either me or my sister.

BendingSpoons · 07/08/2022 08:57

Mine both started mornings at 3.5 years. They both settled really well. They were old enough to understand they went to nursery and mummy/daddy picked them up before lunch. Your DS is a bit younger but you could help him with pictures e.g. breakfast, nursery, granny comes, lunch etc.

Spottybotty20 · 07/08/2022 08:58

My ds started at 3 and was fine, I’ll do the same with dd

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KateRusby · 07/08/2022 09:00

I started both mine at 12 months (work) which was easy enough but if I hadn't I do think they'd have struggled to start around age 2. By 3 I think they have a better understanding that your are returning. Mine are both worriers like I was though, some children are more easy going.

Rainallnight · 07/08/2022 09:02

DS started full time at 3. I was very worried about what a big change it would be for him but he absolutely adored it.

DaisyWaldron · 07/08/2022 09:07

I was a SAHP when the DCs were little so they were with me until they started in the early years unit at their primary school when they were 3. They were absolutely fine - it felt like the right time for them, when they were becoming more interested in playing with other children, and less dependent on their closest family members.

Skyeheather · 07/08/2022 09:26

DS started council nursery just after his third birthday. He was getting bored being at home with Mummy, bored of his toys, bored of the TV etc. I thought it would be good for him to go to nursery, make some friends, be able to paint, play in the water etc without Mummy shouting at him not to make too much mess. He hated it the first two weeks then went the opposite way, couldn't wait to go, got upset on Saturday morning that nursery was shut etc! He went four afternoons a week.

DS is starting in September, three days a week. Again he's ready to move on from being stuck at home with Mummy full time.

Original poster

Louisec128 · 07/08/2022 09:58

Thanks everyone, it's nice to know it's fairy common, I seem to get a lot of people giving me the "oh so he's not in nursery or anything still?" comments which I found a bit concerning, as if it's a bad move? His understanding for a 2.5 year old is very good, and he understands "school" but if I ask him if he wants to go so he can play, make friends, paint explore etc he says "no me sad I miss mummy". I do think he'd settle after some time, he tends to be a quick learner/adapter, but I really don't like the thought of leaving him upset or forcing him and imagining him crying there breaks my heart, especially when technically he doesn't have to go yet, but our thinking is it'd be better to start him a couple of mornings a week before the end of the year as we're expecting another baby in February, so I don't want him starting around the arrival of the new baby to avoid him feeling like he's being replaced. I also don't want him to start 5 mornings a week next September without any exposure beforehand and would prefer to gradually increase the time there?

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CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan · 07/08/2022 10:05

My daughter has just turned 3 and will be going in September. I've noticed over the past couple of months that she would benefit going to nursery. We've spoke to her teacher a few times when picking my niece up from school and she's excited to go. (Probably totally different in September)
My niece was the same, didn't start nursery until the term after she was 3 and settled very quickly! She was excited to be at nursery with the other children.

CoreyTaylorsbiggestfan · 07/08/2022 10:06

Also she's going x1 half day and 2 full days

stargirl1701 · 07/08/2022 10:06

Both my DC started at 3. It's the traditional age for starting nursery.

Albgo · 07/08/2022 11:45

I bought a couple of story books about starting nursery and have been reading them to him to help him get used to the idea. I've also taken him up there to see the outside of the building so it won't be such a strange place for him when we go for his settling in days.

Original poster

Louisec128 · 07/08/2022 11:54

That's why I'm a bit taken aback whrn people act surprised he's "still" not in nursery :s makes me concerned he'll struggle when he starts because of these remarks I guess.

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Seeline · 07/08/2022 12:00

I was a SAHM. DS did a couple of mornings at a playschool at about 3 when I had DD, and then started the school nursery (morning only) in the September before Reception - he was nearly 4. DD was summer born and only did the school nursery bit just after her 3rd birthday.

I took both to toddler groups and classes so we're both used to being with other children, but I think the year of school nursery helped them settle in Reception quickly.

Ihavekids · 07/08/2022 12:03

Hello, I just noticed you mentioned that you have another little one on the way and you want to get him started before the arrival. I think you're absolutely right about this. In no way do you want him to associate the separation of going to nursery with the baby's arrival. I'd definitely get him settled in a nursery asap. It will be hard, yes, but it often is, it's something they go through and learn from.
Both of mine started at same age as yours. The crying and reaching for you when you leave really is heart wrenching, but they get through it in a couple of weeks as they learn you come back. There's no harm done, I promise, in fact it's a really positive thing that they learn they can handle this.
Get him in nursery asap. You'll need the time with the new baby.

acorntotree · 07/08/2022 12:12

My two both started at 3 when we got the free 15 hours which they built up to slowly. Before this they were just home with me. They are both confident children and settled well at school, have never cried when I have left them and have plenty of friends. No issues here.

dementedpixie · 07/08/2022 12:17

My 2 never went until they got their free hours age 3.

Blogdog · 07/08/2022 12:23

My older two started at 12 months but my youngest didn’t start until 3 as we had a nanny at that point. I wish I’d started him earlier tbh - he was used to having his own space and freedom and found the routine and restrictions of nursery hard to cope with. It took him a long time to settle.

I think it does very much depends on the child and the nursery though - he is very strong willed and the nursery was on the more regimented side so I don’t think they were a good match in retrospect.

Bootothegoose · 07/08/2022 12:26

They'll be absolutely fine. DS was 'late' due to Covid and absolutely adored it. He was wobbly for the first few weeks but after that he loved it and would often cry on the school run when he realised he was staying with mummy.

They're very resilient at the age and my sister, who is a teacher, says that by Christmas they can't tell the difference between kept at home, childminder, nursery or preschool. Do what you think is best and they'll all thrive!

KangarooKenny · 07/08/2022 12:28

Mine went from the age of 2 and they were ready for it. Learning to share and take turns is crucial when young.

Original poster

Louisec128 · 18/08/2022 23:29

Sorry I completely lost track of replying here. I'm thinking of starting him 2 morning in Oct / Nov but I can't even put into words how anxious I feel about leaving him somewhere that's totally foreign with strangers because I'm so upset at the thought of him being worried /scared/upsey....

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Whathefisgoingon · 19/08/2022 13:16

We started mine at 2 year and 2 months, prior to this he’d never been left with anyone else.

The first 3/4 sessions he was very upset at drop off, but after that he totally fell in love with it.

He goes 3 half days a week and talks to me about his time at nursery on the days off all the time. He often asks to go to nursery too! When he attends, he now runs in and doesn’t even look back to say goodbye!

His speech had come on loads since he started and he surprises us every day with new things.

Whathefisgoingon · 19/08/2022 13:18

I was really anxious too, since he was born just before the first lockdown and had been with us all that time - but for him, it really has been great. It’s fantastic for them at this age, but I don’t think there’s a benefit before 2. They get so much from nursery, far more than I could give at home!

Idiotintraining · 19/08/2022 13:35

My son started in Jan. His teacher said start off slow. So we did monday and weds. Then moved onto additional days as the school used the 15hrs free childcare. He turned 4 in the March and we started adding afternoons as the teacher said he would get used to a full day as thats how it would be in school.

He started reception in the September.

He loved it and pretty soon asked to go everyday.

I was apprenhsive to. But I knew where be was and the school called me mid morning to let me know how he was and how he had got on. That gave me confidence

Original poster

Louisec128 · 12/10/2022 22:36

Hello! Our son will be 3 in Jan and we're expecting the arrival of baby no.2 in February. As is stands, he spends 2 days a week with my mum when I work, so we've been lucky that we haven't had to send him to nursery/childminders. He won't be eligible for free childcare until April, but me and other half can't agree in when he should start preschool. We have provisionally got him booked in to start in December, 2 mornings a week, because we think it'd be good for him to get some exposure before nursery starts properly in September. However, I'm not sure whether December is our best bet, or whether to wait until it become free in April. Other half thinks he'd be better starting Dec so he doesn't assosiate starting nursery with the arrival of the baby, but I think April is far enough away from the arrival of the baby so that this association wouldn't be an issue? I just think with a newborn around it'll be hard to wake on winter mornings on sleepless nights to get him ready and out of the house etc I'm also not 100% sure he's ready, I'm anticipating a lot of tears and heartbreak leaving him, on both his and my side. What do you all think?

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