No nursery until 2.5/3 years old

[Louisec128]

Hello. We have a toddler who is 2.5 years old, he currently doesn't attend nursery or anything like that, as my mum watches him the 2 days I work. Were thinking of starting him 2 mornings a week in a term or so, but just wondering what everyone else's experiences were of children that didn't start until around this age and how they got on? Did they settle ok? I'm a bit apprehensive about how he'll be without me/his dad/my mum.

Our two started at 2.5 and 3 exactly. They were both ready and benefitted hugely from it. Both 2 mornings per week, I think it was, initially. Gradually increased until foundation year at school.

He’ll be fine. Lots of kids don’t start nursery till 3 or so. It’s totally normal.

My DS was 3 in July and started nursery in September. He's settled brilliantly. Never had an issue going in. He absolutely loves it and is really thriving at nursery. Due babies 2&3 in December so was glad he had a couple of months to adjust to nursery first.

If your DS is starting in April it still gives him a couple of months adjustment as a big brother etc!

Ignore the "not at nursery yet" crowd. Most of 70s/80s kids didnt go to nursery (or playschool as it was often called back then) until we were 3.5 or 4 - that was the standard way then. Did it affect us adversely.............. nope! Do what seems best for you and your children and ignore the opinions of others.

Thank you. We (me and his dad) just can't agree now on Dec vs April ish - he's adamant it should be before the baby arrives, whereas I think a few months after would be better!

I think before is definitely the way to go. When baby 2 arrives you're not going to have much time for your toddler, so giving him a space where he can get away from the baby will be really helpful for him. I'd actually start sooner than Dec if you can, so he has enough time to get used to it.

I agree with your DH, before is the way forward. Get him settled before baby comes.

I’d definitely go pre baby! That way he should be settled and happy by the time baby comes so it’ll be one less thing to worry about and you don’t risk him associating it with being pushed out for baby.

I also think 2.5-3 is the perfect age to start. Of course there are lovely nurseries that do a great job of looking after the tiny ones but 2.5 is when they really start to appreciate their peers and get something out of it as opposed to it just being for childcare purposes. Weirdly in my area starting earlier than that is actually pretty unusual as it’s either SAHMs or nannies- most of the local nurseries don’t even take kids younger than 18 months and a lot are 2+.

Kindly, I think you’re being s bit dramatic about it before it’s happened. You’re coming across as negative with all this talk of heartbreak and crying, it’s nursery OP, not Alcatraz. He will be fine and the more positive about the transition you are, the better for him.

Hahaha! Thanks for your replies, I guess you (and he) is right, at least this way I can focus on this milestone solely with just him rather than also with a newborn around, so I can be as much support as possible for him. Thank you!

He says what he does because you are framing it all wrong. You don't say 'do you want to make friends etc' you say 'oh isn't it exciting, nursery will be SO much fun!'
You are projecting your own reluctance on to him. If you had introduced this as 'gosh you are getting such a big boy now I think they might even let you go to Nursery soon! Where the other big kids go to play and have fun!' he would only ever have seen it as a desirable goal to achieve, not a scary place without mummy.

All the faux wide eyed 'will my child be ok at nursery at 2.5' thing kind of irritates me, of course they bloody will, along with all the other hundreds of thousands of toddlers at Nursery up and down the country 🤔

And definitely before baby arrives. If baby arrives and a few months later he starts nursery he'll think the new baby replaced him at home.

My oldest went to our local childcare playgroup from 2.5 and my youngest has just turned 2.5 and starts next week. Oldest settled in really well. Like you I was worried about her being older and whether she'd struggle as a lot of friends had had children in nursery since 12 months ish so they'd got over that hurdle early and were totally used to being left. But I found 2.5 a good age for being able to articulate any worries and also being at a great stage for loving the playing and everything in the new environment. My youngest has had settling in sessions and looks set to enjoy it too.

I agree on the before the baby idea too - when my youngest was born my oldest was similar age to yours and it was lockdown at the time - I think her having something consistent she was already settled into and could have gone out to would really have helped with the transition.

Plus you're right you'd be able to devote yourself to the transition into nursery for oldest more without getting the hang of taking a newborn along at the same time.

Meant to say we started for oldest with two mornings a week too and increased it to three when funding kicked in at 3.

This time actually starting just one morning a week but that's a bit of an experiment - might turn out that two would help her settle quicker but I've a feeling she's on track to settle regardless so we're starting with one and thinking to maybe increase to two after Christmas.

My daughter started at 3 and settled in quite easily (too easily, was harder to get her to leave nursery at the end of the day than drop her off!). My son didn't start until he was nearly 4 (kept putting it off because of the pandemic) and settled in wonderfully.

I'd go with December so he's well settled before the baby comes, and I'd up it to three mornings in a row if you can afford it. The staff at our nursery always say it's the ones who are in full-time that settle quickest, and the ones who are only in one or two days who struggle. They don't have long enough to get used to it and build momentum.

Definitely before, I started DD in nursery a few months before her brother was born, which frankly was a godsend when I was heavily pregnant. It also meant she was settled and happy there when her brother came, and she didn't feel pushed out as going to nursery was routine by then.

As others have said, better idea of being picked up agsin, more jnterested in interacting with other children and youve given them a secure start. It's an advantagr not a disadvantage. They can also communicate if there's anything wrong both to you and to the nursery staff.

Why the assumption that he'll cry and be upset and miss you. Solve that by talking to him now, sell it to him, tell him it's time to go, what he'll learn and do. Don't project your anxiety onto him. If he's keen, he'll run off, have fun, and then be pleased to see you when you pick him up.

Came back to this thread on a different username but my daughter started nursery in September after just turning 3. She goes 2.5 days and loves it. Settled in really well, loves her teachers! Never been to nursery before!

Agree about that. I dropped my daughter to part time after a few months and she started struggling then, once I put her back to full time she got on much better. The staff said the same thing, its easier for them to settle if they go full time as they don't have to constantly readjust.

3 is the best age for starting imo (and I have worked in early years education).

This was me as a child and apparently i was feral as i hadn't socialised with others so bit everyone and pushed them off bikes. I'm probably the exception though as apparently i was a demon child 😂.

Also I would go with him starting before baby comes and get him familiar with going! It's a big adjustment! X

I also think it dorsnt make much sense saying send them full time at 3 so theyll get used to it for when they start school...well, surely, theyll get used to it at 5 rather than 3 then and be more likely to be ready for the change?