I’m a failure. Please help. I feel sick.

[ToffeeKrisp]

I love my DD she’s my entire life I cannot imagine life without her. I cannot stop feeling like I’m failing her and my partner. She’s had an accident when she was staring to crawl when she hit her head and it left a permanent mark, then she had an accident where she hit her head on the concrete and today she hit her cheek at swimming. I honestly feel like from morning to night all I’m thinking about are these accident and the more I think about them the more they happen. I watch her like a hawk but these accidents just seem to be coming. She’s so 16 months and walking and is into everything. Im
worried because despite me watching her every move she’s still getting hurt. I must be an I believably rubbish mum and she deserves better than me. I can’t stop crying and feeling guilty.

YES! He’s said to be before that these accidents only happen when she’s with me and that they would never have happened with him

Yeah I thought as much.

he doesn’t sound supportive. Don’t let him pick away at you and undermine your confidence.

You have a DH problem. This isn't a YOU problem. What an idiot

It’s normal. DD fell flat on her face crawling at 5 months and chipped her brand-new front tooth that was only halfway through! She has to live with the chip til adult teeth come through. Think she had four black eyes by a year old: at nursery she’s known affectionately as “clumsy clot” and they once had to call home three times in one day for head injuries. They are tiny danger missiles with no sense and a lust for adventure.

Honestly, it’s perfectly normal. By the time I was three, I had:

Climbed into a tall ali-baba basket and fallen backwards, bashing my head off the concrete floor

Tried to grab something out of a drawer as mum was closing it and trapped my hand, leaving scars I still have nearly 50 years later

Shut my own (other) hand in a car door, needing a trip to hospital

My parents were amazingly attentive and responsible and were in no way to blame for my own self-inflicted traumas as an independent, fast and curious toddler. I have grown up perfectly well adjusted and with no lasting psychological effects. Just as your lovely baby will, too.

I have a permanent dent in my forehead only noticeable if pointed out. I face planted put a back door onto concrete steps. As a child of the 80s I was given an ice pop and plaster 😂my mother who didn't drink was given brandy.

If she is with you more accidents are more likely, does her dad carry her or continuously hold her hand? Then that will also impact likely hood of reducing accidents, but kids need to play and explore

@lanbro this is absolutely brilliant 😂 thank you so much for sharing. My tears have now genuinely turned into laughter xx

I certainly wouldn’t consider either of these accidents to be ‘normal’

It's normal! Take a deep breath and try to sleep it off. The more days pass, the more that sickening feeling of reliving the accident and thinking about what you could have done to prevent it fades. In the end, there really is NOTHING you could do because accidents will always happen. The guilt is real but you soon realise that there's no way you can stop everything bad from happening. 100% of people have some kind of scar from their childhood, and they don't actually care at all. Most love telling the story about it, whether it was a skating/cycling accident, something they don't remember from toddlerhood or a sibling fight gone wrong. When you hear these stories from people telling it about themselves, it's normal and amusing. You never think about how traumatised their poor mothers must have been at the time.

DD has a chipped tooth from falling hard onto a tile floor (one night in hospital). At first I hated it as I was constantly reminded of the accident but after a year or so I literally don't see it anymore since the chip is just part of her appearance.

My toddler has a forehead dent! He did a really weird fall and bashed above his eyebrow and has a dent there still and this was several months ago. I actually had no idea about the fat deposits so that explains that one for me!

Honestly bumps and bruises are all par for the course. Mr forehead dent over here is absolutely fine - toddlers are pretty rubbery!

DS has a chipped baby tooth, a scar on one elbow and another scar on one knee. He’s 6. All legacies of fun and exciting times that resulted in various dramatic splats. He’s had many other splats that didn’t result in scars too, I’m glad to say. It’s fine! They bounce at that age. They have to learn their boundaries and the only way to do that is to go splat on a fairly regular basis. All part of growing up. Be ready with cuddles,
kisses better, words of encouragement and a judiciously stocked first aid kit, and they’ll be just fine.

Accident prone children and mother here (I think it’s in our genes). Our kids have various marks and scars but I wouldn’t say I’m negligent at all. They are always covered in bruises and have some amazing stories of trips to a&e.

I have hit there heads getting them in and out of the car which I still feel bad about even though it left no mark.

There are some parents who purposely hurt their children and cause them harm / find it funny. You are in no way at all on the same level as these parents.

Please don’t beat yourself up about this OP (or let your partner pick away at you for it!).

I genuinely think my toddler (20months) might be magnetically attracted to objects 😬 the number of bumps and bashes he gets is unreal! I’m as cautious as I can be with him obviously but learning about their environment and getting a few bumps and bruises along the way is normal for children of all ages!

And naturally he’s inherited his dads very pale skin and my tendency to bruise like a peach 🙄🤣

This happens to all toddlers. They’re a liability!
similar to you, I was unable to shake the constant feeling that I had ruined my children’s lives. It’s all I thought about, constantly googling for hours to try to ease my anxiety whenever something happened, big or small. GP prescribed anti-depressants and things got so much better.

You’re a brilliant mum. As am I. Be kind to yourself

‘Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!’

Basically, all toddlers are channelling Hunter S Thompson 🙈😂

🙄 always one isn’t there.

I think it's a vicious circle. Googling and worrying are making you nervous so then it's happening. I had this with car accidents. And sometimes when I get told off at work I then get nervous and can't concentrate and make more mistakes. Kids have accidents.

If it helps, I'm 41 and covered in all sorts of bruises, bumps, random scars and lumps. I'm just super clumsy and not even a toddler! It's normal than children (and nearly 42 year olds...) will bump into things or fall or whatever even when being watched all the time. I am sure she is still wonderful and perfect with the small dent which is unique to her. I hope she continues to explore and be into everything!

I hope you told him he's a twat for that comment. I guess she's with you most of the time and that is why

So (going to make my mum sound like she wasn’t paying attention but she is the most amazing woman/mother on the planet)
brother broke his leg age 2/3 and it took them a good 3 days to realise they were like “he’s walking a bit funny don’t you think” face palm
I tripped over a step age 2 split head open still got the scar on my eyebrow it’s tiny.
Other brother fell off small wall while playing and knocked himself out

I dropped dd1 down the side of the bed once, I was sitting up bf in the night and I nodded off, woke up to her having slid off and down the side of the bed in-between the drawers...felt awful but it's a funny family story now!

@lanbro ** i did exactly the same thing 😳 she didn't even wake up - I thought I'd killed her!!

Honestly OP, you're not negligent...you're not a bad mum, your little one is just exploring the world and is bound to get some bumps and scrapes along the way.
My eldest knocked her 2 front teeth back up into her gum when she was about 2 - toddlers are mad little hooligans that just look for trouble!

Honestly, most toddlers and 2-3 year olds are accidents waiting happen. I remember several stretches of not taking DS out because he looked like he’d been battered! My friend and I had very accident prone little boys, we used to only meet up at each other’s houses because we thought no one would ever believe us! Both grew into 6’4” healthy adults, odd scars but nothing too dreadful thankfully!
A doctor friend said he dreaded another A&E visit (wife was a HV) because they got so closely quizzed after 4 visits in 5 months!

3 out of 4 of my kids have head scars.

Dd1 had my kindle and missed bottom step, temple split.

dd2 fell over at a game of musical statues and heatbutted a chair, forehead done.

The very first day I left my twins with dad he went upstairs with washing and left dd1 in charge, they climbed up on the dining table where dd pushed ds off. nasty split temple. And again, ds pulled out the drawer next to his cot to climb out, fell and smashed his forehead open.

That's mean of your partner to say.

We have a few of these too. DS at the crawling stage was on a bed in a hotel room with DH and I said 'is it ok if I go shower now' meaning 'are you ok to make sure he doesn't fall off the bed'.

Two minutes later a thump, a howl, and a shamefaced DH saying 'I thought it was a bit strange you asked permission to have a shower, I understand now, sorry!'

No harm done and DS(6) has fallen off many higher things since then without obvious ill effects.

And there was the time DD rolled off the changing table when I reached over to get a nappy despite my whole body being pressed against the damn thing as a barrier. I called the doctor who advised 911. Then (because they run the medical emergency services here) the fire brigade turned up. They were very very nice but I think slightly nonplussed at my slightly stunned but otherwise totally unharmed DD.

Of course most accidents happen when mum is around.... mum is generally with the a baby/toddler much more of the time than dad, so I doubt your OH has a reason to get on his high horse about it.

But, as everyone has said, some LOs are just more accident-prone than others; it's probably a good sign that your DD is such a little explorer. I guarantee you not a single other person will ever notice the dent you mention, because really no one's looking that closely at anyone else's face except for you because you feel guilty about it.