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Parenting

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Original poster

I’m a failure. Please help. I feel sick.

97 replies

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:03

I love my DD she’s my entire life I cannot imagine life without her. I cannot stop feeling like I’m failing her and my partner. She’s had an accident when she was staring to crawl when she hit her head and it left a permanent mark, then she had an accident where she hit her head on the concrete and today she hit her cheek at swimming. I honestly feel like from morning to night all I’m thinking about are these accident and the more I think about them the more they happen. I watch her like a hawk but these accidents just seem to be coming. She’s so 16 months and walking and is into everything. Im
worried because despite me watching her every move she’s still getting hurt. I must be an I believably rubbish mum and she deserves better than me. I can’t stop crying and feeling guilty.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ObviouslyNotNow · 16/07/2022 18:05

Take a breath, have a cup of tea, be kind to yourself. Falling over and bashing themselves is what toddlers do. It doesn’t make you a bad mum.

Hugasauras · 16/07/2022 18:05

Mobile toddlers get bumps and bruises. It's impossible to avoid it and is just part of their learning process. It's impossible to learn to walk and stand without falling over. You can baby proof as much as you can but they will still find something to bash themselves on!

Luredbyapomegranate · 16/07/2022 18:07

She’s a toddler. Bashing themselves and into everything is what toddlers do. It’s how they learn.

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Areil · 16/07/2022 18:09

Oh love you’re not a failure. Kids fall and get bumps and bruises and scars

go have a cuppa and try to relax x

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:10

i think this is stemming from the first ever fall she had which left a mark on her forehead it’s very small but noticeable when she raises her eye brows, I googled it to death and it’s an actual thing where the impact of a fall can have an effect on fat tissue so it never heals and leaves a slight dent. Since then I’ve not ever forgave myself and now all I’m focused on are accidents and trying to avoid them but the more I do the more they seem to be happening.

OP posts:

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:11

Thank you for your response honestly it’s making me feel better. I felt like reporting myself to social services because I clearly am just a negligent parent.

OP posts:

Wouldloveanother · 16/07/2022 18:11

I know it makes you feel awful but it’s normal! DD’s high chair tipped down a flight of 3 stairs and she landed on her head - I screamed and I think it took me about 3 days to get over it, although she was fine just a bit bruised. Another time she put her hand into a wax melt - equally hideous. I like to think I’m a vigilant mum but accidents happen.

Cherryblossoms85 · 16/07/2022 18:12

Don't obsess over it. These things happen. I have a child with quite severe deformities. I drank one glass of wine that was forced on me during the 2WW and I used to obsess endlessly that it was my fault. You have to let go of it and forgive yourself and focus on your good fortune.

CheshireCats · 16/07/2022 18:12

Op, my daughter had one of those slight dents from a fall aged 2. As she grew, it stretched out and disappeared. She is a teen now and there's no sign of it- totally gone.

restedbutexhausted · 16/07/2022 18:13

If it makes you feel any better about the mark, when I was a toddler I fell over and when I stood up I had one of those puzzle pieces that have the tiny handles stuck in my forehead. Now I have a horseshoe shaped scar there forever to treasure

JustJeans · 16/07/2022 18:13

It happens! DS had a permanent row of bruises across his forehead and constantly scabbed nose at that age. It took him forever to learn to put his hands out to break his fall, and he was fearless, charging about the place at breakneck speed!
He has a scar under his chin on the same place as me, dd, and my brother, so clearly it runs in the family.

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:13

I’m so appreciative of your stories thank you so much it makes me feel like I’m not the only one going through this. Mum guilt is a real thing! Xx

OP posts:

PearTree120 · 16/07/2022 18:14

Your partner isn’t giving you a hard time about this, is he/she?

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:16

May I ask whether he’s got any permanent “dents” from the falling? My daughter fell into the side of the swimming pool today although not hard because she wasn’t running but her cheek swelled up immediately and looks bruised. Im so worried it will “dent” her skin and leave a permanent mark.

OP posts:

Marblessolveeverything · 16/07/2022 18:16

You poor thing, some toddlers do appear more prone to bumps and bruises.

Honestly I think one of the hardest part of parenting is the guilt. It happens to most of us, when I eldest started walking I basically covered our home in foam, swimming noodles etc i.e. overkill!

I can still see him balancing on the top of the cot and coming head first out, my heart stopped. He had a mark for a long time from the plastic toy he fell on to but he is now a six foot teen and no mark is visible.

Toddlers are basically drunk people who want to be stunt artists.

Sunbun19 · 16/07/2022 18:16

@Cherryblossoms85 I hope you now know and believe that the one glass of wine had zero impact on your child's deformities

Op you're not a bad mum, some children are more accident prone than others

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:17

YES! He’s said to be before that these accidents only happen when she’s with me and that they would never have happened with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

ToffeeKrisp · 16/07/2022 18:18

That made me giggle 🤭 thank you ! God bless you xx

OP posts:

TabbyCatte · 16/07/2022 18:19

It’s normal, I hope you’re feeling better now! One day my DD (she was about 16 months I think) managed to climb out of her cot and fell on the floor (she wasn’t a climber and hadn’t done it before, and never did it again). Later the same day she fell off a chair onto the kitchen floor, and then the following day she bumped heads with her big brother, giving them both giant purple eggs on their foreheads.

I had to tell nursery what a wild weekend she’d had, and felt a bit nervous doing it as I was terrified of what they’d think - until DH pointed out we’d had several calls in the weeks preceding from the nursery to tell us she’d fallen, bumped heads, or slipped off something

lanbro · 16/07/2022 18:21

I fell off a play structure in a shopping centre at age 4, 38 years ago. No protective matting in the 80s just the tiled floor, I've still got a tiny scar and I think my parents are amazing!

I dropped dd1 down the side of the bed once, I was sitting up bf in the night and I nodded off, woke up to her having slid off and down the side of the bed in-between the drawers...felt awful but it's a funny family story now!

Couldn't get dd1's bib off once, realised I was pulling her ear instead and that's why she was crying!

Couldnt shut the car door once, kept trying, dd1's fingers were in it!

Cant think of anything that happened to dd2, practice makes better, but they both love me dearly despite previous mishaps!

These things happen, don't beat yourself up about it!

Whoatealltheminieggs · 16/07/2022 18:23

Some of them are very accident prone. My first I can’t recall ever having a bump or a bruise when she was a toddler. My second literally runs into walls and the corners of anything at speed. It feels awful when they do things. I’ve spent nights and nights awake on Amazon buying baby proofing items. I know I’m not a bad mum and I’m sure you’re not either otherwise you wouldn’t be worrying.

nellytheelephant1980 · 16/07/2022 18:23

OP, stop this, you are not a bad mum!

Toddlers are a bloody nightmare. Every one of my children have done something that has left a scar - one right in the middle of her forehead! She was refusing to hold my hand up some steps up the beach and threw a wobbly, hitting her head.
Another child of mine picked up my hair straighteners and got a big burn on his hand and come to think of it, he was the same child who slipped over at swimming and had to have the back of his head glued and then a week later he was running whilst holding a toy, fell with the toy against his head and literally had a bump and cut the size of an egg on his forehead
My youngest daughter was so clumsy that every single photo of her as a toddler has a bruise on her forehead.

Please please stop over analysing this. There will be plenty more bumps and scrapes and it's NOT because you're a bad mum!

lanbro · 16/07/2022 18:23

@ToffeeKrisp do they happen more with you though because you're with her more? If he's only there a small percentage of the time then obviously less chance of an incident

GuppytheCat · 16/07/2022 18:23

In my son’s first passport photo, he has a black bruise up both cheeks where he ran into a table with his mouth wide open.

Toddlers are nutters.

Gentleness · 16/07/2022 18:23

If your child never hurts herself when she is with your partner, I think you should take a good long break and let him take over while you watch something hilarious or meet up with friends to remind yourself how to laugh and get you out of your spiralling thoughts.

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