No nursery until 2.5/3 years old

[Louisec128]

Hello. We have a toddler who is 2.5 years old, he currently doesn't attend nursery or anything like that, as my mum watches him the 2 days I work. Were thinking of starting him 2 mornings a week in a term or so, but just wondering what everyone else's experiences were of children that didn't start until around this age and how they got on? Did they settle ok? I'm a bit apprehensive about how he'll be without me/his dad/my mum.

Can you take your child to play groups? It's a nursery-style environment but with you still there so could make a nice transition / build up to going to nursery. This is what I did with ds - he got to socialise but with me in the background drinking coffee! Then when he did go to nursery it didn't feel like such a big deal.

Schools tend to assume that children starting have been in some sort of setting, so they're used to being in a group, listening, sharing, using the toilet independently etc. I think a child going straight from home to school would find it quite a change and the expectations may be a bit high. I'm sure they'll get there, but most parent want those first few weeks at school to be as easy as possible.

I agree with this! For both of mine I've taken them to toddlers stay and play groups regularly for at least a few months beforehand, originally popping in for an hour or so and then building up to staying the full 2 hours, and both times it has been really helpful. When they started they'd look for me to play with them all the time but as time went on would relax until they weren't noticing how long I was away doing the dishes or having a coffee at the other end of the room. Made the transition to going to an environment they'd be left in for the first time easier I think as it was similar, they felt confident in it, and had got more confident with other parents and helpers too so were used to seeking out other adults when they needed them as well.

Definitely agree with getting him off to nursery before he gets a new sibling. That way he won't feel 'sent away' and you can really play up the idea that he is the 'big boy' going to nursery.
Routine is good for kids this age and getting them used to being cared for by others, and being in a group of other children. That way you are less likely to be the parent of 'that kid', clinging to you howling on the first day of Reception, and he will learn good social skills.

My first was 2.5 when he started nursery 2 mornings a week. He is so bright, confident and friendly and he ran in the first day no tears. He didn't start until a little later than some because I was so anxious about him being taken care of by 'strangers' or what if he needs me etc. I also felt guilty putting him in nursery because I worked evenings so didn't need the childcare but I knew it was beneficial for him so went from there! It has been the best thing for him and I'm glad we took the step when we did, and my 2nd will probably start around the same age

I agree, get him in asap, before baby arrives. And start going to play groups now, to help him adjust to nursery next month.

Thinking of going myself! what's not to like? Snack time. Messy play : sand, paint, building blocks. Happy days.

Mine went to the local ‘pre-school’ from 2.5 for a few hours a day. They loved it, but for them it was an obvious progression from the local playgroup (2 mornings a week) that the same children had been to from birth, plus another monthly group in the school hall, music group etc.

I think nursery at 2.5 / 3 from absolutely no children’s groups at all would be a shock, but from the ‘normal’ diet of playgroups with mums / grandparents/ childminders staying would be fine. If you aren’t going to any ‘stay and play’ group play sessions - whatever they are called locally - then that is definitely a task for you / your mum over the coming weeks as a gradual transition.

Before would be better, you will really appreciate the breathing space around the baby and if he's going part time it's the best of both worlds. I agree with PP that you're probably (unconsciously) putting your anxiety into the way you're describing it, don't ask him if he wants to go, tell him that there's this exciting new play group he's going to, what a big boy he is now etc. Mine gets so much benefit from going, the socialisation and the new activities. Going in December means he will be well setttled once baby arrives and you can do one on one bonding a bit more. My 3 yo went two days when my baby was born. It's hard work with both, let me tell you!

I'm with your DH - definitely start him in December. Remember how you feel with a newborn - emotional and teary? In the nicest possible way, it sounds as though this is something you struggle with anyway. It's so important to learn to put a brave face on things in front of your children and you're going to find that easier without being on the hormonal rollercoaster that having a newborn brings.

Please don't tell him you'll miss him or be sad, and don't suggest that he might be sad or miss you either. Far from being a way to express how much you love him, it is actually a really controlling and damaging way of making him feel responsible for your emotions. You're going to have to get used to him getting more independent - starting school, sleepovers with friends, residentials with school/scouts, etc. And although the activities change and get more adventurous, there's no magic age where it gets any easier. Mine might be 6'2" and officially an adult, but that doesn't stop me from worrying about him having moved away and starting university. The trick is to manage your emotions and send them off with a smile.

@KweenieBeanz what a horrible presumptious reply. Your commenting on a post from months ago, when he definitely was not ready for nursery, hence his reply, so no actually I haven't put any negativity on him, I'm actually a primary school teacher and worked as a ed welfare office for 8 years, so your comment is uneducated. Bore off.

My 2.5 yo has just started at nursery. Previously had been cared for by grandparents 2 days a week but never with 'strangers' in formal childcare. He's taken about a month to settle and now loves it and goes in/ comes out happily. We did have a rough couple of weeks where he was saying he didn't want to go and was unsettled whilst there, but I'm really glad we persevered. I have another baby due in December, and I'm hoping nursery will be a point of stability for him whilst everything else is up in the air. Also added bonus of giving me a big of breathing space before/ after the birth.

Also should have said he is doing 2 mornings a week - that seems to be working well, although the gap in time from the Thursday until the following Tuesday I do think meant it took longer for him to settle.

We didn’t send dc until 3. Its not like I kept her locked in a room until then. We went to story time at the library and playtime at the community center. We just didn’t worry about separation from parents and group instruction until she was. 3 and fully potty trained. It’s plenty of time to give the kids practice of being in a class before reception.

@DontMakeMeShushYou I definitely wouldnt tell him I'll be sad and miss him, I'm not stupud 😂 I of course tell him and show him all the fun things he gets to do and all the new toys and experiences

and yes playgroups are already a part of his weekly activities (twice) along with swimming lessons and playdate - so he already is exposed in many ways which I agree helps :) thanks everyone (those of you who were actually useful that is!)

Both of my sons started at about 2.5 years. The difference in their development since starting was astonishing. Both were late talkers/communicators and Shia round others and nursery offered a new learning environment where they could gain confidence and establish some of their own relationships. I didn't want to send either of them and I didnt need to, but they needed to go and for us I think that was a good age!