What age do children leave you alone

[homarr]

I am home with my 2&5 year old children.

They have spent the entire day saying "mum, mum, mum, mum", "can you get me a drink? can you get me some food? Can you help me put my clothes on? Can you change the channel? Can we go out yet? Will you play a game? Can we have a bath?"

Endless tasks that they make me do. I have literally ran around like a blue arsed fly all weekend.

If I leave the house with them it's great & we have a nice time but as soon as we come back it's "What are we doing next? Are we going back out?".

I just want to be left alone for 10 minutes.

What age does this stop??

We got DD to start showering herself (6yo) which was amazing as I could sit outside the bathroom reading and listening out for screams or silence. So much better than supervising bathtime and the endless faffing around.

Then she realised parental attention was not focussed on her so started demanding one of us be in the bathroom answering questions!

Just don’t pander to it. My eldest is nearly 8 and she’s always amused herself as I was a busy single mum working and studying. They are capable of being left alone, and it’s good for them to have the independence.

My nearly 9 year old and 5 year old are like this and it is exhausting. My 7 year old is great and leaves me alone for half an hour here and there, I just wish he'd teach his siblings what to do!

I’ve trained mine. I have a morning out to tire them physically and get some fresh air every day then after lunch they can chill at home but they have to leave me alone. They are good friends though so they have each other and are quite happy with that for a few hours in the afternoon. They’re 9 and 7

This is definitely an area where it pays to put the leg work in earlier on. Teach them certain basic skills, then instruct from afar until they've got it, and finally leave them to it. You then can't go back to doing that thing for them, or they will hassle you every time on the off chance you'll do it. My friend recently stopped a conversation mid way to answer her nearly-6yo's call to wipe his bum for him. Amazingly, he manages perfectly well at school (I know because I asked my friend!), but knows he doesn't need to bother at home as his mum will do it. Skills to get taught early include dressing, bum wiping, getting a cup of water from the sink, carrying their own small rucksack when out/on the school run, and making cereal/toast (latter can be done from 4yo if you get wooden toast tongs IME). In the school holidays I also issue each child with a snack box each day. They can eat them immediately in one sitting or pace themselves through the day, but we are all very clear that those are the only snacks for today and when they're gone, they're gone. It doesn't eliminate the "Muuuuuuuuuum?"-ing, but has meant I have been sat quietly upstairs recharging for the last hour with just the cat for company (my DCs are 6 and 8yo). It helps of you are able to ignore the shouts for you too - if it's important they'll come and find you, but there's a good chance they'll realise it actually isn't that important/doing it themselves is less effort than hunting you down.

Mine are 2 and 4 so I feel your pain! Occasionally they will go and play together quietly for 10-20 minutes by themselves, which is bliss! Often they just end up arguing and it dissolves into one of them pushing the other so I have to break it up.l and my peace ends sharpish.

I feel your pain - I've had the exact same today. He wanted breakfast, he wanted a drink, he wanted TV on, he wanted more breakfast, he wanted snack (literally straight after breakfast), he wanted to show me his map yada yada yada .....all day.
He's 5 so learning how to use the tv - sometimes he does it, sometimes not.
The only thing he managed on his own today was to go in the freezer to put ice in his drink whilst I was upstairs on mumsnet tidying. I came down to find he'd left the freezer door open!! 😩

Mid thirties

My 20 year old ds can hear me enter the kitchen from a country mile away "muuuum, get me something to eat while you're there", my 16 year old dd never asks me for anything.

Love this post

As a mother of two adults, I can categorically say that this is not true - sorry!

I remember a blissful Sunday when youngest was about 5 and eldest was about 13. Dh and I were sitting on the sofa enjoying the Sunday papers, when I had a "something's not happening" niggle. You know that "it's too quiet - what's wrong?" feeling.

But it wasn't quiet. I could hear dc playing together, some of their voices from the garden and some from upstairs. Nobody was fighting. Nobody was crying. Nobody had needed us since lunchtime. This state continued until we called the dc for supper.

That was the first time in 13 years that dh and I spent an afternoon in the same place as our dc, without actively parenting anyone.

Yes, it was blissful.

No, it didn't last.

That intensity goes by about 6 usually (and if you train them to amuse themselves and be somewhat independent) They still need you but but not in that relentless way.

Mine are 12 and 14 and really tend to be pretty good at managing themselves although I do obviously cook meals etc but I try and make them take buses etc

My two never really did this. I don't know why. I played with them, entertained them etc, but I said right, now you need to do xxx, play, watch tv etc, because mummy needs to xxxx cook, iron, sit down for a bit.

5 onwards if you put the effort in.

My 7 and 8 year olds know to go downstairs themselves on a weekend and put the tv/draw etc. They get themselves breakfast, empty the dishwasher.

They are messy, but I get them to put things away and slowly it sinks in.

I also tell them to go and find something to do (in a jolly tone) as I’m busy and they do.

What TheRealPink said basically.

Teenage years are the start. Today my 24 year old called me to tell me about her day and I have been grinning for the last half hour due to it.

I kinda miss the days of " mum .. mumm

MUUUUUUMMMM!!"

I do think you need to train them to be more independent. I shuddered when my work colleague said that her 15 year old didnt make her own toast as she was worried she might burn herself on the toaster 🙄. She literally did everything for her children. I think by 7/8 you can teach them to make breakfast for themselves. Mine are 12 and 16 and we have to drag them downstairs for dinner.

To start with training them up can take more time than doing it yourself but the aim of the game is never to do anything for them that they can do themselves and ,if you have to intervene, you do so to demonstrate and teach, not to actually do it for them.

”Muuuuuum, I can’t find my shoes” = “Tell me all the places you have already looked and I’ll see if I can think of anywhere new for you to look”

”Mum, I need a drink” - I’ll show you how to get one

”I don’t know what to do now” - I don’t mind what you to but if you can’t think of anything then I do have some boring jobs you can help with.

No one is allowed to say the word ‘bored’ and if you talk to me in a whiny voice, I will tell you that I can’t really understand whining and I will not be able to hear properly until you use your ordinary voice.

Arguing is allowed but only so quietly that I cannot hear it. I am not a referee.

Neither of mine has asked me to do anything since they were about 6! But I’m pretty horrible.

IME teenagers not only leave you alone, but actually recoil at any type of parent initiated contact as well.

Mine are 4 and 7 and in the holidays/weekends I stick to a bit of a routine to ensure they don't bug me all day eg mornings I am busy with housework etc, they need to watch TV/play in garden/rooms/sit and colour at the kitchen table, same while I am cooking dinner. In between, I will happily play with them and make sure I give them my full attention... They are now quite good at entertaining themselves during those fixed times as they expect it each day.

Around 45-50.

This really made me smile!

Umm, well it gets less frequent but my adult DD's ask me for things pretty often, more than once per day, despite not living with me most of the time!

8 and 4 year old here, can’t do anything by themselves, I’m absolutely exhausted and it’s only day1 of the holidays, today we have:

been to a crafty story time session
visited the playground
played a game
had lunch
tidied up their bedroom which took 2 hours
went on a bike ride
played play doh restaurant for AGES!
drawing until evening meal time

now I’ve just stuck the TV on as I’m so tired and I’m wonder what on earth we shall do tomorrow.